Sailor Dorks
by Humor Queen Merc
Summary: A parody of the show, it's pure humor, so if you wanna laugh till your sides ache, then this is the fic for you! R&R please. *CHAPTER 9 NOW UP!!!*
1. Sailor Dorks Part 1

Author's Note - Hey everyone! I hope you enjoy this version of Sailor Dorks! If you have time, visit my web site at www.geocities.com/merc1650. For the portal to my other sites go to www.geocities.com/ahem1650. Enjoy the fic!  
  
Disclaimer: I absolutely, positively, one hundred percent, DO NOT OWN SAILOR MOON!!! I wish I did, then I'd get DIC to quit butchering the  
series, but seeing as how I don't, anyone who wants to stick a lawyer in my face is really in for it. I DON'T OWN IT, I DON'T OWN IT, I DON'T OWN IT!!!  
Rated: G or a definite Y, even 2-year-olds could read this and be okay.  
  
  
Sailor Dorks  
By: Merc  
  
Characters: (Inners are dub names, Outers are pure names)  
Serena Warren...Sailor Moon  
Amy Anderson...Sailor Mercury  
Raye Hino...Sailor Mars  
Lita Kino...Sailor Jupiter  
Mina Aino...Sailor Venus  
Haruka...Sailor Uranus  
Michiru...Sailor Neptune  
Reeny Warren...Sailor Chibi (mini)-Moon  
Hotaru Tomeo...Sailor Saturn  
Setsuna...Sailor Pluto  
  
Note: The monster's name in this story is Spanish. Her name is Spanish for pen or in some Latin American countries, pencil and pen.  
  
Narrator: It was just another day in Tokyo, Japan. School had just ended, and life was as it   
usually was. Serena had detention until who knows when, Amy was at Cram School, Lita was   
drooling over Andrew at the arcade, Mina was at the movies with Raye swooning over the latest   
hunk fresh from America, Leonardo DiCaprio. Haruka and Michiru were swooning over each other   
at the malt shop, Setsuna was at the library studying, Reeny was driving her swim teacher at   
the YMCA nuts, and Hotaru was busy at home adding yet another lamp to her already huge   
collection of lamps.  
  
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I've been in here for three hours! Why can't I leave?!  
Ms. Haruna: Serena you know perfectly well why your still here, now get back to work while I   
fume some more over Eric dumping me!  
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Haruka: (dreamily) Michiru  
Michiru: (dreamily, gooey-eyed look) Haruka...  
Haruka: SSSSSLLLLLUUUURRRRRRPPPPP!!!!!  
Michiru: Hey, you finished the last of the soda!  
Haruka: (sweatdropping) Sorry.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Mina: Nooooooooooooooo! Not Jack! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
Raye: And he was such a stud! * Sniff sniff *  
Mina: God he's cute, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Jack don't die!  
Both: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lita: WHAT????? THIS @#$@!%#! WHY I OUGHTA !@#$&$@&*%^&#! THIS THING'S RIGGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Andrew: Hey Lita, everything all right?  
Lita: !@#$%^&*! Huh? Oh, hi Andrew, what a surprise, he he.  
Andrew: I didn't know you were here. How are you?  
Lita: (sheepishly) fine, never better.  
Andrew: Sure? You were doing some serious swearing at this Sailor V game.  
Lita: Oh, well I was just letting off some steam from the day and all...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Teacher: Would someone please explain how Japan's Constitutional Monarchy works? (Amy raises   
her hand)  
Teacher: Yes Amy?  
Amy: The Constitutional Monarchy of Japan is but a man or woman of power, normally consisting   
of a king, queen, or an emperor that rules a land under  
their power. Their potency is what runs our wicked society full of stereotypes and activists.  
Class: ?  
Teacher: Uh, very good Amy, uh...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Reeny: YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Instructor: REENY GET BACK HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Reeny: (evil he he's) He he he he.  
Instructor: NO REENY, NOT THE.......  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Narrator: It's nighttime and everyone has eaten. The inners are meeting in their usual meeting  
place, Raye's temple. The outers are hanging out  
somewhere and heaven only knows where Artemis and Luna are.  
  
Amy: So, any Negeverse activity? If not, I'm going back home to study even more.  
Raye: Dunno, maybe if I did another one of those awesome fire readings that I and only I can   
do.  
Serena: (holding a comic book) WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (In her high-pitched   
whiny voice) Why did Gohan have to die? Chi-chi was so much in love with and * snif snif * he   
was such a huuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkk! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Raye: SERENA SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Serena: You're so mean Raye, WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Raye: Yea, but at least I don't bust the decible scale with my whining!  
Serena: pthpthpthpthpthpth!  
Raye: pthpthpthpthpthpthpth!  
Mina: Quit it you guys! I'm getting soaked!  
Lita: Hey, wait a minute. Shouldn't Luna and Artemis be somewhere around here. I mean, after   
all, they're the ones that keep pestering us to do these stupid meetings in the first place!  
  
(Just then Lita sees Luna and Artemis running at full speed up the temple steps)  
  
Lita: There those stupid cats are!  
  
(Luna and Artemis crash through the thin paper that covers the open spots on the door, leaving   
two rather noticeable holes)  
  
Artemis: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!! TAKE COVER!!!!!!!!!!!! THE   
NEGAVERSE IS ACTING UP AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M TOO   
YOUNG TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Luna: ARTEMIS CALM DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Listen, there is some strange-- Artemis get out of that teapot! Anyway,  
oh yes, we saw some strange activity over at the park. I think this is serious. Amy, why   
don't you- No Artemis not the oven!  
Artemis: AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hot hot hot hot hot!  
Luna: Um, anyway Amy I want you call up the outers and get them to get their lazy butts over   
to the park. No excuses this time.  
Amy: Why me? Why not old boyfriend girl over there?  
Lita: Hey!  
Mina: Amy, just call the outies.  
Amy: Outies!?  
Mina: I think it's cute don't you? Just like a bellybutton, you have innies and outies.   
Instead of the serious phrase inners and outers, why not a silly quick phrase like innies and   
outies?  
Amy: ?  
Serena: (confused and sarcastic) yea Mina, whatever you say.  
Raye: Girlfriend you have waaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy too much free time.  
Mina: This is Japan, there's no such thing as free time.  
Serena: Wait, if this is Japan, then how come we speak English fluently and write fluently in   
Japanese?  
Lita: Konicciwa! Hajimameshite?  
Raye: Usagi, Odanga Atama!  
Serena: ?  
Raye: English translation: Serena, Dumpling Head!  
Lita: My translation, Hi! What's up?  
Serena, Amy, and Mina: ?  
Amy: JUST PICK A LANGUAGE AND STICK TO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Lita: I'll go for American English, it's the hardest language in the world to learn but the   
slang is too cool!  
Mina: Ditto!  
Luna: FOR GOD SAKES CAN'T WE GET GOING YET, THE NEGAVERSE HAS PROBIBLY  
TAKEN OVER HALF THE STUPID PARK BY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Artemis: Negaverse, WHERE!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????  
Luna: Nowhere tuna brain.  
Artemis: TUNA BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Haruka: Did you ever notice the large pile of dust in the corner?  
Michiru: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  
Haruka: I... am... so... bored...  
Michiru: Yup.  
Haruka: How long has that dust been there?  
Michiru: I dunno, why don't you be my hero and sweep it up?  
Haruka: I... am... so... bored.  
Michiru: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  
  
(Haruka and Michiru's communicators beep very loudly)  
  
Haruka: (sleepily) Whhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttttttt?  
Amy: Get your lazy lesbian butts over to the park pronto! Negaverse activity going on.  
Michiru: Why, we were having fun being bored.  
Amy: Because, Luna is at the end of her rope. She's holding Artemis hostage in the temple and   
won't let him go until you all get out here.  
Haruka: Oh.  
Michiru: Uh-huh.  
Haruka: Yea.  
Amy: Whatever you incompetent cretins. Luna's starting to scare Artemis silly.  
Michiru: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Setsuna: * sigh *  
  
(Setsuna's communicator beeps very loudly)  
  
Setsuna: Oh, hello Amy, what is ever wrong?  
Amy: All right, Luna is threatening to kill Artemis if you don't get down to the park right   
now. Negaverse is acting up as usual. Won't they ever learn that now matter how hard they   
try, they underestimate us at the very last second and lose?  
Setsuna: On my way!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Reeny: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Instructor: NO REENY, GET THAT FLAMINGO HEAD OF YOURS BACK IN THE POOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Reeny: Look at me, I'm the most sadistic lunatic in the whole entire YMCA!  
  
(Just as Reeny is about to dive off the high dive in the pool, floaties and all, her   
communicator beeps)  
  
Reeny: What? Can't you see I am in the middle of giving my instructor more  
gray hair?  
Amy: Reeny, get your annoying little b-u-t-t over to the park NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Reeny: Can't make me!  
Amy: Wanna make a bet?  
Reeny: Can't make me!  
Amy: I'll steal Luna P. and turn it into extra computer parts for my P.C.  
Reeny: Idle threats you make!  
Amy: #1, you sound wiser beyond your years and that's scary enough, and #2, I just happen to   
know where Luna P. is located!  
Reeny: LUNA P.!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Amy: Get over here or else the gravity defying ball goes bye-bye.  
Reeny: LUNA P.!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Hotaru: * sigh *  
Hotaru: ...  
Hotaru: ...  
  
(Just as Hotaru stares some more at her new lamp, her communicator beeps)  
  
Hotaru: Hmmmmmmmm?  
Amy: Hotaru, love the lamp, no time to talk, Artemis is about to have a  
heart attack from Luna, get over to the park, now!  
Hotaru: Fine.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Narrator: Finally after Amy called up all the outies and got Luna to let  
the half-dead Artemis go, the innies went to the park to join the outies.  
Little did they know just what was there...  
  
Mercury: I detect very strong energy over there. My visor and mini-computer rock!  
Mars: You may have totally awesome gadgets and gizmos that have saved our butts more times   
than we can count, but you honestly can't take anything away from my cool fireballs.  
Moon: Your fireballs are nothing but thin pieces of paper with indecipherable picture   
thingys on them. And what's with the sudden praise of Sailor Mercury?  
Mars: (Whispering) the poor girl is the weakest link on our team. I figured she needed moral   
support.  
Mercury: Uh, just for the record, every team needs 3 things to be successful. #1, a leader   
which tragically for us is Sailor Moon. #2, an offense, i.e. everyone aside of me who can   
whoop some Negeverse butt, and #3, a defense, i.e. me. Without a defense to keep you from   
getting roasted if you're trapped or hurt. That is, all those times my so-called soap bubbles   
of mine actually prevented your obituaries from getting into the paper.  
Jupiter: (yawning, sweatdropping, and looking very bored) Whatever...  
Uranus: Hey, we've been waiting forever for you guys! Neptune and I lost valuable bored time   
to be here!  
Venus: We would've gotten here sooner, but Luna blew a gasket and nearly killed my Artemis.  
Chibi-Moon: Hey, you said there was a monster here. I don't don't see no stinkin' monster!  
Artemis: MONSTER???????  
Venus: Artemis, aren't you supposed to be in shock at the vet?  
Artemis: Ran away before he could give me the test.  
Venus: What test?  
Artemis: (Artemis) Uh.. Well, just, the test.  
Venus: WHAT STUPID TEST????????????????  
  
(Mercury walks up next to Venus and whispers for a few brief moments while the other scouts   
stand around doing nothing but being bored and cold in their lovely little skirt uniforms.   
Mercury then steps back and Venus turns into a human red florescent light.)  
  
Venus: (embarrassed) Oh, that test.  
Artemis: Yeah.  
Neptune: I came out here to kick some Negabutt with Uranus here and I don't see any Negadweeb   
to kill!? What gives?  
Pluto: Mercury, do you sense anything on your trey-cool visor?  
Mercury: (now serious) I see some serious energy disturbance right over...THERE!!!!!!!!  
  
(Mercury points westward and sure enough, there's the evil monster)  
  
Chibi-Moon: Whoa!  
  
(The monster is dressed in next to nothing. Only a rather thick chain that sticks to her skin   
covers the you-know-where on her chest. A bikini-type bottom with some thin strips of cloth   
cover her * ahem *. The monster has rainbow hair that comes down to her mid-back and she   
wears sandals on her impossibly small feet.)  
  
Artemis: Whoa momma!  
Luna: Artemis!  
Uranus: Yikes.  
Jupiter: (yelling) Aren't you cold?  
Monster: I am Boligrafo and I will crush you you Sailor Dingbats, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!  
Moon: Yea well, (insert battle music here)...  
I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice,  
Blah, blah, blah, yakity-shmakity, yadda, yadda, etc., etc.,  
Boligrafo: Nice battle speech.  
Moon: Well, I say the same speech over and over again and all I get is criticism, so I figured  
the heck with it, I'll get the battle done faster if I just skip the stupid speech.  
Boligrafo: Cool.  
Luna: Lazy ditz.  
Moon: (annoyed) I heard that Luna.  
Boligrafo: I'm going to kill you Sailor Nerds!  
Artemis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE,   
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMBODY CALL 911!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Artemis panics and runs straight into a wall, upon impact he cracks the wall and then slides   
down to the ground, unconscious and with a huge bump on his forehead. Jupiter sees this and   
gets very upset)  
  
Jupiter: I CALL UPON THE FORCES OF JUPITER!!! JUPITER... OAK...  
EVOLUTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Neptune: RISING TIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The monster dodges both of these attacks and moons the Scouts)  
  
Boligrafo: Ha ha ha. You cannot defeat me you stupid Sailor Brats!  
Mercury: Hey I resent that.  
Venus and Jupiter: Don't you monsters have any better insults?  
Boligrafo: Sure! Sailor Dorks, Sailor Jerks, Sailor @#$^&*!)@$%^#  
Pluto: Watch it! There are 8-year-olds about here! And one 16-year-old who thinks like an   
8-year-old.  
Boligrafo: Sorry.  
Saturn: You know, I've had no say in this stupid mission yet. I think that I don't like you   
very much.  
Pluto: Just for not making Saturn like you, I'm going to kill you. DEATH SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The blast hits the monster square in the chest)  
  
Boligrafo: (slightly annoyed) ow.  
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The later impact throws Boligrafo into the same wall as Artemis where she hits her head and   
has a tough time getting up)  
  
Luna: I'm shaaaaaaaakkkkkkkkkkiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!  
Sailor Uranus: (scarcastically) Ha ha, very funny Luna.  
Mars: All right, now it's my turn to rock and roll! MARS CELESTIAL FIRE SURROUND!!!!!!!  
Boligrafo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hot hot hot hot hot.  
Everyone: Hey Moonie, quit playing audience and start killing!!!  
Moon: All right, but first I need to choose what to kill it with. (Starts to count on fingers   
and look concentrated) There's my tiara, my scepter, my heart therapy kiss but that's more of   
an attack, my halation?  
Jupiter: Just kill the @#$%^&*(!!!  
Moon: Sailor Jupiter!  
Chibi-Moon: Mommy, what does @#$%^&* mean?  
Mercury: Chibi-Moon, that's a naughty word, so, if you ever want to see Luna P. again, you'll   
have to promise not to say it.  
Chibi-Moon: Luna P.!!!  
Mercury: Promise?  
Chibi-Moon: (quickly) Promise!  
Moon: Eanie-meanie-miney-mo. Scepter it is!  
Boligrafo: (weakly) you Sailor Scouts are pretty pathetic.  
Neptune: No duh, that took, how long to figure out?  
Uranus: Pretty long.  
Jupiter: Longer than most of our enemies that we've killed in the past that's for sure.  
Moon: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON... SCEPTER...ELIMINATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The monster screams a couple of vulgar words and turns into a big pile of dust.)  
  
Moon: (chanting) Oh yeeeaaaa, I roooooock, oh yeeeaaa, I rooooooooock!!!!!!!!!!  
Jupiter: Shut up Moon.  
Moon: WAAAAAAAAAAAA, JUPITER, YOUR SOOOOOO MEEEEEEAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Mars: Shut up Moon.  
Moon: pthpthpthpthpthpth!  
Mars: pthpthpthpthpth!  
Saturn and Pluto: Shut up you morons!  
Moon: pthpthpthpthpthpth!  
Mars: pthpthpthpthpth!  
Uranus: Would you two shut the @#$^ up!  
Mercury: (quietly) oh my virgin ears.  
Saturn: Uranus, what does @#$^ mean?  
Neptune: (very quickly) AA!  
Pluto: I think it's time we all go home before Mars and Moon and Uranus beat each other to a   
pulp.  
Chibi-Moon: Great, now I can go back to giving my swim instructor a heart attack!  
Luna: Chibi-Moon, swim practice ended an hour ago.  
Chibi-Moon: @#$%!  
Everyone: * gasp * !  
Venus: I had better get Artemis back to the vet. I hope he's still alive.  
  
(Everyone splits up, detransforms, and goes home)  
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Narrator: All of the scouts are at Raye's temple a few days after the Negaverse had attacked.   
That includes the badly bruised Artemis who looks more like the living dead than an injured   
cat.  
  
Mina: Tehehe, Artemis you look like a mummy cat.  
Artemis: (fuming) not funny.  
Luna: Well, at least things are back to normal again, or at least until next week when some   
other Negajunkie will wander into our planet.  
Lita: Luna!  
Luna: Tehe.  
Haruka: Well, I'm mad that I got out without having a cool battle wound or two to show off.  
Artemis: (grumbling) Easy for you to say.  
Haruka: Whatever Arteshmuck.  
Artemis: ARTESHMUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Haruka: Yo, not so loud Artichoke.  
Artemis: ARTICHOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Haruka: Yea, isn't that your name Achilles?  
Artemis: ACHILLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Michiru: Give it up Haruka, you'll never get Aphrodite's name right.  
Artemis: APHRODITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Hotaru: I always heard his name was Aries.  
Artemis: ARIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Amy: Shut up cat.  
Artemis: (flustered) oy.  
Amy: Whatever.  
Lita: Hey Ames what's this you're reading?  
Serena: Biochemistry Level 2.  
Mina: BIOCHEMISTRY!!!!!!!!!!????????  
Amy: So?  
Everyone: Oy.  
Amy: Why me?  
  
Narrator: So our heroines have saved the planet once more and unfortunately lived to tell   
about it. Let's all hope that there'll be a better battle sometime in the near future.  
  
  
  
THE END?  
  
Note: Just for the heck of it, I decided to show anyone who reads this sad excuse for a story   
what the scouts names show up as on my spell check.  
  
Serena - Serena  
Amy - Amy  
Lita - Litter  
Mina - Ina  
Luna - Ulna  
Artemis - Airtimes  
Haruka - Hark  
Michiru - Miter  
Hotaru - Hotter  
Reeny - Renee  
Setsuna - Sestina  
Boligrafo - No Spelling Suggestions  
  
  
  
Like it? Love it? Hate it? Tell me! You can either e-mail me, IM me at Merc1650@hotmail.com   
(MSN) or Quatre16 (AOL), go to my message board on my Sailor Moon web site, or just review it.  
Thanks for all your support! 


	2. Sailor Dorks Part 2

Authors Notes - Here's my second installment on Fanfiction.net. I hope you all enjoy it!  
  
  
Rating: G or a definite Y, again even 2 year-olds could read this and be okay.  
  
Disclaimer: Alrighty everyone here it is - I DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES OWN SAILOR   
MOON!!!!!!!!!! I SO TOTALLY WISH I DID BUT I DON'T SO DON'T GO GRABBING ANY STUPID,   
BLOOD-SUCKING LAWYERS AND JAMMING THEM INTO MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Phew.  
  
Sailor Dorks Part 2  
By: Merc  
Characters:  
  
Serena Warren...Sailor Moon  
Amy Anderson...Sailor Mercury  
Raye Hino...Sailor Mars  
Lita Kino...Sailor Jupiter  
Mina Aino...Sailor Venus  
Reeny Warren...Sailor Chibi(mini)-Moon  
Darien...Endymion (or a.k.a. Tuxedo Mask who does not appear in this story)  
Haruka...Sailor Uranus  
Michiru...Sailor Neptune  
Hotaru Tomoe...Sailor Saturn  
Setsuna...Sailor Pluto  
  
Narrator: Hello and welcome once again to yet another horribly written episode of Sailor   
Dorks. This time, our scouts are on vacation. It's winter break (next to no one's Christian   
in Japan, but then again who really cares?) and everyone's having a blast. Serena as usual   
is over at Raye's temple reading comics and annoying Raye beyond belief, and Amy as usual   
is studying at the park (her favorite place aside of school). Lita is (once again) at the   
arcade swooning over Andrew, Mina is right next to her doing the same thing, and Hotaru is   
plugging in another lamp when suddenly a fuse blows and the whole house turns into an indoor  
nightscape. Setsuna is hanging around, reading a little bit, Darien is somewhere, Reeny this  
time is diving her math tutor crazy, and Michiru and Haruka are at some restaurant swooning   
over each other (as usual). Luna and Artemis are hanging out at the city dump. That's it,   
now on with the story!  
  
At Raye's temple...  
  
Serena: * giggle *, tehee, Tehee, TEhee, TEHee, TEHEe, TEHEE!  
Raye: Shut up!  
Serena: HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!  
Raye: SHUT UP!!!  
Serena: (between giggles) Oh Raye, take it easy! This comic is so funny! Have you read this   
yet?  
Raye: No because you're too busy hogging it!  
Serena: Waaaaaa!!! Raye, your so meeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn!  
Raye: (silently praying) Great spirits shoot me now I beg of you.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Professor Tomoe: AAAAAAAAAA!!! ALL MY WORK, WHERE DID IT GO? Who, what? Why did the power go  
out? OH NO, ALL MY WORK (he looks at the blank computer screen where only moments before he   
had finished a report that took him 2 all-nighters to type up)!!!  
Hotaru: Oops.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Tutor: Now then Reeny, what do you get when you take 10 times 9?  
Reeny: A big number.  
Tutor: Okay, Reeny, try to work it out. Now, what's 10 times 9?  
Reeny: You can't make me!  
Tutor: (growing impatient) Come on now Reeny, you can do this.  
Reeny: Go pound sand!  
Tutor: That's wasn't a very nice thing to say.  
Reeny: I think it was appropriate!  
Tutor: Why you little, I oughta-  
Reeny: Tehee hee.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lita: (drool is running down the side of her mouth) What a hunk!  
Mina: (dumbly) Huh?  
Lita: Dang, he can have my number any day.  
Mina: Not unless he's dating me!  
Lita: Huh?  
Mina: He he.  
Lita: Oh no you don't!  
Mina: Oh yes I do!  
Lita: (growling) Wrong answer blonde!  
Mina: (stammering) L-L-Lita, what are you doing? He he, I was only joking!  
  
*SLAM!!!*  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Michiru: (dreamily) Haruka...  
Haruka: (dreamily) Michiru...  
Michiru: (dreamily) Haruka...  
Haruka: (dreamily) Michi... HEY HOW'S ABOUT SOME SERVICE?  
Michiru: Huruka!  
Haruka: What?  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Luna: Artemis, I've got a question.  
Artemis: What?  
Luna: Well, you see, I've been, uh, wondering, why have you been walking and sitting so   
weird?  
Artemis: Well, um, you see, after you nearly killed me and then that Negamonster slammed me   
and all, Mina took me back to the vet. Well, the doctor had to take my temperature and all   
and well, you've been through it. Ya know, where they stick that cold, dry, thermometer up   
your * ahem *.  
Luna: And?  
Artemis: It went south.  
Luna: South?  
Artemis: Yea, south.  
Luna: Ouch.  
Artemis: Tell me about it, the doctor said that there were two ways that he could get it   
out: a quick painless surgery or the hand. Mina opted without hesitation for the hand. Ever   
since then, I've been very, um, uncomfortable.  
Luna: Oh.  
Artemis: Yea, oh.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Setsuna: (reading) Do de do de do...  
Some Guy: Hey there, hot stuff.  
Setsuna: (upper cuts him hard and then gives him a swift knee to the you-know-where) don't   
call me hot stuff!  
Some Guy: (moaning) @#$%^&*(@)!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Darien: (entering the arcade) Hey Andrew!  
Andrew: Hey Darien!  
Darien: What's up?  
Andrew: Nothing much, there was an incident though about an hour ago. Lita slammed Mina over  
the head pretty hard with a stool. Had to call an ambulance, but she'll be fine as soon as   
she can remember her name.  
Darien: Oh.  
Andrew: Want something to drink?  
Darien: Nah, game?  
Andrew: What the hey, lunch break is in 5 minutes anyway. Boss won't mind.  
Darien: Lucky dog.  
Andrew: What?  
Darien: I said lucky dog. My boss is a total jerk, won't let me out early for anything. The   
guy really should go see a psychiatrist.  
Andrew: I know the feeling.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Amy: (reading) Do de do de do...  
  
* Suddenly, someone walks up and stops in front of her. Noticing the sudden loss of sunlight,  
Amy looks up. *  
  
Amy: Greg!  
Greg: (shyly) Hey there, long time no see.  
  
* Amy stands up, not noticing that she dropped her book *  
  
Amy: (shyly) Hi.  
Greg: (bending down to get her book) Hi.  
  
* Greg hands Amy the book that she dropped *  
  
Amy: (blushing) Thanks.  
Greg: (Blushing) No problem.  
Amy: What are you doing here?  
Greg: I wanted to surprise you. I just moved back, hopefully for good this time.  
Amy: Oh.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
*Serena is walking through the park after being kicked out of the temple by Mars, the   
goddess of war, otherwise known as Raye the angry. She sees the little romantic get together  
and hides behind a tree. She listens to their conversation, trying as best as she can to   
stifle her laughter, until Greg kissed a startled Amy on the lips. *  
  
Serena: (whispering to herself) Oh man, Raye's gotta here about this! Greg kissing Amy, man   
this is sweet!  
  
* Serena sprints back to the temple where a frustrated Raye stands trying to kill a giant   
indestructible beetle. *  
  
Raye: @#$% you stupid beetle, die!  
Serena: RAYE, RAYE YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS!!!  
Raye: I thought I told you to get lost, ya meatball head!  
Serena: Waaaaaaaaa! Raye, you're so mean!  
Raye: Oh no, not again!  
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
Raye: Would you calm down already!  
Serena: (sniffling) Noooooooo!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
Raye: Why me?  
  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Narrator: Queen Beryl has been brewing up a nasty little scheme to get back  
at the Sailor Scouts for killing her best warrior, Boligrafo.  
  
Beryl: (mad) Ooooooooooo, I'm gonna kill those pain in the @#$ Sailor Scouts!  
Jedite: (appears from thin air) My queen, the other 4 generals and I have come up with a   
rather decent plan.  
Beryl: Well?  
Jedite: We go face to face and apologize for all the pain and misery we have caused them.  
Beryl: Excuse me?  
Jedite: That's only the beginning. When they think that we have become allies, we will kill   
them!  
Beryl and Jedite: (evil sounding cackle) Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Narrator: The scouts are all at Raye's temple for the usual scout meeting. Amy's missing for  
some unknown reason, so the scouts are taking advantage of it.  
  
Raye: Wait, you mean you actually saw a guy kiss Amy?!  
Serena: Yea and I think it was her first kiss to!  
Lita: Whoa!  
Haruka: (chanting) Go Amy, go Amy!  
Hotaru: Who would've thought? I mean, she's supposed to be the unpopular genius and all.  
Reeny: Eew! Doesn't anyone get tired of seeing people kiss?  
Serena: Raye, I've been meaning to ask you, did you ever kill that beetle?  
Raye: Nope, got away when I tried to stick him in a paper shredder.  
Michiru: Since when did you have a paper shredder?  
Raye: Dunno, I know that it showed up when I took that stupid thing in to put into the   
microwave.  
Setsuna: You tried to stick a beetle in a microwave?  
Raye: I was, but then I saw the paper shredder.  
Mina: Plot hole!  
Everyone: ?  
Mina: What?  
Setsuna: Wait, how'd we get from some guy kissing Amy to beetles and paper shredders?  
Hotaru: Good question.  
Luna: Don't you girls ever get tired of gossip and stuff? I mean, the Negaverse could come   
and suck up the world with a giant vacuum cleaner any minute and you're talking about   
sticking indestructible beetles into paper shredders!  
Artemis: Indestructible beetle, where?!  
Luna: Calm down Artemis!  
Artemis: Aaaaaaaaaaa! Hide me, hide me now!  
Mina: After how much I paid for that last bill for the vet, I'm not going to let you outta   
my sight ever again!  
Artemis: I'm dead.  
  
* Just then Amy walks through the door *  
  
Amy: Hello everyone!  
  
* Everyone glances at her *  
  
Amy: What?  
Reeny: Serena saw some cute guy kissing you.  
Serena: Greg Urawa.  
Reeny: Whatever.  
Amy: (blushing) Oh.  
Serena: Dang girl, was that your first kiss? Because if so than you're a true natural!  
Amy: ...  
Haruka: You go girl!  
Michiru: Way to go!  
Amy: (shyly and blushing) Um, yeah... that's great. Listen, I was coming from the park and I  
passed by the candy shop on my way here.  
Haruka: And you're telling us this because...  
Amy: I got some bad vibes. 10 bucks the Negaverse is at work.  
Haruka and Michiru and Lita: You're on!  
Artemis: Negaverse, WHERE???????  
Luna: At the candy shop you dingbat!  
Artemis: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! We're all gonna die! Aaaaaaaaaaaa!  
Mina: Not the microwave, Artemis!  
Artemis: Aaaaaaaa! Hot hot hot!  
Mina: There goes another 400 bucks out of my account.  
Serena: I feel for you girl.  
Mina: Can we swap pets?  
Serena: I don't think so.  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Narrator: The Scouts go to the candy shop to check things out. They had already transformed,   
so they were swamped by fans. After almost getting killed by screaming fans, they finally   
made it through the crowd. They made their way to the kitchen. On the way, Sailor Moon   
couldn't help but grab a couple of goodies. Then she grabbed some more, and more and more   
until the Scouts had to literally drag her by her odd pigtails to the kitchen with them.  
  
Sailor Moon: (whining) why did you guys drag me away from those sweets? They were so   
goooooooooooooooddddddddddddddd! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!   
Mars: Shut up, Moon.  
Moon: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Mars, you're so meeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn!  
Uranus: Shut up, Moon.  
Moon: (In between sniffles) is that you're favorite saying or something?  
Everyone: Yes.  
Moon: Oh *sniffle*.  
Mercury: I've spotted them!  
Everyone: Spotted what?  
Mercury: Whatever the Negaverse sent us. It's in the storage room.  
Moon: All right, more chocolates!  
Luna: Of all places they had to be, why here?  
  
* The Scouts walk into the storage room where the 5 generals wait impatiently for them *  
  
Malachite: Zoicite, my transsexual love, you can stop reading now. Those stupid Scouts   
finally took a hint and came.  
Zoicite: Do de do de do... huh? Oh, it's about time; I've been reading this boring book for   
2 days now!  
Neflite: Well, at least they came.  
Zoicite: Can we kill 'em yet?  
Malachite: No, but I've been wondering where Endymion went.  
Zoicite: Man!  
Jedite: Shhhhh! They're here!  
Moon: THE SAILOR SCOUTS ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Jedite: There go my eardrums.  
Moon: I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice, and all that wonderful stuff.  
Neflite: (teasingly) Ooo, I'm so scared.  
Jupiter: I'm Sailor Jupiter and I'm gonna whoop your butt!  
Endymion: Oh really?  
Moon: DARIEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Venus: (annoyed) Oh no, not again.  
Neptune: Where'd he come from?  
Chibi-Moon: Hey daddy, you're on our side, remember?  
Mercury: Don't bother, he's probably lost it for good this time.  
Chibi-Moon: (exasperated) Perfect.  
Jedite: All right, enough with the chitchat. We've got something to say to  
you.  
Jupiter: Like what?  
All 5 Generals: We're sorry for all the pain and misery we've caused you.  
Scouts: !  
Endymion: Really, I mean, we've been real perverts these past 1014 years, so we thought we'd   
apologize.  
Mercury: Let me guess, you come face to face and apologize to us so that it tricks us into   
thinking that your on our side, then later on you stab us in the back.  
Zoicite: Remind me to kill her.  
Neflite: @#$% !  
Uranus: You're too smart for your own good.  
Mercury: Hey!  
Jupiter: I'm all for killing the little @#$%^&(^ !  
Chibi-Moon: Mommy, what does @#$%^&(^ mean?  
Moon: Chibi-Moon!  
Chibi-Moon: What?  
Mercury: Let's not forget Luna P. and what I can do to it if you don't stop  
saying that word.  
Chibi-Moon: Luna P.!  
Uranus: I'm bored. I'm with Jupiter, let's kill 'em!  
Venus: VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Jupiter and Uranus: Hey!  
  
*The generals are thrown to the ground by the unexpected blow. *  
  
Neflite: Ow.  
Zoicite: Double ow.  
Malachite: Triple ow.  
Jedite: Quadruple ow.  
Endymion: Quintuple ow.  
Jupiter: All righty, my turn! JUPITER THUNDER CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Neptune: DEEP SUBMERGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
All 5 Generals: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.  
Mars: MARS CELESTIAL FIRE SURROUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
All 5 Generals: Aaaaaaaaaaa! Hot hot hot!  
Pluto: Ya know, I haven't had any say in this battle so far and I'm kinda  
mad at you perverts so I think I'll hurt you.  
All 5 Generals: (annoyed) Great...  
Pluto: DEAD SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
All 5 Generals: Oh my ears! OW!  
Pluto: He he.  
All 5 Generals: Ow ow ow ow ow!  
Saturn: I forgot my power so I'll just yell at you and make you all mad!  
Endymion: And how exactly did this happen?  
Saturn: Haven't a clue.  
Zoicite: Are you the odd ball of the group or something?  
Saturn: Just drop it, okay.  
Jedite: Whatever.  
Saturn: Perverts.  
Neflite: Hey, I resent that.  
Mercury: Well, I didn't forget my powers! SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
All 5 Generals: AYE CARUMBA THAT'S COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Zoicite: Look, Jedite's a Negacube!  
Malachite: Zoicite, you need to work on your crack-ups a little more.  
Jupiter: Well, this is quite the interesting fight.  
Venus: What does that mean?  
Jupiter: Well ya dumb blonde, it means that we're talking way too much. We're having fun   
little conversations instead of killing our 5 worst enemies.  
Venus: Oh.  
Jupiter: (rolling her eyes) Yea, oh.  
Zoicite: I think I'll take that enemy's thing as a compliment. Well, I'm still all for   
killing you mangy scouts.  
Malachite: Go right ahead.  
Zoicite: Ya mean it?  
Malachite: Sure, beat the living @#$% outta them!  
Zoicite: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Neptune: (sarcastically) Oh boy.  
  
*Zoicite throws a bunch of energy at the scouts. *  
  
Scouts: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Luna: Ow.  
Artemis: (moaning) uuuuuhhhhh.  
Venus: 600 bucks outta my account now.  
Artemis: (weakly) Sorry.  
Venus: Yea, ya ungrateful cat, you had better be sorry!  
  
*Just then Malachite throws a sharp knife type thingy at our heroines *  
  
Uranus: (incredibly angry as the thing slices her skirt and bows) Hey watch it!  
Neptune: Ohmygosh! Are you okay, sweetie-pie?  
Uranus: Never better, muffin.  
Saturn: I think... I'm gonna... puke.  
Chibi-Moon: Ditto.  
Pluto: You want a piece of me?  
Endymion: Sure, I'm all for the chest!  
Pluto: You're a disgusting jerk!  
Moon: (dreamily) Yeah, but he's my disgusting jerk.  
Pluto: Yuck!  
Moon: Well, it's true!  
Pluto: Are you sure you didn't hit your head when you were little?  
Moon: Well, I did, but, it was only a little bump. I still miss that expensive vase that we   
got in Italy.  
Mercury: Ugh, well, as usual it looks like I the grate defensive link must once again dig us  
out. MERCURY AQUA HARP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Jupiter: Don't leave me out! JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Venus: And me! VENUS LOVE CHAIN ENCIRCLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
4 Generals: AAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Jedite: (Still frozen in a block of ice) MMMMMMPPPPPPHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Endymoin: It's a miracle, thanks to you scouts, I miraculously have my memory back!  
Scouts: (sarcastically) Yaaaaayyy.  
Pluto: 50 bucks says he goes back to the Negaverse sometime next week.  
Uranus: You're on!  
Mercury: Hey wait a minute, you still owe me those ten bucks from earlier, remember?  
Uranus: Oh yeah, I forgot.  
Mercury: (sarcastically) uh huh, you forgot.  
Zoicite: You mangy scouts are always so sarcastic.  
Neflite: Well, I can't blame them.  
Zoicite: You don't even know what sarcasm is.  
Neflite: Yes I do, I took it in the training course, remember?  
Zoicite: No.  
Neflite: We were required to take it.  
Zoicite: Oh yea.  
Mars: All right, I've been thrown out of this conversation and battle entirely. I'm really   
mad now!  
Moon: Shouldn't have done that.  
Malachite: Done what?  
Mars: Left me out and made me mad!  
Moon: Now you're in for it.  
Malachite: (macho-man style) you don't scare me.  
Moon: She should.  
Mars: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! MARS FIREBIRD STRIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
3 Generals: AAAAAAAA!!!!!! Hot hot hot!  
Jedite: MMMMPPPPPPHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Malachite: Mercury, does your ice ever give?  
Mercury: No.  
Zoicite: But how?  
Mercury: I'll give you a hint, It's my patented extra strong ice.  
Neflite: Cool.  
Mercury: (cringing) that was bad, even for you.  
Neflite: (smiling) I know.  
Mars: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!  
Moon: You want me to destroy them you say?  
Mars: Grumble grumble, ooooooooooooooooo!  
Moon: Well, if you want the tiara, I'll do the tiara, but why?  
Mars: (mumbling) Sfdsjhmhpmhphmhpowpmmph!  
Moon: A painful way to go huh? Hmmmmmmmm. Okay, I'll do it.  
Mars. Growl snarl growl.  
Moon: Alrighty then, MOON TIARA...MAGIIIIICCC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
3 Generals: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Jedite: MMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
3 Generals: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! We got away in the nick-of-time! You'll see us again, we   
promise!  
Jedite: Mphmphmphmphmphmpmhp!  
3 Generals: Come on Jedite, looks like we've gotta find a way to get you outta this mess.  
Jedite: Mph!  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Narrator: Well, it's the next day and our heroines are out and about: Serena's at home giving  
Luna guff about a stomach ache, Amy's hanging out with Greg somewhere, and Raye's at home   
giving Chad even more guff. Mina's at the vet with Artemis where she ends up paying the low   
low sale price of $100 for Artemis's recovery, Hotaru got another lamp and blew another fuse,  
and Setsuna is still reading. Darien is still in bed trying to collect his thoughts, Reeny   
is somewhere driving everybody in her path nuts, Michiru and Haruka are hanging out under a   
tree and having a romantic picnic, and Lita is playing video games at the arcade.  
  
Serena: (moaning) Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh. I shouldn't have eaten that last chocolate before   
fighting.  
Luna: See, I told you not to eat that many sweets, but did you listen to me? Nooooooooooo,   
you just had to pig out on everything in sight didn't you?  
Serena: (moaning) Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh. Shut up, cat.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Setsuna: Do de do de do  
Some Other Guy: Hi.  
Setsuna: Hi.  
Some Other Guy: Good book?  
Setsuna: Yea.  
Some Other Guy: Mind if I join you?  
Setsuna: Not really.  
Some Other Guy: Cool.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
*Mina and Artemis are walking out of the vet's office. Artemis looks like a walking mummy   
cat. *  
  
Mina: You're lucky that the office was celebrating its 50th anniversary Artemis.  
Artemis: Mphmphmphmphmph.  
Mina: Don't complain to me! After all, you're the one that ran into the microwave to hide and  
then got slammed by the Negaverse, AGAIN!  
Artemis: Mph.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Chad: AAAAAAAAA!!!  
Raye: (chasing Chad around with a broom) Why you little! I thought I told you to put the   
sacred emblems in order but noooooooooo, you had to go and nick 2 and manage to put them   
completely out of order!  
Chad: SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Raye: SORRY'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH YOU PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Chad: AAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Michiru: (Dreamily) Haruka...  
Haruka: (Dreamily) Michiru...  
Michiru: (Dreamily) Haruka...  
Haruka: (Dreamily) Michiru...  
Michiru: (Dreamily) Haruka...   
Haruka: (Dreamily) Michi... What the... AAAAAAAA!!!!!! I'VE GOT ANTS IN MY PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!  
Michiru: Yuck!  
Haruka: (Making a weird face) Eek, ork, eww, yech, slwe, yark!  
Michiru: Don't worry my love, I will help you!  
Haruka: Ow, those are fire ants!  
Michiru: Oh dear...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Hotaru: Shoot.  
Prof. Tomoe: AAAAAAAA!!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Hotaru: Oops.  
Prof. Tomoe: HOTARU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Hotaru: I'm in trouble now...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lita: Dum de do de dum de do de...  
Andrew: Hey there Lita!  
Lita: (Swallows the Coke that she got and starts to choke)*sputter * *cough* *gag * *choke *  
Andrew: Are you all right?  
Lita: (in a scratchy voice) drink went down the wrong pipe.  
Andrew: Oh.  
Lita: (clearing her throat) So, uh, how are ya?  
Andrew: Fine, usual day. You?  
Lita: Never better.  
  
*BAM!!!*  
  
Lita: AAAAAAAAAA!!! GAME OVER!?!?!  
Andrew: Oops.  
Lita: THIS THING IS SO RIGGED!!! WHY I OUGHTA RIP YOU OUTTA YOUR SPOT AND THROW YA INTO A   
SCRAP PILE!!!  
Andrew: Uh, Lita, could you, uh, clam down a bit, um, he he.  
Lita: @#$%^&*(#)^%$&#^%$@*@ !!!  
Andrew: !  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Darien: (In bed) who am I? What is going on? Who is the princess I have been looking for? Oh  
yeah, Serena is my only true love. My princess, my life. Why was I taken by the Negaverse?   
Why does Queen Beryl have a crush on me? How can Luna and Artemis talk? Who invented the   
name Spam? How does Swiss Cheese get holes in it? Why am I living in an expensive apartment  
when I never appear to be working? Why do I have eyes that take up 1/3rd of my head? Who are  
we? Is the truth out there? I think I had better go to sleep again.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Reeny: IEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Bystander: Oh my eardrums.  
Reeny: I'm a famous person, bow before me for I am the daughter of Neo-Queen Serenity!  
Bystander #2: Who?  
Reeny: Shoot! Mental note to self, I am in the past, no one knows about mom.   
Bystander: Huh?  
Reeny: IEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Amy: So, if you take the square root of 7 times the square root of 9 and then add it by pi.   
then you can get the answer to problem #8.   
Greg: Wow, no wonder I was so confused. I took the square rot of 45 and divided it by the   
square rot of 9 times pi. to get it. Thanks a lot!  
Amy: No problem.  
Greg: (Suddenly getting shy) Um, Amy, I uh...  
Amy: Hmmm?  
Greg: Well, you see I was, um...  
Amy: Yeah?  
Greg: Will you go steady with me?  
Amy: (Blushing) um, sure, why not?  
Greg: Really?  
Amy: (Laughing) really.  
Greg: Cool.  
  
*Greg pulls out a ring and slides it on Amy's finger. Then he leans over and kisses her.*  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
*Mina had dropped off Artemis at home and was taking a stroll through the park to calm down   
after paying so much for Artemis's bill and sees the couple *  
  
Mina: (Gasping) Aw, man! Everyone's gotta know about this!  
  
Later On...  
  
Narrator: Everyone's back at the temple for the (so usual it's stupid) scout meeting and   
Mina has just blabbed the whole scene to everyone.  
  
Mina: And then, get this, he gives her a diamond ring and kisses her!  
Serena: (Gasping) why can't Darien be like that? What a cheapskate!  
Michiru: (Expectantly) Haruka, I don't see my diamond ring anywhere. (Gives Haruka the evil   
eye) where oh where might it be?  
Haruka: * Gulp *  
Raye: HEY CHAD WHERE'S MY DIAMOND RING!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
Lita: I'm gonna kill Freddie one of these days!  
Luna: I never saw Artemis give me one!  
Serena: (whining) it's not fair!!! Why can't we have a boyfriend like yours, huh?  
  
*Amy had rolled herself into a little ball in incredible embarrassment at the far corner of   
the table. *  
  
Amy: Mph.  
Serena: Huh?  
Amy: (looking up even though she was a very apparent shade of burgundy) I dunno.  
Serena: I want him!  
Haruka: Hey, how do we even know if this thing's a diamond? For all we know it could be a   
piece of tin!  
  
*Haruka grabs Amy's hand and closely inspects the ring.*  
  
Hotaru: Since when did you become the diamond expert?  
Haruka: Since I got a job at Ranma Jewelers! Now shut up!  
Hotaru: You work at Ranma Jewelers?  
Haruka: Hmmm...  
Hotaru: I've never seen you.  
Haruka: You've never even been in there before.  
Hotaru: Once when I was looking at all the pretty earrings.  
Haruka: (Taking out a jeweler's eyeglass and putting it to her eye) you're pathetic.  
Reeny: Actually, you're pathetic.  
Haruka: (Grabs Reeny by the collar and pulling her up without taking her eyes off the ring)   
Take that back or I'll chuck you across the room.  
Reeny: You can't make me!  
Haruka: Oh yes I can.  
Reeny: Mommy!  
Serena: Put the brat down, Haruka.  
Reeny: I take it all back!  
  
*Haruka drops Reeny and she lands with a loud thud. *  
  
Reeny: Ow!  
Michiru: Well, Haruka?  
Haruka: Give me a few more minutes...  
Everyone: ...  
Haruka: Holy @#$% !  
Everyone: WHAT!?  
Haruka: Not only is this thing a real honest to Buddha diamond, but it's 24 carrots too!  
Michiru: Jeez, how much did that guy dish out for that thing?  
Serena: When I get my hands on that sleaze Darien, I'm gonna...  
Raye: (Really, really mad) Oh is Chad in for it now!  
Lita: Let me see that thing!  
  
*Lita grabs Amy's hand and looks at it closely.*  
  
Lita: Amy, there's some reason he gave you this, why?  
Amy: Um...  
Lita: Amy...  
Amy: Well, uh, you see...  
Lita: Uh well what?  
Amy: We're going steady.  
Lita: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
Everyone else: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
Amy: Oh boy...  
  
Narrator: So out heroines once more saved the world form the wrath of evil, the Negaverse,   
higher taxes, presidential and king and emperor scandals, and everything that just makes you  
want to put a big hole in the TV screen. Hopefully, they can rest assure that no one shall   
harm them for the rest of the week. At least, no one from the Negaverse.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Darien: (Thinking in his bed where he's been the whole day) Who am I again? What is my sole   
purpose on this earth? Why is it that Serena and I were destined to be together? Is Reeny   
really our kid? If so then she takes after Serena. Why does she dye her hair pink? Why did  
Michiru dye her hair light green? What is it with Serena and that hairstyle? Am I a key to  
something? What is the deal with the Silver Millenium and no records of it exist? Why don't   
they call soap body wash oral hygiene bars or something? Is there a secret government   
conspiracy going on? Who is the Smoking Man? Why are hillbillies called hillbillies? Why   
can't I come up with an answer to any of these questions? What is the secret of life?   
Who am I...?  
  
THE END?  
  
I hoped you liked it! I'll add the rest of the chapters in awhile, ok? 


	3. Sailor Dorks Part 3

Author's Notes - Here's what you've all been waiting for! Newly edited and updated for your viewing and reading pleasure. Visit my site at www.geocities.com/merc1650 while you're at it too! ^^  
  
Sailor Dorks Part 3 By: Merc  
  
Rating: G or a definite Y, insert the 2 year-old thing here  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon. I really wish I did, but I can't. Darn! Again, I don't own her or anyone else for that matter so lay off!  
  
By: Merc  
  
Sailor Dorks Part 3  
  
Characters:  
  
Serena Warren...............Sailor Moon  
Amy Anderson...............Sailor Mercury  
Raye Hino.....................Sailor Mars  
Lita Kino..................... Sailor Jupiter  
Mina Aino.....................Sailor Venus  
Haruka.........................Sailor Uranus  
Michiru........................Sailor Neptune  
Hotaru......................... Sailor Saturn  
Setsuna.........................Sailor Pluto  
Reeny Warren............... Sailor Chibi (mini)-Moon  
Darien..........................Is Tuxedo Mask in the TV series, but in the story he's portrayed as Serena's boyfriend who hasn't got a clue of who he is.  
Mr. Warren....................Serena's Dad  
Mrs. Warren..................Serena's Mom  
Sammy......................... Serena's Brother  
  
*Note: Inokonumaki is pronounced "In", as in sing, "oko", as in oh-k-oh (long k as in ka), "num", as in numerator (fraction term for the top number), "ak", as in sock, and "ki", as in key *  
  
*Another note: 3.1415927 is the actual # for pi. or at least, as high as an 8-digit calculator can go because, as anyone over 6th grade knows, pi. goes on forever. *  
  
*Yet another note: Odango Atama means dumpling head in Japanese, which Raye and Darien in the Japanese version calls Serena instead of Meatball Head. *  
  
*Yes people, another note. You know you love them: There is a crossover in the last chapter of Sailor Dorks, so look for it, after all, only an idiot can't catch it. *  
  
Narrator: Hi, it's me again, the narrator. Welcome to another exciting (not) sequel of Sailor Dorks. It's been 3 months since the last attempt by the Negaverse to kill (or ruthlessly torment, whichever comes first) the  
Sailor Scouts. It's been the longest gap since they can remember (or at least, what memory they have left) which has made them both a little nervous and very happy for the long break. Serena is at a restaurant with  
Darien and is pigging out on the food, making Darien just a scooch embarrassed. Amy is on a date with Greg at another restaurant after going steady with him for 3 months (refer back to last episode of Sailor Dorks). Raye is cleaning out the temple with Chad and Hotaru is off at Ranma Jewelers looking at the pretty earrings. Haruka is at work selling the jewelry there (Ranma Jewelers for those who can't take a hint), and Michiru is at home clinging to a teddy bear and hoping that Haruka comes back soon.  
Lita is over at the mall drooling over more buys, Mina is at the movies looking at cute guys, and Reeny is actually not driving anyone nuts for the night (the family is getting worried). Luna is at home sleeping like a rock (wonder why?), and Artemis is at his home trying to recover (still) from his latest injuries. He has however, gotten the bandages off of his legs and his tail, though he still has bandages around his whole head and stomach. Setsuna is studying for a huge test that she has in biology somewhere. Now that we have everyone cleared, on with the story!  
  
Serena: Mmmm! Mphmphmphmphmph!  
Darien: (Embarrassed) not so loud, Serena, people are staring.  
Serena: *GULP! * Well let them! See if we care!  
Darien: Actually, I do.  
Serena: (Whining) but this food is so good.  
Darien: All right, all right, stop whining, whatever you say.  
Serena: Yay!  
Darien: Of all people, why did it have to be her?  
Serena: Mph, mphmpmhpmhp *gulp * *chew * *chew * *swallow *.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Amy: This was a wonderful idea, I've never been here before.  
Greg: Neither have I, this is pretty new for me too.  
Amy: So how did your test in Advanced Economics go?  
Greg: Not to good. I got an A.  
Amy: Ouch.  
Greg: You?  
Amy: Same, I was really hoping for an A+ to pull up my grade from an A.  
Greg: Ditto.  
Amy: Hmmm.  
Greg: Yup, oh well, we're here to have some fun, lets forget school for now.  
Amy: (Smiling) sounds good to me.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Michiru: (rocking back and forth with the teddy bear) Haruka, Haruka, Haruka, Haruka, Haruka... Oh I hope she's (Haruka is a she just for a quick F.Y.I. for the unaware) okay...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lita: Hmmm. That one's pretty cute, oh but then there's that other one with the earring! Oh, now he reminds me of my old boyfriend Freddie. No wait, he's much cuter than Freddie and he's a lot cooler than Freddie because Freddie dumped me...  
Mina: Talking to yourself again?  
Lita: Mina?  
Mina: In the skin.  
Lita: You mean in the flesh.  
Mina: Whatever.  
Lita: What are you doing here? I thought you were at the movies swooning over other guys.  
Mina: I was until the guard got mad at me for loitering and threw me out.  
Lita: Ouch.  
Mina: My butt hurts.  
Lita: (sarcastically) I wonder why.  
Mina: That guard's got one big fat lawsuit coming his way.  
Lita: Do you have lawyer?  
Mina: No, but I'll get one.  
Lita: Why? You have to pay them 400-some bucks an hour and that's not counting the fact that if you lose then you lost a bunch of money.  
Mina: I know, but wouldn't it be cool to sue anyway? Call my lawyer! That's my lawyer on the phone. Excuse me, I have to consult my lawyer first. I've always wanted to say those!  
Lita: (rolling her eyes) girl you are in some serious need of psychiatric care.  
Mina: Hey!  
Lita: He he.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Reeny: ...  
Sammy: Is it just me or is Reeny acting really weird tonight?  
Mrs. Warren: I think it's wonderful that Reeny's so quiet and thoughtful.  
Sammy: Uh, sure mom.  
Reeny: (Pretty much out of it) hmmm.  
Sammy: Now she's really starting to creep me out.  
Mr. Warren: Oh, Sammy don't worry about it. She must just be tired or decided to give us a break.  
Sammy: Um, okay.  
Reeny: *Sigh *  
Sammy: I think that I'm gonna play some Sailor V now.  
Reeny: ...  
Sammy: (Mumbling) wow, normally she wants to watch me. This is getting really weird.  
Reeny: ...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Raye: Dum de dum de do...  
  
* CRASH!!! *  
  
Raye: What the @#$%?  
Chad: Oh (c)(r)(tm)%!  
Raye: What the... what happened?!  
Chad: (shaking) I-I-I w-w-was s-s-sweeping h-h-here and and and I-I-I kinda, um, well, ya see Raye I-I-I...  
Raye: You didn't.  
Chad: S-s-s-sorry about that. I-I-I didn't see it.  
Raye: (Loosing her cool really fast) that was a priceless Family Heirloom (raising her voice slowly) THat YOU JUST DESTROYED!!!  
  
*Raye starts to swing her broom at Chad, narrowly missing his head. Chad starts to run around the temple, Raye close behind trying to hit him hard. *  
  
Chad: AAAAAAA!!!  
Raye: THAT WAS A PRICELESS VASE OVER 100 YEARS OLD YOU DORK!!!  
Chad: Sssssssssoooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyy!!!  
Raye: NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!  
Chad: AAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Setsuna: *Grumble grumble grumble grumble grumble... *  
Librarian: Shh!  
Setsuna: ?  
Librarian: (Whispering) this is a library, keep your complaints to yourself!  
Setsuna: (Whispering) then why don't you?  
Librarian: (Whispering) Oh my! OUT NOW!  
Setsuna: (Whispering) gladly!  
Librarian: (Mumbling) no good little hooligans think they can do whatever they want whenever they want...  
Setsuna: (Outside) what a grump! See if I ever come here again! Shoot, I checked out a book.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
  
Hotaru: (Hypnotized) so pretty.  
Haruka: Are you gonna buy those?  
Hotaru: Huh, what? Haruka?  
Haruka: I work here remember?  
Hotaru: No I didn't.  
Haruka: Remember when I was checking out Amy's ring to see if it was real and you asked how I would know?  
Hotaru: No.  
Haruka: Do you remember anything?  
Hotaru: Oh yea, lots a stuff. Let's see, I remember that I want a boyfriend just like Greg who can dish it out for a serious 24 carrot diamond, that my 8-digit calculator goes up to 3.1415927 for pi., that under extreme heat hydrogen turns into helium...  
Haruka: You can remember how high your calculator can go for pi., and you can't even remember 3 months ago when I inspected Amy's ring and told you that I worked here?  
Hotaru: Um, well, I guess so.  
Haruka: Go figure.  
Hotaru: Huh?  
Haruka: You have the world's most selective memory.  
Hotaru: Is that a compliment?  
Haruka: Um, no.  
Hotaru: Oh.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Luna: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzglosogsajhfweuyrw? Mph, mphmph (translated: bad dream). Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Amy: Thanks for the lovely dinner.  
Greg: You're welcome.  
Amy: What do you want to do now?  
Greg: I dunno, walk through the park maybe.  
Amy: Okay.  
  
*Amy and Greg walk to the park talking about school and tests and grades. They reach a bridge over the river where Greg stops her and kisses her pretty good. *  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
*Mina and Lita are walking through the park on their way home from the mall. The got bored (and broke at the food court) at staring at boys and decided to take the long way home. *  
  
Mina: Well.  
Lita: Well.  
Mina: So.  
Lita: Like.  
Mina: Whatever.  
Lita: Uh huh.  
Mina: (Squinting) hey is that Amy up there?  
Lita: Yup, and there's Greg... whoa!  
Mina: Wow, I never knew she could kiss like that.  
Lita: Ditto!  
Mina: No fair, why does the group nerd get the great boyfriend?  
Lita: I don't know, but I want him if it means a cool 24-carrot diamond ring!  
Mina: Same here.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
*At the other end of the park... *  
  
Serena: Mmm that was good!  
Darien: After what I paid it should've been.  
Serena: What was that muffin?  
Darien: Nothing!  
Serena: Oh, you're so sweet.  
Darien: And so are you, my princess.  
Serena: (Giggling) oh Darien stop.  
Darien: He he.  
  
*Darien grabs Serena and gives her his own patented Darien kiss. *  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
*Michiru couldn't wait another second for Haruka and decided to find her (him if you prefer). She decided to take a walk through the south side of the park and came across Serena and Darien. *  
  
Michiru: (Whispering) is he kissing her or eating her face? Wow, man he can kiss. Oh Haruka...  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Narrator: At the Negaverse the 4 generals are all still fuming after their embarrassing loss to the Sailor Scouts. Queen Beryl had had a spaz attack earlier that month and was just about ready to kill them. They ran into hiding at Neflite's very cool temple type thingy where the stars rule everything. Zoicite especially had a fun time staring at the swirling stars and once and awhile that cool beam that would blast down from the center star-type thing. Jedite had finally thawed out after all the generals and Queen Beryl with her spaz attack blasted him out. He is currently in a body cast and still can't speak. Neflite's hanging around reading astrology books, and Malachite is using his cool slicey type weapons to chop down trees because he's so angry at those meddling scouts.  
  
Neflite: Do de do de do.  
Zoicite: (hypnotized) so pretty...  
Jedite: Mph.  
Malachite: (Angrily) YAAAAG!!!  
  
*SLAM!!! *  
  
Neflite: Would you please be more quiet, I'm trying to read.  
Malachite: No.  
Neflite: Pretty please?  
Malachite: No.  
Neflite: Pretty please with sugar on top?  
Malachite: No.  
Neflite: ZOICITE!!!  
Zoicite: WHAT!?!?!?!?  
Neflite: CAN YOU GET MALACHITE TO STOP CHOPPING DOWN TREES WITH HIS SLICEY  
TYPE WEAPONS!!!  
Zoicite: MALACHITE, STOP DRIVING NEFLITE NUTS WITH YOUR TREE CUTTING  
HABIT!!!  
Malachite: (Mumbling) fine.  
Neflite: Thank you.  
Malachite: Ya know, I'm sick of those stupid Sailor Scouts always ruining our plans. I say we destroy them after a thorough investigation on what annoys them and/or what makes them feel all gooey inside, i.e. love.  
Jedite: Mphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmph.  
Malachite: Huh?  
Neflite: He said that that's a good idea and that we need to start thinking up more insults to call those Sailor Scouts because the ones we have are really old.  
Malachite: Wow, you can say that all in one breath?  
Neflite: My special talent.  
Malachite: Cool.  
Zoicite: (Walking out onto the porch to join them) well, what are we waiting for? Let's get started!  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Narrator: It's the next day and all the girls are at (as usual) a scout meeting. Everyone is there, including the outers (who almost never come except for in these stories). Lita, Mina, and Michiru are sharing their  
adventures in the park while Amy and Serena slowly sink farther and farther under the table.  
  
Luna: And Darien was doing what?  
Michiru: I know, it was too disgusting even for me. I mean, the guy was practically eating her face!  
Raye: Whoa, go Serena!  
Serena: (Blushing) *Insert weird noise here *  
Haruka: There's no need to be embarrassed Serena. After all, you and Dare were, like, meant to be.  
Serena: (Turning yet another shade of red) Must we talk about this?  
Mina: No, we can always talk about Amy.  
Lita: Ya, you wouldn't believe what we saw last night!  
Almost everyone: What?  
Artemis: Mph?  
Lita: Mina and I were walking home from the mall right? Well, we decided to take the long way home through the north side of the park. Well, we were, like, walking and talking when suddenly we saw Amy and Greg on the bridge. Mina and I watched as Greg bent down and kissed her. Man oh man Amy, I've  
never seen you kiss like that before. That was like, French city!  
Mina: Totally!  
Amy: (An inhumanly deep shade of scarlet) why are you guys always following him and I? Ever heard of the word privacy?  
Almost everyone: No  
Artemis: Mph.  
Amy: Oh.  
Luna: Well, to get off of this subject of poor Amy, I think the Negaverse is acting up again.  
Artemis: MPHMPH! MPH? (Translation: NEGAVERSE! WHERE?)  
Luna: Nowhere Artemis.  
Artemis: MMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MPH MPH MPH MPH!!! (Translation:  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!)  
Mina: Not this time!  
  
*Mina grabs Artemis and holds on to him (incredibly) tight. Artemis soon passes out from lack of oxygen.*  
  
Mina: There, now he shouldn't run into the stove or microwave or somewhere where he can get hurt and slam more money outta my account.  
Hotaru: You are so mean.  
Mina: Since when?  
Raye: Forget him already! We've gotta go fight those stupid @#$%^&* before they kill us!  
Everyone: !  
Raye: What?  
Reeny: @#$%^&*!  
Serena: Reeny!  
Reeny: What?  
Amy: (Holding Luna P. in one hand and a screwdriver in the other) remember what I said about naughty words, Reeny?  
Reeny: Luna P.!  
Amy: Well?  
Reeny: Fine fine fine fine! I'll never say it again I promise!  
Amy: (Putting Luna P. on the floor and the screwdriver in her pocket) good girl.  
Setsuna: Not to be nosey or anything, but do you always carry a screwdriver  
around with you?  
Amy: Yes.  
Setsuna: Why?  
Amy: Just because, I like to.  
Setsuna: Why?  
Amy: I like to work on things. Mostly computers, sometimes other machines, depending on who wants me to work on what.  
Setsuna: (Confused) okay.  
Serena: (Whining) I don't wanna fight the Negaverse! I was having too much fun taking a break!  
Mina: Isn't 3 months enough?  
Serena: No.  
Lita: How long is?  
Serena: I dunno, a long time.  
Lita: (Confused) um, okay, whatever you say Serena.  
Haruka: But you're our leader, we cannot fight without you!  
Lita: You sound almost like a poet.  
Haruka: Shut up you.  
Lita: Pthththththththth!  
Haruka: Pththththththth!  
Raye: Pthththththththth!  
Michiru: Um, pththththththth!  
Serena: I want in! Pthththththththth!  
Reeny: Me too, pthththththththththth!  
Luna and Amy: Why are you all spitting?  
Mina: Eew, I'm getting soaked!  
Serena: (Pointing to Lita) she started it.  
Raye: I just wanted to spit at Serena.  
Serena: Hey!  
Raye: That's right, I'm talking to you, you sad excuse for a human being!  
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Raye, you're so mmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
Hotaru: Shut up!  
Amy: Really!  
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
Raye: (Shouting) mind lowering the decibels a tad?  
Serena: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
Luna: SHUT UP!!!  
Serena: !  
Luna: Listen to me and listen to me good, the Negaverse is at it again I can feel it!  
Serena: *Sniff * *sniff * but where, Luna?  
Luna: At the south corner on Inokonumaki Drive in the deserted warehouse.  
Haruka: Where do you come up with this stuff?  
Luna: Call it a hunch.  
Michiru: If that's a hunch then you're one major psychic.  
Luna: Well...  
Reeny: What's a hunch?  
Hotaru: Haven't a clue.  
Amy: How could that possibly be a hunch?  
Luna: All right so it's not a hunch, Greg just told me about it.  
Raye: Oh yea, ole profit boy who's going steady with the group nerd.  
Lita: (Knowingly) you mean the guy who was making out with her at the park.  
Amy: Hey!  
Luna: Well, what are we waiting for?  
Raye: Serena to stop sniffing, Reeny and Hotaru to figure out what hunch means, and for Setsuna to say something besides a lame comment on Amy's odd habit of carrying a screwdriver around.  
Setsuna: Well, you were the one's leaving me out of the conversation!  
Raye: Test got ya a little short tempered huh?  
Setsuna: Oh shut up ya little @#$%^!  
Raye: !  
Artemis: (Now awake after being unconscious for awhile)  
mphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmph. (Translation: The Negaverse has probably already taken over that sector of Tokyo at the rate we're going.)  
Mina: When did you wake up?  
Artemis: Mphmphmph (translation: awhile ago).  
Mina: Oh.  
Artemis: Mph, mph (translation: yeah, oh).  
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Narrator: Finally, after about an hour and a half of conversations that had nothing whatsoever to do with the Negaverse, Luna finally was able to get the girls to go to the warehouse (after threatening Artemis with his life). They transformed in an alley and went to the south corner of Inokonumaki Drive where the Negaverse is, in fact, waiting for them.  
  
Malachite: I thought you said that that profit boy that you unsuccessfully tried to capture had a relationship with Sailor Mercury.  
Zoicite: He does, just you wait, they'll be here.  
Jedite: Mphmphmphmph (translation: They had better be).  
Zoicite: Don't worry Jedite, my plan is fool proof.  
Neflite: That's what you said about the other 50 plans that failed.  
Zoicite: I'm only human.  
Neflite: No you're not, if you were then you couldn't levitate, teleport at ease, disappear, reappear, and have an evil laugh that echoes no matter where you are.  
Zoicite: Party pooper.  
Moon: THE SAILOR SCOUTS ARE HERE!!!  
Malachite: Why must you always blast out our eardrums when you enter?  
Moon: Because I like to, that's why!  
Malachite: You annoy me.  
Moon: That's my job, you can check the application.  
Malachite: Where is it?  
Moon: On my old birth certificate, that is, if you didn't destroy it, too, when you destroyed everything in the Silver Millenium!  
Zoicite: Well, at least this time my plan worked.  
Neflite: Which one?  
Zoicite: The one that gets the Sailor Scouts here in the first place.  
Neptune: What are you two Negaretards talking about?  
Zoicite: Well, as usual we shall tell you what are plan was so that you can think it over and defeat us once more.  
Neptune: I'm all ears.  
Zoicite: Well, we went through some old videos in the basement of the castle, along with other things such as papers and journals, when we came across something useful.  
Neptune: And what were the papers and the videos of?  
Zoicite: Our earlier battles with you stupid scouts. Anyway, we came across a video that was shot about a year ago involving the 6th rainbow crystal.  
Uranus: What's a rainbow crystal?  
Mars: (Pondering quietly) rainbow crystal, rainbow crystal, the 6th rainbow crystal... Oh dear.  
Moon: (Suddenly very alert) What oh dear?  
Mars: You don't mean...  
Zoicite: Yup, that boy who's got a relationship or something like that with  
Sailor Mercury. We watched the tape and found out after I forgot that he said to me that he could predict the future ever since he was little. Well, we just used that to our advantage. We gave him our own vision for him to tell one of you meddling scouts and make you come here!  
Mercury: Why you little...  
Neflite: (Macho man voice) ooo I'm so scared!  
Mercury: SHINE AQUA ILLIUSION!!!  
Neflite: OH @#(tm) (c)!  
  
*SLAM!!! Neflite is instantly turned into a Negacicle. Mercury is fuming and threatening to wring their little necks while the scouts try to restrain her. *  
  
Mercury: WHY YOU @#$#%&&*)@#%(!%^%#*(c) (r)$#^$&*^!!!  
Everyone: !  
Chibi-Moon: I don't think now's the time to ask what that meant.  
Zoicite: So you two do have a little something between you.  
Jupiter: They've been going steady for 3 months.  
Mercury: (Clearly upset) oh sure Jupiter, just tell it to the world why don't ya!?!?!  
Jupiter: Sorry.  
Jedite: Mphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmph!  
Everyone: ?  
Neflite: Mphmphmphmphmphmpmphmphmphmph!  
Everyone: ?  
Malachite: Jedite says *insert deep breath here * enough with conversing, I say we kill the Scouts! And Neflite says *insert even deeper breath here * Jedite says enough conversing, I say we kill the Scouts!  
Pluto: Well that just clears everything up.  
Saturn: Mercury, why does your ice permit them from talking?  
Mercury: (In a know-it-all voice) think about it, Saturn.  
Saturn: Okay. *Sailor Saturn sits down and starts to think really hard. *  
Mercury: Sometimes I wonder about you.  
Saturn: Oh, I get it now!  
Zoicite: Well, I'm all with Jedite and Neflite. I say we kill the brats. ZOI!!!  
  
*There's a huge amount of energy that's thrown from Zoicite, slamming all the scouts and Luna. Artemis is at the temple still after being conked out by Luna when she threatened to kill him if they didn't go to investigate. *  
  
Everyone: AAAAAA!!!  
Luna: Ouch.  
Moon: Owwwwwwwwww, wwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa thhhaaaaaattttttttt hhhhhhhuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttttt!  
Mercury: No it didn't.  
Neptune: Yes it did.  
Mercury: No it didn't.  
Neptune: Yes it did.  
Mercury: No it didn't.  
Moon: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
Mercury and Neptune: Shut up, Moon.  
Moon: !  
Mercury and Neptune: What?  
Moon: Well, I can understand but Mercury's never said anything like that before. She's supposed to be the sweet sensible one with the defensive-based powers.  
Neptune: People change.  
Moon: Well, that was certainly a very fast change.  
Mars: You change faster than she does.  
Moon: On normal circumstances, I wouldn't know if that was either a compliment or not, but coming from you I know that it's a criticism.  
Mars: What's your point?  
Moon: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yyyyyooouuur sooooooooooo mmmmeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnn!  
Mars: Oy...  
Venus: Double oy.  
Jupiter: Triple oy.  
Mars: All right you Negaturds, just for making me mad after a short conversation, you're gonna get toasted!  
Malachite: Whatever Mars.  
Jupiter: Better watch out, I read somewhere that lightning and fire are nothing to mess with.  
Malachite: Gee Jupiter that took you, how long to figure out?  
Pluto: I'm mad too!  
Chibi-Moon: Me too, I haven't had so much as one sentence in this whole conversation!  
Pluto: Ditto!  
Saturn: That goes for me too, I haven't had so much as about 3 sentences!  
Pluto and Chibi-Moon: That's more than us.  
Venus: I haven't had one sentence in this conversation except for a measly double oy!  
Jupiter: I've only had about 2 sentences!  
Uranus: I've had one!  
Mars: Well, what do you all say?  
Pluto, Chibi-Moon,Venus, Jupiter, Saturn, and Uranus: LET'S TOAST 'EM!!!  
Zoicite: I think we're in trouble.  
Mars: MARS FIRESTORM!!!  
Jupiter: JUPITER OAK EVOLUTION!!!  
Pluto: DEAD SCREAM!!!  
Saturn: I still can't remember my power.  
Mercury: Gimme a break.  
Venus: VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!  
Chibi-Moon: SUGAR PINK HEART ATTACK!!!  
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!  
Neptune: Hey don't leave me out! RISING TIDE!!!  
Jupiter: All right, we rock!  
Malachite: OOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!  
Zoicite: YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
Jedite: MMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
Neflite: MMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHH!!!  
Zoicite: Owey owey owey owey owey!  
Malachite: (Moaning) oh extreme pain.  
Neflite: (Also moaning) mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmppppppppphhhhhhh.  
Zoicite: Where's Jedite?  
Malachite: Uuhhhhhhh, I think he's unconciouce.  
Zoicite: Uh-oh.  
Moon: MMMMMOOOOOOONNNNNN SCEPTER ACTIVATIOOOOOONNN!!!  
Neflite: Mph!  
Zoicite: Scramble!  
  
*The 4 generals (yes, even Neflite somehow, call it a plot hole if you like) disappear and then reappear in another spot. *  
  
Zoicite: Ha ha ha ha ha!  
Venus: What are you laughing about?  
Zoicite: Oh, just the fact that we got away, that's all.  
Venus: Oh really?  
Malachite: Um, disappear, now!  
Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!  
Neflite: Mph!  
Jupiter: Mwahahahaha!  
Chibi-Moon: What was that for?  
Jupiter: I dunno. I just always wanted to do that evil cackle that they always do.  
Chibi-Moon: Why?  
Jupiter: Just because, it's fun!  
Chibi-Moon: Oh.  
Uranus: Darnit, they got away!  
Venus: Oh well, they had to if we ever want to keep using these cool powers of ours.  
Pluto: I'm with Venus on this one, I like my Death Scream. It's really cool!  
Uranus: World Shaking isn't half-bad either.  
Jupiter: I have the coolest powers of all!  
Mars: Think again, Jupiter.  
Chibi-Moon: Actually, I think I have the best powers of anybody here!  
Uranus: Sure, if you call Sugar Pink Heart Attack powerful and scary.  
Chibi-Moon: It's affective.  
Venus: You're powers sound even sadder than mine.  
Jupiter: She's got a point you know. Love and Beauty Shock sounds a whole lot better than Sugar Pink Heart Attack.  
Chibi-Moon: Everyone's a critic.  
Moon: Darn!  
Everyone: What?  
Moon: I should've at least killed one of them! I think I need to work a little on my aim.  
Luna: A little?  
Pluto: Try a lot.  
Moon: Shut up, Pluto.  
Pluto: I will if you will.  
Moon: Uh, well, shut up anyway.  
Pluto: Can't make me.  
Moon: Now you sound like Reeny.  
Pluto: Now there's a scary thought.  
Chibi-Moon: Hey!  
  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Narrator: Well, everyone's finally back to normal. For once, Artemis is not hurt and is wandering around town getting sympathy (and food) from passerbyers. Raye is somewhere doing something, Serena took Luna to a psychiatrist about her temper, and Mina is at home watching Titanic on video (refer back to Sailor Dorks Part 1, you'll notice a small part-to-part in there) and swooning over Leonardo DiCaprio again. Amy is studying with Greg in the north side of the park (they can't stand not being together more than 7 1/2 hours i.e. school), Darien is wandering through the park trying to collect even more of his thoughts (his brain's already going into overload). Lita is over at the local Odango Atama Café  
drinking tea and staring at the new, young, male waiter, Michiru and Haruka are kissing in the other end of the park (pretend that Haruka is a boy, otherwise this is nasty). Hotaru is hanging out with Reeny (they are best friends in both the Japanese and the American versions of Sailor Moon) somewhere driving even more people nuts, and Setsuna is shooting arrows at a target range to improve her accuracy and aim. Have you ever noticed how each time I come in this story, my part gets even bigger than the last time? Go figure.  
  
Luna: And that ^#*%(c)&%^(r)* cat thinks he's all that! Also, everyone will never listen to me! I tell you, these girls are so @$#^*+)(tm)%^%=$# impossible!  
Psychiatrist: (Staring in awe, amazement, and absolute bewilderment) ...  
Serena: See what I mean, she's completely disoriented.  
Psychiatrist: ...  
Serena: Hello? Anybody home? Hey, I'm paying 20 bucks an hour here, I want answers!  
Psychiatrist: ...  
Luna: @#*%^&*(óJ~+-`=#$&(* (r) % (c) (tm)!  
Psychiatrist: ...  
Serena: (Very angry) Ha! Well, if that's how you're going to treat us then fine. I WANT MY MONEY BACK!!!  
Psychiatrist: ...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Amy: So for problem #3, you take the ratio times the percent to equal the 1st part, then you divide it by the numerator of that fraction, then add it by the square root of 422, and then subtract that by 5?  
Greg: That's how I did it, I can't seem to find any other way to do it.   
Amy: (scribbling in her homework and concentrating) oh, well thanks a bunch.  
Greg: (Staring at Amy) hmmm.  
Amy: (Looking up) huh? (Blushing) Um, what is it?  
Greg: Nothing, I just couldn't help but look at you that's all.  
Amy: (Shyly) well, gee thanks.  
  
*Greg bends over and gives her a good-sized kiss. Notice a pattern starting to emerge here with these two?*  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Haruka: ...  
Michiru: ...  
Haruka: ...  
Michiru: ...  
Some 12-year-old kid: Eew! You guys are gay!  
Haruka: .. WHAT THE @#$%! Why you little @#ó%^&*)~+-^L*(c)(!  
Some 12-year-old kid: (in a valley girl-like tone of voice) well, you stupid gay people are so kissing! This is a park, a public park, so get out, ya gays!  
Haruka: Why I oughta...  
Some 12-year-old kid: AAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Darien: So why does Jedite, Neflite, Zoicite, and Malachite come back after all these years (note: It's been only 1 year, Darien just likes to exaggerate)? Why does Mina, Lita, and the outers not be even confused about Jedite and Neflite? They've never even met them! How about the outers and all of the generals? How did they pick up their names so quickly? What's with me being so paranoid? Why is my head so small compared to the rest of my body? I mean, It's like a pea attached to a neck! Why are my shoulders  
so broad? Dang, I could probably win the next presidential elections over in America with these huge things! Who am I...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Hotaru: Smurfs!  
Reeny: Rugrats!  
Hotaru: Sailor Moon!  
Reeny: Thunder Cats!  
Hotaru: Dragon Ball Z!  
Reeny: The Real Adventures Of Jonny Quest!  
Hotaru: Space Ghost Coast-To-Coast!  
Some old lady: Are you kids seeing who can name the most cartoons without repeating?  
Reeny and Hotaru: Uh, yea.  
Some old lady: Well, when I was your age we didn't have cartoons. Heck, we were lucky if we even had radio! Why I remember the time when...  
Reeny: Uh, no offense or anything, but, we don't care.  
Hotaru: Reeny!  
Reeny: What?  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Mina: *Sigh * what a hunk, too bad he's from America.  
Artemis: What's so bad about America?  
Mina: Artemis! What the heck are you doing here, I thought you were getting free food from people pitying you.  
Artemis: I was until another cat came up and told me to hit the road and that it was his territory.  
Mina: So why didn't you resist or fight back or something like that?  
Artemis: I'm too chicken.  
Mina: Ya know, if you and Leonardo DiCaprio switched bodies, I would hold you forever and never let you outta my sight!  
Artemis: (Very sarcastic) gee, that's really thoughtful for you to say, Mina.  
Mina: Really?  
Artemis: I hate Leonardo DiCaprio! When are you ever gonna get over this guy?  
Mina: Hopefully never.  
Artemis: @#$%!  
Mina: Jealousy killed the cat.  
Artemis: Don't you mean curiosity?  
Mina: That too.  
Artemis: Actually, jealousy and the left front tire of an Oldsmobile is what killed the cat.  
Mina: (Sarcastic) har dee har har.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Setsuna: @#$%!  
Lady Next To Setsuna: ^&*(!  
Man Next To The Lady That's Next To Setsuna: L&$(c)!  
17 Year-Old Punk On The Other Side Of Setsuna: (r)%#(tm)!  
Old Lady Next To The Punk That's On The Other Side Of Setsuna: J*#)!  
Some Drunk Guy Off To The Side Of Setsuna: &^$(c)!  
Some Drunk Lady Next To The Drunk Guy That's Off To The Side Of Setsuna: (r)#@$!  
A Father To-Be Next To The Exit Of The Area: (tm)@#$!  
Some Girl With A Red Backpack And Little Red Balls In Her Pocket Next To The Father To-Be: J#$%!  
Some Guy Next To The Girl With The Red Backpack And Little Red Balls In Her Pocket: ^(*#!  
Some Animal That's Next To The Guy Who's Next To The Girl With A Red Backpack And Little Red Balls in Her Pocket: Picachu!  
Setsuna: I hate moving targets!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lita: (Drooling and dreamily) What a hunk.  
Cute Waiter: What would you like?  
Lita: (Dreamily) you.  
Cute Waiter: Excuse me?  
Lita: (Waking up) I mean, uh, a Dr. Pepper would be cool!  
Cute Waiter: All right, one Dr. Pepper, comin' right up!  
  
*The waiter turns and starts to walk away. *  
  
Lita: Wait don't go!  
Cute Waiter: (Turning around) huh?  
Lita: If you're not busy later, how's about we go see a movie or something?  
Cute Waiter: That's a great offer and all but...  
Lita: But what?  
Cute Waiter: I'm married.  
Lita: (Doing a double take) How old are you?  
Cute Waiter: 27.  
Lita: $%L&!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Raye: I am somewhere doing something.  
Some Person: Why are you talking to yourself?  
Raye: Because I have no idea where I am and what I'm doing.  
Some Person: Oh.  
Raye: ...  
Some Person: You sure are quiet.  
Raye: ...  
Some Person: Are you okay?  
Raye: (Blandly) never better.  
Some Person: Whatever.  
Raye: I am so lost, why don't I have any idea of where I am and what I'm doing?  
Some Person: (Blushing) I'll help you find out what you're doing and where you are.  
Raye: Who are you?  
Some Person: (Grabbing both of Raye's hands) I'm Brock and I'll do anything for a really pretty girl like you!  
Raye: Yuck! Get lost ya pervert!  
  
*Raye hits Brock on the head with her purse and walk away. Brock is left lying on the ground, dazed and with a look of love on his face. *  
  
Brock: (Dreamily) What a girl...  
Some Girl: Brock!  
Brock: What?  
Some Guy: We gotta go, we're in the wrong dimention!  
Brock: We are?  
Some Cute Animal Next To Some Guy: Cachu!  
Brock: But how did we get into another dimention and how do you even know?  
Some Girl: There's no Pokemon here and there's no such thing as Pallet Town.  
Brock: What about Team Rocket?  
Some Guy: Couldn't find them. That's what tipped us off.  
Brock: Shouldn't the no Pokemon thing tipped you off first, Ash?  
Ash: Yea, but we were too busy trying to find you that we didn't notice.  
Some Girl: What do ya mean we? I was the one who noticed that there were no Pokemon and no Team Rocket!  
Ash: Aw, come on Misty, give me some credit.  
Misty: For what?  
  
*Ash and Misty start to growl and get very angry looks on their faces. *  
  
Brock: All right, break it up you two! Let's just go already.  
Ash: Through where?  
Misty: From where we came from you idiot!  
Ash: You mean that target range where everyone was swearing?  
Brock: You and Misty were swearing too.  
Ash: Shut up Brock.  
Some Animal Next To Ash: Picachu!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Greg: ...  
Amy: ...  
Greg: ...  
Amy: ...  
Some Kid: Eew, you guys are kissing just like those gays at the other end!  
I'm telling everyone I know!  
  
*Greg and Amy quickly pull away and stare at the kid. *  
  
Amy: Shut up you.  
Greg: Yea, go find someone else to bug.  
Some Kid: (Looking like he was slapped across the face)  
Mmmmmmmmooooommmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!  
Amy: I'm so sick and tired of everyone spying on us!  
Greg: That goes double for me. Now where were we?  
Amy: (Giggling) ...  
  
Narrator: So that's that. Everyone is back to their normal, sappy, boring, everyday lives and the Negaverse is out of their hair for the moment. All is good in the world.  
  
  
The End?  
  
-----------------------  
So, how'd you like the newest installment? I've noticed that with each part it gets longer and longer. Once 11 pages, it's now 15! Could this keep going on? Anywho, give me feedback if you wish by reviewing, e-mailing, checking out my site, basically just go to my profile and work from there. LOL!!! My site's at www.geocities.com/merc1650 


	4. Sailor Dorks Part 4

Authors Notes: Hey everyone! Sorry it's taken so long to get the next installment in. But here it is! I'm going to Iowa for a volleyball tournament this weekend, so expect the next installment to come in next week, right before spring break! ^^v Otherwise, go to my site, The Unofficial Sailor Moon Funny Site at www.geocities.com/merc1650!   
  
Rating: G or Y, the 2-year-old thing again (hey kiddies, any ideas?)  
  
Disclaimer: *Sigh * I...DO...NOT...OWN...SAILOR...MOON.../...THE...OTHER...SAILOR...  
SCOUTS. I...HATE...LAWYERS...SO...NO...SAILOR...AUTHOR...LAWYERS...  
AROUND...ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
By: Merc  
  
  
Sailor Dorks Part 4  
  
*Note: A little later on there are addresses to evil villains in this story. I would like to say that I've taken the liberty of copying off my telephone the numbers that spell things. Each address and zip code is a word in numerical form. Call it a puzzle if you want to, all you have to do to decode it is look on your phone and keep trying letters until you either get a word or a name. Also, keep tabs and look closely at the last names of each person. Some of them are spelled weird so that it's hard to get, but after awhile you'll get what the last name says. When you are done or if you do not want to decode anything, you can refer to the code breaker sheet that I typed up for these. This sheet includes the address, zip code, and last name of each person(s) in this thing. One last thing, I purposely made the zip codes 8 numbers instead of 5 in the spirit of the story. *  
  
*Another note: Naru is Molly's name in the Japanese series of Sailor Moon, and just for the fun of telling Japanese names in this note, Melvin's name is Umino in the Japanese series. *  
  
*Some more notes: In the Stars series in Sailor Moon, Darien goes to America so the scouts end up battling without him. The Stars series is only showing in Japan, it's the only series that hasn't been translated yet. *  
  
Narrator: Hello and welcome the 4th addition of Sailor Dorks! I know that by now you're probably not even going to look at another one of these but as you can plainly see the author is desperate for excuses to have the computer. Anyway, it's been awhile since the last Negaverse attack and the generals are out of ideas. Queen Beryl, once she heard about their one-millionth failure went insane and blew up half of her castle in one monster spaz attack. She's in the process of recovery while her castle is under renovation after the attack. The generals heard from an outside source that Queen Beryl knew where they were and fled to Jedite's house in the Negaverse. Neflite was blown out of his icy case by Beryl and is now on portable life support, and Zoicite is playing nurse and reading (again) by Neflite's bedside. Jedite is now out of his body cast and wandering around his house, and Malachite is throwing whatever he can at a homemade sailor  
scout target. Now then, on with the show!  
  
Neflite: ...  
Zoicite: Do de do de do...  
Jedite: *walk * *walk * *walk *  
Malachite: YAAAAAAG!!!  
  
*SLAM!!! *  
  
Neflite: ...  
Zoicite: Please my love, no more.  
Malachite: YAAAAAAG!!!  
  
*SLAM!!! *  
  
Zoicite: MALACHITE QUIT IT!!!  
Malachite: (Sheepishly) sorry.  
Jedite: You actually let her boss you around like that?  
Malachite: Ya, well, I have to.  
Jedite: Do you?  
Malachite: I may have neat slicey-type weapons but man oh man can she pack a punch.  
Jedite: So slice her up.  
Malachite: I tried to but she's more powerful than I am.  
Jedite: Poor you.  
Malachite: Yea, well, ya learn to live with it.  
Jedite: Hey, off the subject here, have you heard about the queen?  
Zoicite: No.  
Jedite: Well, she's finally been admitted into rehab.  
Zoicite: And how would you know?  
Jedite: The Negaverse Times of course.  
Zoicite: Oh.  
Neflite: ...  
Malachite: Well, it's those moronic scouts that kill our plans and drive our queen mad in the first place!  
Zoicite: I see we've been practicing our name calling huh?  
Malachite: Oh yea, and I've got alotta new names to call them too.  
Jedite: Neat.  
Malachite: (Angry) Well, anyway, I say we kill the brats!  
Neflite: ...  
Jedite: Uh, maybe this time we could try not to right away, I mean,  
remember what happened the other 46,873,594 times we tried to kill them?  
Malachite: So? This time it'll be different!  
Zoicite: (Sarcastically) That's what you say every time.  
Jedite: Yea, I say that this time we join forces with other evils and kill em' then.  
Zoicite: Sounds good to me.  
Neflite: ...  
Malachite: Yea, one problem though. Who are we gonna call!?  
Zoicite: I've been keeping tabs on those mangy scouts ever since I died and got sent back to this *&^%-hole.  
Jedite: And?  
Zoicite: I know exactly who to call.  
Malachite: Who?  
Zoicite: Just send these letters that I already made in case of emergency to the following addresses.  
  
*Zoicite hands Malachite a sheet of paper. Malachite reads it, it says:  
  
Address #1. Ann and Alan Treahugher  
87337 Doom Tree,  
Middle Of Nowhere, Milky Way Galaxy  
62887478  
  
Address #2. Birdie, Catsey, Avary, and Prisma Catchtheatwearp  
56657 Mirror Drive,  
Huge Space Ship, Earth's Orbit  
40035665  
  
Address #3. Rubeus Echolaugh  
73369 Mirror Drive,  
Other Huge Space Ship, Earth's Orbit  
38454897  
  
Address #4. Emerald Verybaadvoicee  
86225 Nega Moon Ave.,  
Nega Moon, Milky Way Galaxy,  
22352844  
  
Address #5. Wise Man, Diamond and Sapphire Jewealnaames  
53935 Nega Moon Palace,  
Nega Moon, Milky Way Galaxy  
87248677  
  
Malachite: That's it?  
Zoicite: Yup.  
Malachite: I thought we were their only enemies.  
Zoicite: We were, until we kicked the bucket.  
Jedite: I.e. the R series and up.  
Malachite: Huh?  
Jedite: You'll get it someday.  
Malachite: But we're alive.  
Jedite: That's right, we came back after the Stars series and the Starlight's hung up their uniforms for good.  
Malachite: HUH!?!?!?  
Zoicite: Oh boy...  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Narrator: It's been a few months (again) since the Sailor Scouts ever saw the Negaverse kick it in gear. The scouts decided that it's just another Negaverse thing and didn't give it a second thought. Again, the scouts are one Spring Break, which lasts a month because they go to year-round school. Don't ask me that's just the way it is in Japan, honest to Buddha! Anyway, Serena's at the mall with Lita and Mina checking cute clothes (not guys for once) and accessories. Darien's walking with Reeny and trying to keep her from singing that annoying Tuxedo Mask song one more time, and Raye is at the temple doing another fire reading (you'd think that after awhile she'd get hot). Amy and Greg are at the Malt shop with Michiru and Haruka on a double date, and Hotaru is cleaning the house in order to make enough money for a new computer after she accidentally crashed her father's in a freak fuse-blowing accident. Luna and Artemis are at Setsuna's home where Setsuna is feeding them tuna and some left over carp before she goes to work. Now that we have everyone checked out, let's get on with the show!  
  
Serena: (Squealing) ooh, and they have pink and sugar pink and light pink and fuchsia and hot pink and neon pink and sweet-baby pink and...  
Lita: (Impressed) wow, and they have kiwi green and sea green and jungle green and green and dark green and forest green and camouflage green and...  
Mina: (Very ditzy) cool, they have light orange, and sun yellow and lemon yellow and neon orange and dark orange and light yellow and tan yellow and...  
Lita: This store is so cool!  
Serena: I just want everything in it!  
Mina: I wish I could!  
Lita: I just wish I had the money for it all.  
Mina: Ditto!  
Lita: Hey, check out this way cool purse!  
Serena: Ooh, looking pretty hot Lita!  
Lita: Thanks!  
Mina: I've died and gone to heaven.  
Lita: That goes double for me.  
Serena: That goes triple for me!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Amy: So that's how I saved those Rainbow Crystal carriers.  
Greg: I thought you were very brave.  
Haruka: Oh puke.  
Amy: Hey!  
Michiru: I'm much more interested in what Haruka's accomplished.  
Greg: I don't think this double date is going to work out.  
Haruka: That goes double for me.  
Greg: Oh, well, thanks for letting us tag along.  
Haruka: No problemo!  
  
*Greg and Amy get up and leave the malt shop. They decide to go to their favorite spot, a small desolate spot by the pond where no one goes. Not even nosey little kids with annoyance problems. *  
  
Greg: So, do good on your math test?  
Amy: A+, you?  
Greg: A+.  
Amy: ...  
Greg: ...  
Amy: *Sigh *  
Greg: Um...  
Amy: What?  
Greg: Nothing.  
Amy: Oh.  
  
*Greg pulls Amy up to him and again, as usual, gives her his own patented Greg kiss. *  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Haruka: Glad we finally got rid of them.  
Michiru: Ditto.  
Haruka: Michiru, you're so pretty.  
Michiru: (Giggling) oh stop.  
Haruka: Come on, I know a great movie that's showing down at the Nadesico Cinema!  
Michiru: But what about our date?  
Haruka: Well, it is pretty dark in there. Especially if you sit in the back row...  
Michiru: (Teasingly) you know Haruka, it's even darker at the Genma Movie Theater.  
Haruka: Genma Movies, here we come!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Reeny: ... When I'm with Tuxedo Mask!  
Darien: (Annoyed) Um, Reeny, could you please stop that.  
Reeny: No way Tuxedo Mask!  
Darien: Better be careful or the Negaverse will know who I am.  
Reeny: (Humming) hmmm hmmm hmm hmm, WHEN I'M WITH TUXEDO MASK!!!  
Darien: (Whispering) not so loud Reeny, the Negaverse might hear you!  
Zoicite: Too late.  
Darien: @#$%!  
Reeny: *Gasp * you said a bad word, now I'll have to get Amy to destroy something valuable of yours with her screwdriver or some other thingy!  
Zoicite: That's all right, I've known for about a year, there's nothing to hide.  
Darien: You've known who I am for a year? %^&*!  
Reeny: AMY!!!  
Zoicite: (Very annoyingly) he he he he he!  
Darien: (tm) $%)=@#^&*((c) (r)@#$%^&*)(tm) (c)((r)!  
Reeny: Whoa.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Prof. Tomoe: And when you're done vacuuming you can sweep the back porch.  
Hotaru: (Vacuuming) WHAT!?!?!?!?  
Prof. Tomoe: I SAID, WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THAT YOU CAN SWEEP THE BACK PORCH!!!  
Hotaru: WHAT!?!?!?  
Prof. Tomoe: I SAID... JUST FORGET IT!!!  
Hotaru: WHAT!?!?!?!?  
Prof. Tomoe: TURN THAT @#$% THING OFF!!!  
Hotaru: WHAT!?!?!?!?!?  
  
*Prof. Tomoe goes over to Hotaru and turns off the vacuum. *  
  
Prof. Tomoe: (As calmly as he can without strangling her) I said, when you're done vacuuming, you can sweep the back porch.  
Hotaru: Oh.  
Prof. Tomoe: Excuse me for a moment...  
Hotaru: ?  
  
*Prof. Tomoe walks outside away from his daughter. *  
  
Prof. Tomoe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Raye: (Chanting) oh great fire, show me something snoopy...  
  
*A picture of Darien swearing appears in the flames. *  
  
Raye: Nah, a little more snoopier.  
  
*A picture of Michiru and Haruka kissing at the movies appears in the flames. *  
  
Raye: Ooh; now this is getting good. Oh great fire, get real snoopy!  
  
*A picture of Amy and Greg kissing appears in the flames. *  
  
Raye: (Whispering) jackpot!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Setsuna: Here's some more for the hard-working kitties. Luna: (Mouth full) mphmphmphmph (translation: This is great!)  
Artemis: (In an Austin Powers voice) jackpot baby!  
Setsuna: (Smiling) I'm glad that you like it so much!  
Luna: *GULP!!! * Say, Setsuna, is this tuna?  
Setsuna: No, it's dog chow, the only thing I have left in the cupboard.  
Luna: (Weird face) Uh, oh gee look at the time, it's time for Serena's aiming lessons!  
Artemis: (Even weirder face) oh, gee and to think that it's also time for Mina's quote session too! Darn, guess we gotta go.  
Setsuna: ?  
  
*Luna and Artemis race out the door at lightning speed. *  
  
Setsuna: ?  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Narrator: Now, while all this is going on, the people that the 4 Generals sent out for came as soon as they could. Everyone had seemed to change over the years too: Ann and Alan have since been married, the 4 Sisters got new wardrobes, Rubeus finally changed his hair for the better (cut it to a good length), and the Wise Man got a new robe. Emerald had been taking voice lessons and now has a more tolerable laugh, Diamond changed his outfit to the more 90's style, and Sapphire changed his name to Bob.  
  
Ann: I hope the Doom Tree can survive without us.  
Alan: It will my sweet, don't you worry.  
Ann: (Lovey-Dovey) Oh Alan, you always know just what to say.  
Zoicite: Oh puke.  
Malachite: Listen, you're all here to because we have sent you to help us.  
Prisma: No duh.  
Catsey: It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.  
Malachite: Um, yea, anyway, we need your help in catching those mangy Sailor Scouts. They always seem to destroy our plans no matter what we do!  
Diamond: Um, well, dude, how do we know what you've failed at so that, like, we can know not to make the same mistakes that you did?  
Jedite: Good question, we put together this videotape of our failures so that you can watch and learn!  
Birdie: You're scaring me.  
Jedite: How?  
Birdie: You sound way too optimistic.  
Jedite: Oh.  
Malachite: Is it set up Zoicite?  
Zoicite: Yup, she's ready to roll!  
Malachite: All right everyone, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!  
Bob: This should be interesting.  
  
*The videotape runs for about 2 hours and finishes. *  
  
Malachite: Any questions or comments?  
Wise Man: I've got one, you guys are pathetic!  
Malachite: Is that a question or a comment?  
Wise Man: Uh that's a comment, Shirlock.  
Malachite: Oh.  
Zoicite: Duh.  
Malachite: Hey!  
Rubeus: So, are we gonna get cracking on a plan or what?  
Emerald: Yea, let's get those retarded scouts for good this time *insert evil cackle here *!  
  
*Everyone leaves except for Ann, Alan, and Avary who stay behind for a moment. *  
  
Avary: Uh, Ann, Alan, can I ask you something?  
Ann: Yea?  
Avary: What's that Doom Tree thing that you were talking about?  
Ann: Better let Alan explain that one.  
Alan: Well, this tree is what gives us our energy and life.  
Avary: So...  
Ann: If the TREE dies, WE die!  
Avary: Whoa, no need to get crabby!  
Alan: Really Ann, there's nothing to get worked up about.  
Avary: One more question, is Ann a sucker for pink or what?  
Alan: Anything pink she loves, it's gets real annoying after awhile though.  
Call her the pink freak if you will.  
Ann: ALLEN!!!  
Alan: What? I was just telling her about your pink habit and your love to for that tree of ours.  
Ann: If the TREE dies, we die ALLEN!  
Alan: Wow, sorry I even suggested!  
Ann: Darien's MINE sleaze!  
Avary: Whoa where did that come from?  
Alan: I haven't a clue.  
Ann: Hey, I was just contemplating this. OK, so, if the tree dies, then we die?  
Alan: I'm lost.  
Avary: What?  
Ann: All I want is to be kissed by my prince and fall in LOVE!  
Alan: Ann, are you all right?  
Ann: Don't forget ALLEN, if the tree dies, we die.  
Alan: Um, yea, whatever you say Ann.  
Ann: (Facing Avary) Give me your energy!  
Avary: (Scared out of her wits) AAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
Alan: Ann, calm down!  
Ann: What are those brown things?  
Alan: WHAT!?!?!?!?  
Ann: So, you're saying, if we die, then it could be because the tree died?  
Alan: I'm gone.  
  
*Alan sprints through the door leaving Ann to herself. *  
  
Ann: Hey Allen, wait for me!  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Narrator: Okay now, it's a few days later and the Negaverse has come up with some sort of evil plan to kill the scouts. They set it into motion by sending out an article on the front page of the life section in the Tokyo Times. Amy (who else?) sees it and calls an emergency scout meeting. Everyone shows and well, um, on with the show!  
  
Haruka: This had better be important.  
Hotaru: Why?  
Haruka: Because she interrupted me in the middle of the Daytona 500.  
Hotaru: What's that?  
Haruka: I'll explain it to you when you're older.  
Hotaru: Oh.  
Lita: Where is Amy anyway?  
Amy: Right behind you.  
Lita: AAA!!! GEEZ AMY, DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!!!  
Amy: (Trying to clean out her ears so she can hear) sorry.  
Haruka: All right you, you got me out of the best part of the Daytona 500, so what gives?  
Amy: Well, did anyone here read the newspaper?  
Everyone: No.  
Amy: Well, I was and I came across something quite interesting on the front page of the life section.  
Michiru: So?  
Amy: So, read this article.  
  
*Amy puts the life section of the newspaper on the table. There's a huge red circle where an article, "Vengeance Will be Ours" is circled. *  
  
This is what the article said:  
  
Sailor Scouts, this is not a trap. We want to meet you at the grocery store on Ryoga Ave. on Pika St. We want to duke it out and kill you all. Tickets to watch the fight are on sale now so get them while they're hot! Wait, take that back, don't. There are no tickets! This is another evil Negaverse ploy to capture you weak and pathetic humans and drain you of energy for no reason whatsoever! Oops, I think I wrote too much. Well, just meet us there at 7:00 p.m. sharp or else. Mercury, you should be reading this, so we would all just like to say that you're a really annoying nerd and that Sailor Moon is a really big klutz with a lotta luck! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
Serena: (Really, really upset) ooooooooooooooooo! Why I oughta rip their heads off and toss them into the sewer!  
Raye: This is spooky how right they are about you two though.  
Amy and Serena: Hey!  
Raye: What, it's true!  
Serena: RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE,  
YYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU'RRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SSSSSSSOOOOOOOO MMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!  
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
Raye: (Covering her ears) COULD YOU LOWER THE DECIBLES A TAD!?!?!?!?  
Serena: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
Everyone: SHUT UP SERENA!!!  
Serena: !  
Mina: Thank you.  
Serena: *sniff * *sniff * no problem.  
Setsuna: Well, you're our fearless leader. Let us go battle the Negaverse once and for all!  
Artemis: YAY!!!  
Serena: Oh boy.  
Lita: (Mimicking Setsuna in a teasing way) ya Serena, you're our fearless leader. Lead us into battle so we can fight and get hurt and bruised and cut and scraped and...  
Serena: Gak!  
Mina: Quit scaring the leader, Lita.  
Lita: He he.  
Raye: I can't believe she's our leader. What a ditz/klutz/lazy/crybaby person!  
Serena: Hey!  
Raye: What, it's true.  
Serena: So? I'm still the leader and there's nothing you can do about it so (sticks out her tongue) nyah!  
Raye: What a baby. The only person who could possibly be any worse is Reeny, the lovely leader's kid.  
Reeny: Hey!  
  
*Reeny, Serena, and everyone else start to jump on Raye and start fighting. Think of that cartoon cloud of dust when 2 or more people are fighting. *  
  
Luna: Oh boy...  
Artemis: Jeez...  
Amy: Oy...  
  
Narrator: Later on that day all the scouts are at Ryoga Grocery Store along with about half of Japan. Everyone apparently loves the scouts and want a picture or an autograph from them.  
  
Mercury: Did they honestly have to put what they did in the newspaper?  
Tuxedo Darien: No, but then again they're so stupid that they probably couldn't think of any other way to get to us.  
Saturn: Where did you come from?  
Tuxedo Darien: I was bored and lately you guys have been having all the fun, so I wanted to tag along this time.  
Uranus: You aren't even in your battle clothes!  
Tuxedo Darien: You mean that darn $3,000 suit with the really annoying cape that always gets in my way and the huge top hat that sticks to my head? Neptune: You left out that little mask thingy that sticks to your face without any straps.  
Tuxedo Darien: Yea, that thing too.  
Moon: So why don't you just transform back into Endymion so that you have an even bigger cape, a ton of heavy steel, a sword that you never use, and huge shoulder pad type thingys that are made out of steel or iron or aluminum or something like that?  
Tuxedo Darien: Um, yea Sailor Moon, whatever you say.  
  
Narrator: The scouts make into the store after fighting the crowd like nuts and then bolting the door shut so that they can't get in. Tuxedo Darien was thrown into the crowd to help keep them busy for awhile.  
  
Jupiter: (Panting) you would've thought that they would've let us through so that we could save the world.  
Venus: Heck, they had to go all out didn't they? Signs, autograph books, and even a couple of news helicopters!  
Chibi-Moon: Hey, someone ripped off one of my pigtails!  
Saturn: That'll hurt.  
Chibi-Moon: MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!  
  
*Just then the evil bad guys/girls appear over the scouts and float down, staring at them menacingly. *  
  
Diamond: So, Sailor Moon, we meet again.  
Moon: Oh great, ol' lover boy. How's it going Diamond? Gotten over your crush on me yet?  
Diamond: No.  
Moon: Great.  
Jupiter: Hey Rubeus, how's it going? Repair that ship of yours yet?  
Rubeus: (Sarcastically) ha ha Jupiter, very funny.  
Saturn: Hey, you're that guy, um, Sapphire! That's it, how's it going?  
Bob: Actually, I changed my name to Bob.  
Saturn: Bob?  
Bob: Yea, Bob.  
Uranus: Why?  
Bob: Because I wanted to.  
Uranus: Um, okay, whatever you say Bob.  
Bob: Quit that.  
Uranus: Quit what?  
Bob: That way that you say my name.  
Uranus: Bob?  
Bob: There, you did it again!  
Uranus: Did what?  
Neptune: Haven't a clue.  
Uranus: Uh...  
Bob: Just drop it.  
Uranus: Uh... okay.  
Emerald: Yo Venus! What's cooking?  
Venus: Nothing much.  
Emerald: No new boyfriends?  
Venus: A bunch of hotties, no boyfriends.  
Emerald: Drag.  
Venus: Really.  
Emerald: Normally guys fall for dumb blondes. I wonder what happened?  
Venus: I don't know, I guess I'll never understand the male mind... hey wait a minute!  
Birdie: Hey there Merc.  
Mercury: Huh?  
Catsey: She was talking to you.  
Mercury: Oh.  
Birdie: So, you ready to rumble?  
Mercury: Yea, as soon as everyone else is.  
Avary: What's that supposed to mean?  
Mars: What she means is that everyone's too busy yakking to start fighting.  
Avary: Oh.  
Prisma: Well, in that case, um... YOU AND ME MARS!!!  
Mars: YOU'RE ON!!!  
  
*Prisma throws a big thing of energy at Mars, but Mars dodges and gives her a good taste of her own medicine. *  
  
Mars: MARS FIRESTORM!!!  
Prisma: AAAA!!! Hot hot hot!  
Mars: (Evil cackle) he he he.  
Pluto: Nice shot.  
Mars: Thanks Plute!  
Pluto: Plute?  
Mars: What, its short for Pluto.  
Pluto: By 1 letter.  
Mars: Actually no, but by a couple of sounds.  
Pluto: Whatever.  
Jupiter: Hey that looked like fun, let me try! JUPITER THUNDER DRAGON!!!  
Rubeus: AAAAA!!! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!  
Jupiter: That was too easy.  
Mercury: You zapped him like a bug zapper does a mosquito.  
Jupiter: Yea, I know. Man I rock!  
Rubeus: Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh.  
Jupiter: Oops, he's still conscious, better zap him again!  
Mercury: You want to, I can tell.  
Jupiter: How did you know? JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!  
Rubeus: AAAAAA!!! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!  
Mercury: Let's just say that I know you real well.  
Jupiter: Scary.  
Bob: YAAAAAAAAAAG!!!  
  
*Bob throws a huge ball of energy at Sailor Venus, who just stands there like a dope and gets slammed. *  
  
Venus: AAAAAAAA!!!  
Everyone: VENUS!!!  
Venus: ...  
Moon: Oh no!  
Pluto: Well, there goes one of the dumb blondes.  
Everyone: !  
Pluto: What? Even I'm allowed to say something irrational at one time or another!  
Saturn: Hey Mercury, can ya scan her and see if she's all right?  
Mercury: Sure.  
  
*Mercury whips out her trusty-dusty computer and starts typing like mad. *  
  
Mercury: She's fine, she won't remember who she is, where she lives, if she's a boy or a girl, why she's dressed like that, and a lot more, but other than that she'll be just honkey-dorey.  
Uranus: That's okay?  
Mercury: She's not dead.  
Neptune: Good point.  
Uranus: Okay then, Bob, I think it's time for some action!  
Bob: Fine by me, YAAAAAAAAG!!!  
  
*Again he throws a huge thing of energy, this time at Uranus who counterattacks with her power. *  
  
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!  
Bob: I'm SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKKINGGGGGGGG!!!  
Uranus: He he he.  
Bob: ...  
Neptune: My hero!  
Luna: Oh puke.  
Artemis: I'll second that.  
Mercury: That's 3 down, 11 to go.  
Moon: Oy.  
Chibi-Moon: Double oy.  
Pluto: Well, then. I say we get busy.  
Mercury: Each one of us should take 1 enemy, who ever defeats their rival first gets first dibs on another enemy.  
Saturn: Whoever has me better have good life insurance.  
Mercury: Ready, set, GO!!!  
Narrator: Each scout takes an enemy. Moon gets Diamond, Mars gets Catsey, Venus just lies there, Mercury gets Birdie, Jupiter gets Avary, Saturn get Ann, Pluto gets Alan, Uranus gets Malachite, Neptune gets Zoicite, and Chibi-Moon gets Wise Man.  
  
*BAM!!! *  
*SLASH!!! *  
*WHAM!!! *  
*AAAAA!!! *  
*ZZZZZZ!!! *  
*RUMBLE RUMBLE!!! *  
*EEK!!! *  
*WHOOSH!!! *  
*SLAM!!! *  
*GAK!!! *  
*BOOM!!! *  
*OUCH!!! *  
*YAAG!!! *  
*KABOOM!!! *  
  
Narrator: Later on after all this, the scouts win and they go home. Notice the sudden and annoying ending to this battle. The author of this story is incredibly lazy if I do say so myself. Oh well, at least the author didn't make them lose. Go scouts. Yay.  
  
Moon: That was too easy.  
Chibi-Moon: That was, only one problem.  
Moon: What?  
Chibi-Moon: Where in the universe are we ever going to make enough money to repair that store?  
  
*Chibi-Moon motions at the crater behind her where the store used to be. *  
  
Moon: Uh-oh.  
Chibi-Moon: Do you think mommy will give us a raise on our allowance by any chance?  
Moon: Don't count on it.  
Chibi-Moon: Darn!  
Moon: Really, they had the lowest prices in town!  
Chibi-Moon: That's not what I meant.  
Moon: Oh.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Narrator: It's later on that week and all is good (mostly). The people of Tokyo decided to forgive the scouts after they figured that it was better to have a blown up grocery store than a blown up world. The scouts are all very relieved by this (why wouldn't they be). Serena and Raye are fighting at Raye's temple, Amy and Greg are studying, and Lita and Mina are hanging out at the mall with Luna and Artemis. Michiru and Haruka are watching the rest of the Daytona 500 that Haruka taped after she had been called to the  
scout meeting earlier. Hotaru and Reeny are window shopping at a strip mall, Darien is sitting on top of a building somewhere still trying to collect his thoughts, and Setsuna is sitting at home just being bored. Now  
that we have everyone cleared up, on with the show!  
  
Serena: I say Sweet Tokyo High is the best show to ever come out!  
Raye: No way! It's so Temple Traveling With Bob The Monk!  
Serena: Temple Traveling With Bob The Monk? That's the lamest show I've ever heard!  
Raye: Oh ya?  
Serena: Ya!  
Raye: Thpthpthpthpthp!  
Serena: Thpthpthpthpthpthpthp!  
Raye: THPTHPTHPTHPTHTPTHP!!!  
Serena: THPTHPTHPTHPTHPTHPTHP!!!  
Raye: THPTHPTHPTHP!!!  
Serena: Hey wait a minute!  
Raye: Thpthp... huh?  
Serena: Something just hit me here, I thought you hated TV!  
Raye: I do!  
Serena: Then why are we arguing about TV shows if you never watch TV?  
Raye: I do once in awhile.  
Serena: But you just said that you hated TV.  
Raye: So? I watch some shows that are worth my time on the tube.  
Serena: I'm lost.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lita: I...am...so...bored.  
Mina: ...Ditto...  
Luna: You're bored? What about us poor cats?  
Lita: So...go away then...you don't...have to hang around us...rain clouds.  
Mina: ...Really...  
Artemis: I would except I'm having too much fun teasing you.  
Mina: ...Shut up Artemis...  
Artemis: Hey, you two don't have any money, and no boyfriends, which leaves you with us cats! He he he he ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
Lita: ...Ugh...  
Luna: ...  
  
*BAM!!! *  
  
Artemis: OW!!! Luna, what was that for?  
Luna: ...you...are...so...annoying...Artemis...  
Lita: Here here.  
Mina: ...Really...  
Artemis: ...(Mumbling) party poopers.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Haruka: COME ON JOHNSON, SLAM THAT GUY!!! NO, THE PIT STOP!!! BRAKE AT THE PIT STOP!!! NO, NOT TOO LONG AROUND THE BEND!!!  
  
*CRASH!!! *  
*BAM!!! *  
*BOOM!!! *  
* OH AND JOHNSON IS OUT OF THE RACE AFTER AN INCREDABLE LEAD FOR THREE LAPS!!! *  
  
Haruka: NO!!!  
Michiru: Uh, NO!!!  
Haruka: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU IDIOT!?!?!?!  
Michiru: Um, YA, YOU IMBOSILE!!!  
Haruka: HOW COULD YOU JUST BLOW OFF THAT PIT STOP LIKE THAT!?!?!?!? YOU HAD  
NEXT TO NO FUEL AND A LOOSE WHEEL!!!  
Michiru:...Oh yea, YOU @#$%^!!! What were you thinking?  
Haruka: You don't get this, do you sweetie?  
Michiru: I'm trying.  
Haruka: That's okay, I love you no matter what you understand and don't.  
Michiru: Oh, Haruka.  
Haruka: Michiru...  
Michiru: Haruka...  
Haruka: Michiru...  
  
*AND ANDERSON TAKES TH-- *click *  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Setsuna: I...am...so...bored...  
Wall: ...  
Setsuna: I...am...so...very...bored...  
Wall: ...  
Setsuna: ...Much company you are...  
Wall: ...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Darien: (Thinking) Who am I? Why did the Negaverse team up against us and somehow end up loosing? Why am I the only boy on the scout team? Why am I attracted to Serena when I'm 4 years older than her? What do I do for a living? Why did I come back to Japan when I was perfectly happy in America?  
Who is Reeny? Who invented homework? Why do I wear such a stupid outfit when I'm battling the Negaverse? I wonder who thought of the idea of me fighting them in style with such an annoying cape? Why do those hand clickers that are used in the Spanish community played whenever I show up?  
Why do I talk like a haiku when I'm about to battle? Who am I...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Amy: ...  
Greg: ...  
Amy: ...  
Greg: Good book?  
Amy: Yea, yours?  
Greg: Okay.  
Amy: What's the title?  
Greg: War and Peace.  
Amy: Oh, I read that book. It's pretty long, but it gets interesting later on.  
Greg: Cool, what are you reading?  
Amy: Book of Virtues.  
Greg: I read that book, it's pretty good.  
Amy: Yea, I like it so far.  
Greg: ...  
Amy: ...  
Greg: *Sigh *  
Amy: Hmm?  
Greg: ...  
Amy: Are you okay?  
Greg: Yea, why?  
Amy: (Blushing) well, you just keep glancing at me that's all.  
Greg: (Blushing) sorry.  
Amy: Don't be.  
Greg: Um...  
Amy: Hmm?  
Greg: Could I maybe kiss you?  
Amy: You know my answer is always yes.  
Greg: (Blushing and smiling) Hmm.  
Amy: (Giggling) Hey...!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Reeny: La la la la la la LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA-TI-DA!!!  
Hotaru: Umm, could you keep it down a tad, Reeny?  
Reeny: No.  
Hotaru: Why not?  
Reeny: Because I love to annoy people.  
Hotaru: Oh.  
Reeny: ...  
Hotaru: ...  
Reeny: ...  
Hotaru: ...  
Reeny: ...  
Hotaru: Why the sudden silence?  
Reeny: I got nuttin' to do.  
Hotaru: Well then, what are we doing right now?  
Reeny: I forgot.  
Hotaru: Talk about a short-term memory.  
Reeny: HEY!!!  
Hotaru: Well, in case you forgot we're window shopping at a strip-mall.  
Reeny: Oh.  
Hotaru: There's no one but me to annoy, is that it?  
Reeny: Yea.  
Hotaru: Well then, next time why don't we go to a strip-mall that hasn't been deserted by the whole city.  
Reeny: Good idea.  
  
Narrator: Well, our scouts' lives have finally gotten back to normal. The world is safe once more, and everyone has forgiven them for the destruction of the best grocery store in the city. It seems that everyone is happy, so all is good! Thank you for reading this addition of Sailor Dorks. I'm the Narrator saying good day!  
  
THE END?  
  
-----------------------------  
So, like, hate, indifferent? Tell me by reviewing, e-mailing me, IMing me, and any other way that you know to contact me. ^^ Visit my web site also, the Unofficial Sailor Moon Funny Site at www.geocities.com/merc1650! 


	5. Sailor Dorks Part 5

Authors Notes: I'm sad to say that because of the new policy on FF.net, you won't be able to view my Top Tens Lists anymore. v.v You can see them on my web site though, at www.geocities.com/merc1650.   
  
Rating: G or and definite Y, bring in the 2-year-olds!  
  
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN SAILOR MOON AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT ONE LITTLE BIT, THE ONLY THINGS THAT I OWN OF IT ARE A FEW ITEMS OF MERCHANDISE, MANGA, AND THIS STORY AND THAT'S IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE, NOT SUEING, I'M BEGGING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
By: Merc  
  
Sailor Dorks Part 5  
  
*Note: Moshi moshi is how the Japanese answer their phones, it basically means hello hello. Hey, you learn something new everyday! *  
  
*Another note: Pokesta is how you say pocket monsters in Japanese and that's the original name for Pokemon. It's pronounced Poke- (you already know that part), shta (honest!).  
  
Narrator: Moshi moshi! Welcome to the next edition (run for your lives!) of Sailor Dorks! Well, this time the scouts are in school, which is odd because they have so many breaks it's as though they don't even have  
school. Anyway, it had been about a month since the last big attack. The Ryoga Grocery Store was rebuilt with the help of about 1000 volunteers who loved the store and its prices too much to just leave it a giant crater. Well, Serena is in detention, Raye is at the temple sweeping, Amy's at cram school (and not with Greg for a change), and Lita is cooking at her apartment. Mina and Artemis are hanging out somewhere, Luna is at her favorite trashcan, and Hotaru is sitting around doing nothing. Setsuna is busy working on homework, Haruka is studying, and Michiru is practicing her violin in the same room as Haruka. Well, that should cover everything, so on with the show!  
  
Serena: *Grumble* *grumble* *write* *write*.  
Ms. Haruna: Serena, are you done with that paper yet?  
Serena: *Grumble*, almost, *grumble**grumble*...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Raye: Do de do de do de do *sweep**sweep**sweep*  
Chad: Do be do be do *dust**dust**dust*  
Grandpa: Shoebe dobe do *pour**pour**pour*  
Raye: Hmmm hmm hmm hmm...  
Chad: *Whistle**whistle**whistle*  
Grandpa: (Popping his lips) pop pop pop pop...  
Raye: Dum de dum de... huh? Oh, just when my day was going so well! (Raye looks at her briefcase that has currently 3 unfinished homework assignments), well, I can fix that.  
  
*Raye tosses her briefcase out the window. *  
  
Raye: That's better... la ti da la ti da la ti da...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Amy: *Write**write**write**write**write**write*...  
Teacher: Okay class, 30 more minutes.  
Amy: (Mumbling, and looking at her exam which is 160 problems long) Great, I'm only on problem 150.  
Teacher: Yes Ms. Anderson?  
Amy: Huh?  
Teacher: You were commenting on something last I recall.  
Amy: (Blushing) Oh, uh, er, n-, oh, um, you-, uh, sorry.  
Teacher: You'd better be.  
Amy: Hmp...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lita: (Singing and cooking) I WOULD SWALLOW MY PRIDE, I WOULD TOP ON THE RINES, BUT THE LACK THERE OF WOULD LEAVE ME EMPTY INSIDE, I WOULD SWALLOW MY DOUBTS, TURN IT INSIDE OUT, FIND NOTHIN' BUT FAITH AND NOTHIN', WANT TO PUT MY TEMDER HEART IN A BLENDER, WATCH IT SPIN ROUND' TO A BEAUTIFUL ABLIVION, RONDE-VOUS THAN I'M THROUGH WITH YOU...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Knock knock*  
  
Lita: *TIE ME TO THE BEDPOOOOOOOST... huh?  
  
*Lita walks over to the door and opens it. *  
  
Lita: Yea?  
Lady: Would you mind keeping it down a tad, my child is trying to sleep.  
Lita: And you are...  
Lady: Your new next door neighbor.  
Lita: Oh, uh, sorry.  
Lady: That's fine, *sniff**sniff* say, something smells like it's burning.  
Lita: OH NO, NOT MY CHICKEN CATCHITORY!!!  
  
*Lita and races from the door to the kitchen at lightning speed, wait, that was a really bad pun. Get it, lightning speed? *  
  
Lady: Oh dear...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Mina: Well, anyway, I said to her, I said, sure but you know what they say, nothing adventured nothing sprained.  
Artemis: (Dong a double take) no no Mina! It's nothing ventured nothing gained, not nothing adventured nothing sprained.  
Mina: Oh, uh, well I meant to say that, anyway, she looked at me weird and said, whatever you dumb blonde, drop dead and stop breathing my air. And I said to her, whatever you loser, I don't want to be around you anyway, and she said, you blondes are getting worse.  
Artemis: This girl sounds like a major creep, who is she?  
Mina: Ann Treahugher.  
Artemis: Now where does that name sound familiar?  
Mina: ?  
Artemis: Now I know that I've heard that name from somewhere before... now let's see... Treahugher, Treahugher... ugh! Where have I heard that name before?  
Mina: Have you lost it?  
Artemis: (Saying silently to himself) Treahugher, Treahugher, Treahugher...  
Mina: Um...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Haruka: Hmmm...  
Michiru: (Playing her violin) dooooooooooooo, do, do, do, do, dooooooo!  
Haruka: That sounds very good Michiru.  
Michiru: (Blushing) Thanks Ruky.  
Haruka: No problem Michy.  
Michiru: (Blushing and giggling) te he he he he he.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Hotaru: ...  
Luna: ...  
Hotaru: ...  
Luna: ...  
Hotaru: ...  
Luna: ...  
Hotaru: I though that you were at your favorite trashcan.  
Luna: I was until I got bored and went wandering around until I stumbled upon your house and decided to come on in.  
Hotaru: ...  
Luna: ...  
Hotaru: ...  
Luna: How did you know?  
Hotaru: Uh, a little bird told me.  
Luna: Oh...  
Hotaru: ...  
Luna: ...  
Hotaru: ...  
Luna: I...am...so...bored...  
Hotaru: So leave.  
Luna: Why? This is heaven compared to a night in Serena's bedroom.  
Hotaru: But you spend every night in Serena's bedroom.  
Luna: My point exactly.  
Hotaru: ...  
Luna: ...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Setsuna: Do de do de do  
Book: *Flip**flip**flip*  
Setsuna: ...  
Book: ...  
Setsuna: *Scribble**scribble**scribble*  
Book: *Fli-- RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!*  
Setsuna: OH #*$%!!!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Narrator: Can it be? I seem to have left out a character in the story. I hope I don't get fired for this. Um, well Darien, who I (accidentally) left out is at home sitting on his big, fat, butt on his big, fat, leather couch  
collecting his thoughts.  
  
Darien: Who am I? Why did Queen Serenity's hair go white so prematurely? Must have been trying to keep up with Serena that did it. What is a hot dog made out of? How come Ann and Alan's last name's both Treahugher? Oh dear, I think I know why. I wonder when their wedding was. Why is Reeny's hair  
pink? Must be from either a color job or she got it from Serena's side of the family. How long has Serena had that weird hairstyle? How can Amy's blue hair be natural? Her hair must have been the result of an early drug to help her mom get pregnant. Yea, that has to be it, either that or she's a genetic accident. Cool! Why did Michiru dye her hair light sea green? Was pizza Americanized or was it Worldized? Who is the Smoking Man? I still don't know! What does Neo mean (note: Neo Queen Serenity for an example)?  
Who am I...?  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Narrator: Well, this time Queen Beryl wasn't notified about the generals last failing attempt to kill the scouts for fear of the queen of all spaz attacks. However, Ann and Alan got so mad that they went home to sulk, swear, and beat up pillows. The 4 Sisters decided to become good again, and Rubeus went to the Negamoon Hospital for his injuries. Wise Man was so peeved that he nearly strangled Bob to death. The 4 Generals were able to just barely save Bob, he is currently in critical condition at the Negamoon  
Hospital. Emerald broke a bunch of windows screaming about how mad she was at the Sailor Scouts and was thrown out of Jedite's house. Jedite, Zoicite, Malachite, and Neflite (who is finally better) are hanging out at Jedite's house talking. So that' s it for the Negaverse, so on with the story!  
  
Jedite: (Dreamily) Emerald's hot.  
Malachite: No way, it is so Ann.  
Jedite: She's married!  
Malachite: So? She's still hotter than Emerald.  
Zoicite: Ahem.  
Malachite: (Becoming as stiff as a board) oh (c)&^%.  
Zoicite: What about me? Aren't I a babe?  
Malachite: Why of course Zoi, you're the most babeolicious of them all!  
Zoicite: Thank you.  
Jedite: (Coughing) *Cou--suck up--gh*  
Malachite: (Giving Jedite his legendary ice stare) grrrrrrr...  
Jedite: Eeeeeeeee...  
Neflite: What's all the e's about?  
Zoicite: The stare.  
Neflite: Eeee, the stare. What did Jedite say?  
Zoicite: That Malachite sucks up to me.  
Neflite: Oh well, I thought Jedite had made up some sort of statement about him.  
Malachite: Hey!  
Neflite: For once in his life, Jedite is actually right.  
Malachite: (Growing madder) mmmmm... YAAG!!!  
  
*SLAM!!!*  
  
Neflite: ...  
Jedite: *Shaky breathing*  
Malachite: Anyone else?  
Jedite: Uh, be right back...  
  
*Jedite runs outside. *  
  
Jedite: AAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
*Meanwhile inside *  
  
Neflite: Did anyone just hear someone scream?  
Zoicite: No  
Malachite: That goes double for me.  
Zoicite: Why?  
Neflite: Oh nothing really, I just thought that I heard someone scream just now that's all.  
Malachite: Oh.  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Narrator: Okay then, to get on with this, the generals later worked out a delightful little plan to torture and then kill the Sailor Scouts once and for all. That is, with the help of their new "secret" weapon. Meanwhile,  
the scouts are not having a scout meeting, but rather just hanging around doing nothing at Raye's temple for no particular reason what so ever (plot hole!). Just then, Artemis runs up the stairs screaming bloody murder.  
  
Artemis: IT'S THE APOCOLYPS, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Luna: ARTEMIS CALM DOWN!!!  
Artemis: IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Lita: (Singing) and I feel fine...  
Serena: (Sarcastically) hardy har har, very funny Lita.  
Luna: Take a deep breath Artemis.  
Artemis: (Scared out of his mind shakily takes a "very" deep breath)  
uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!  
Luna: Good, now exhale.  
Artemis: (Shakily exhaling) Whoooooooooooooosh!!!  
Luna: Good, now, tell us about the apocalypse.  
Artemis: Well, I, uh, well you see, uh, the, uh, Negaverse is, uh, at it again.  
Luna: Is that all?  
Artemis: What do you mean is that all!?!?!?  
Luna: Scouts?  
Serena: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and no.  
Luna: Why the nine no's?  
Serena: I'm answering for everybody.  
Luna: Well, in that case, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.  
Serena: Smarty Cat.  
Luna: Humph.  
Amy: Well Artemis, where's the Negaverse hit this time?  
Artemis: Uh, they hit over in Pokesta Park.  
Raye: &(c)#@!  
Mina: What's wrong Raye?  
Raye: That's my favorite park! It's much more clean and Nega-free than Mayfair Park.  
Mina: I've never been there.  
Raye: Been where?  
Mina: Pokesta Park.  
Raye: Oh, you really ought to go there sometime. It's nice and peaceful there.  
Mina: I guess I'll have to go and check it out sometime then.  
Luna: Sometime? Try now!  
Haruka: Yo Luna, don't blow a gasket now!  
Michiru: Really!  
Setsuna: We'll go, don't worry.  
Hotaru: Uh, yea Luna, don't spaz out.  
Luna: Ugh.  
Lita: Well, are we going or not?  
Serena: We're not.  
Luna: (At the end of her rope) you...will...go...  
Serena: Not a chance, fur-brain.  
Luna: I'll...give...you...till...the...count...of...five...  
Serena: Then what? You'll use your spayed paws to tickle me?  
Luna: Five...  
Serena: *Yawn*  
Luna: Four...  
Serena: Dum de dum de dum...  
Luna: Three...  
Serena: *Whistle*  
Luna: Two...  
Serena: (Humming) hmm hmm hmmmmmmm...  
Luna: One...  
Serena: *Cough* *cough*  
Luna: ZERO!!! (Battle cry) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Serena: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Lita: OH MY GOD, LUNA'S KILLING SERENA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Serena:  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Luna: (Panting) My *pant* claws *pant* may *pant* be *pant* spayed... but my  
teeth are as sharp as ever *pant*!  
Serena: (Moaning) Uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...  
Haruka: LUNA YOU RETARD!!! THAT'S OUR LEADER YOU JUST ANIALATED!!!  
Luna: Your point being...  
Haruka: @#$%^&*(c))(tm)(r)*&^%$#@!(c)(tm)(r): 


	6. Sailor Dorks Part 6

Sailor Dorks Part 6   
  
Author's Notes - Hey everyone! Sorry it's taken me so long to get the next installment in. I've been extremely busy with my school newspaper (I'm the editor, scary, ne?), volleyball, and school in general. Well, I hope you have fun reading this! ^^ Visit my web site at www.geocites.com/merc1650 too if you get the chance. Thanks and enjoy!  
  
Rating: G or Y, bring on the 2 year-olds!  
  
Disclaimer: AAAAAAAAA!!!!!! I DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES OWN SAILOR MOON!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T OWN THE SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE CHARICTERS!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T OWN ANYTHING RELATED TO THE SHOW ASIDE OF SOME COOL MURCHANDISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND SOME VERY COOL MANGAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
By: Merc  
  
My Little Wise Quote That Sums Up The Whole Series: "The wise man learns from others painful experiences." -The Souls Of The Purgatory  
  
Sailor Dorks Part 6  
  
*Note: There is a national holiday for the celebration of the blooming of the Cherry Blossom Trees, something that Japan takes great pride in having.*  
*Another note: The fact about Japan being one of the toughest nations on their children is true. They rank in either second or third for the most amount of time spent in school, and that doesn't count the average 3 hours of studying and the usual cram schools that kids take. All in all, the kids spend more of their youth studying than anything else. Aren't you glad that you don't live there? *  
  
Narrator: Hello everyone and welcome once again to this wonderful addition of Sailor Dorks! This time life around Japan is usual. The scouts are out of school for the annual Cherry Blossom Festival and everyone is having a  
ball. Is it me, or do these kids get more time off than us Americans? Hmm, and they say Japan is supposed to be one of the toughest nations in the world or at least on the kids. Uh...back to business here, everyone is together at the park having a picnic, even Ms. Haruna which is weird because I thought that she couldn't stand Serena. Anywho, even Molly and Melvin are there, and having a great time. Now that we have everyone, on with the show!  
  
Melvin: WHO'S UP FOR PICKLEDED ONIONS?!?!?!?!  
Everyone: Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!  
Melvin: WHAT DO YA MEAN EEW? THESE ARE REALLY GREAT, YOU JUST NEED TO TRY SOME!!!!  
Serena: Shut up Dweebmiester.  
Haruka: (Whispering to Michiru) and I though that no one could get any nerdier than Amy!  
Michiru: (Whispering to Haruka) For sure, whose idea was it to invite the lord of the geeks here anyway?  
Molly: Mine.  
Haruka and Michiru: ?  
Molly: Better watch it, I have the worlds best hearing and the worlds worst common sense!  
Raye: Ain't that the truth.  
Amy: Ain't ain't a word because it ain't in the dictionary.  
Lita: Whatever you say, Amy.  
Serena: Oooooooooooooo! Look at all the food! (Breaking into the song, "Food Glorious Food" from the musical Oliver)  
Food glorious foooooooood,  
Hot sausage and mustard,  
While I'm in the moooooooood,  
Cold bratwurst and custard!  
Peas pudding and salveloys,  
What's next in the question?  
Me with a huge amount of food about to go into digestion!  
Raye: Shut up!  
Serena: What? Don't you think my singing abilities are first-rate?  
Raye: Absolutely not.  
Mina: And you got the words wrong.  
Serena: Since when did you know that song?  
Raye: Since she met you.  
Serena: Raaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyeeeeeeee ttttttthhhaaaaatttt wwwwwwwaaaaaaassssssss meeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnn!!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
Ms. Haruna: That's quite enough, Serena!  
Serena: (Sniffling) yes, *sniffle * Ms. Haruna.  
Ms. Haruna: Thank you.  
Hotaru: Mmmmmmm, that smells really great, Lita.  
Lita: Thanks Hotaru! It's my specialty, want a bite?  
Hotaru: Does it have any milk in it that you can taste?  
Lita: No, it's all baked in.  
Hotaru: Hit me!  
Setsuna: ...  
Amy: Hey Setsuna, how's your lunch?  
Setsuna: (Holding up her index finger as a one moment sign) *GLUP! * Very tasty!  
Amy: That's good, what are you having?  
Setsuna: Your favorite, a yellow-tailed tuna sandwich!  
Amy: ...  
Setsuna: Amy are you okay?  
Amy: Um...ya why?  
Setsuna: You're turning green.  
Amy: That's because I...hate...and...despise...yellow...tailed...tuna.  
Setsuna: Oh, oops.  
Amy: Pardon me for a moment.  
Narrator: We interrupt this scene for an update. I bet by now you're probably wondering what ever happened to Darien, Greg, and Ken. Well, for starters it is a regular workweek and so Darien is a workin' away to pay off the bills. Ken is at a picnic with his family (his loving mother wanted him to spend some time with them). Greg, the poor soul is sick and of course Amy is taking care of him. He told her to go on without him, but she made sure to remember to bring him something back. Now that that's out of the way, on with the story!  
Haruka: Want a sea cucumber, dear?  
Michiru: YUCK!!! GET THAT VILE, DISGUSTING THING AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Haruka: ?  
Michiru: I can't believe you forgot that I have trouble with sea cucumbers!  
Haruka: Oh yea...whoops.  
Michiru: Oops is right!  
Lita: Aren't those Cherry Blossom Trees so pretty?  
Mina: (Dreamily) ya...  
Lita: *Sigh *  
Mina: (Dreamily) I could just see myself with some totally hot guy one night when these trees are blooming...under the stars...and...  
Lita: Kissing?  
Mina: Yea, kissing...  
Lita: Well, dream on girl!  
Mina: Hey!  
Lita: He he...  
Mina: Why you little...!  
  
*Mina attacks Lita with a glob of rice, which misses Lita and hits Raye, who throws her tarioki at Serena thinking it was her who threw it, which started a massive food fight. *  
  
Haruka: @#$%^L!  
Michiru: AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! MY HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Lita: Mighty mighty THROW!!!!!!!!!!  
Amy: Eek!  
Serena: (Screaming like an opera singer) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Raye: MY EARS!!!!!!!!!!!  
Hotaru: HEY, WHO THREW THAT?!?!?!?  
  
*SPLAT! *  
*GLORP! *  
*STICK *  
*AAAA! *  
*THPTHP! *  
*BAM! *  
*HEY! *  
*MY DRESS! *  
*MY GLASSES! *  
*MY MAKEUP! *  
*GLOP! *  
  
Ms. Haruna: Please, everyone just clam down!  
Setsuna: EAT OKONUMIAKI TEACHER!!!!!!!  
  
*SPLAT! *  
  
Ms. Haruna: Why you...!  
  
CHAPTER 2  
  
Narrator: Well, some how, some way, Queen Beryl found out about the 4 Generals failure and went into overload. The Generals were killed (yay!) and Queen Beryl nearly killed herself too. She didn't however, and hired some new Generals to take their place. Their names: General Rubeus, General Ann (this should be interesting), General Bob, and General Birdie. Along with being hired, they had to sign a contract saying that they know the risks of failure. They also had to sign a bunch of contracts for their new life and health insurance companies. Now that we have that taken care of, on with the show!  
  
Birdie: He he he he he...we've got them now.  
Ann: Those stupid scouts are gonna pay for our past pain!  
Bob: (Really giddy, like he had one too many cappuccinos) when do we start killing?  
Rubeus: (Demented) They're gonna pay, gonna pay, gonna pay!  
Ann: So when do we start whooping some sailor butt?  
Bob: (Giddy) Killing! When?  
Birdie: Calm down sugar boy, we're working on it.  
Bob: (Giddy) on what?  
Birdie: A plan to kill those scoutz.  
Rubeus: Don't you mean scouts?  
Birdie: That's what I said, scoutz.  
Rubeus: No you're saying scoutz, not scouts.  
Ann: He's right.  
Rubeus: You have a lisp.  
Birdie: Nobody's perfect.  
Bob: You gotta get that fixed.  
Birdie: Why?  
Bob: Because an enemy with a lisp isn't really that scary.  
Birdie: So?  
Ann: We want them to be chilled to the bone when our names are said.  
Rubeus: Yea, until then we'll just have to suffer with them laughing when out names are mentioned.  
Birdie: How nice.  
Bob: You were the one that told us to apply.  
Birdie: I was?  
Bob: Well, actually it was Diamond and Alan, but you agreed.  
Birdie: Whatever Bob.  
Bob: I hate it when people say my name.  
Rubeus: Bob.  
Ann: Bob.  
Birdie: Bob.  
Bob: Shut up.  
Rubeus: ...  
Ann: ...  
Birdie: ...  
Bob: ...  
Birdie: Bob.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Narrator: With the end of the day drawing near, the girls pack up their picnic baskets and quickly head home with the exception of Amy. She quickly dropped by Greg's house to give him a couple of picnic goodies that she was  
able to save. After their quick excursions to either home or wherever, they met at Raye's temple for a very quick scout meeting before going home and going to beddy-bye. Notice how everything is quick now, guess the girls had  
one too many nutty-buddies.  
  
Serena: Is this gonna be long?  
Luna: Why?  
Serena: Because my tummy's full and I'm sleepy, that's why.  
Raye: I think someone's been hanging around Reeny too long.  
Serena: For once I think you might be right.  
Raye: I'm always right.  
Serena: You wish.  
Raye: Hey I wouldn't be talking, Odango Atama!  
Serena: Odango Ata-what?  
Raye: Odango Atama.  
Serena: What in the name of Serenity does that mean?  
Raye: You should know.  
Serena: Huh?  
Raye: It's Japanese, it means Dumpling Head.  
Serena: Why should I have known that?  
Raye: Serena, where do you live?  
Serena: Heck if I know, I speak English and I live someplace that writes with weird little pictures.  
Lita: Does the name Tokyo ring a bell?  
Serena: We live in Tokyo?  
Lita: Duh!  
Serena: Then why do we use American currency and speak American English?  
Mina: Didn't we talk about this sometime back?  
Amy: Sometimes it's best to leave odd questions unanswered.  
Haruka: Does this mean that for once in your weak, pathetic, little life you have no idea?  
Amy: I oughta slug you.  
Haruka: Take your best shot.  
Artemis: That's enough! Now, for once I'm going to be serious and say that we need to get cracking on important stuff!  
Haruka: Isn't this important?  
Artemis: No!  
Luna: Sit down before I have to hurt you!  
Haruka: (Mumbling) fine, fine, jeez, temperamental...  
Luna: Hph.  
Reeny: So?  
Hotaru: So?  
Reeny: What's the haps, why are we all here?  
Artemis: Because the Negaturds are at it again.  
Amy: They're on top of the UPS building from what I've got.  
Haruka: You mean that really, really tall building with the big UPS sign on it?  
Amy: Um, yea.  
Haruka: And to think you guys all call me dumb.  
Michiru: ...  
Hotaru: ...  
Setsuna: ...  
Haruka: Why aren't you guys saying anything.  
Reeny: Take a guess, oh smart one.  
Mina: Um...so like, are we going or what?  
Lita: I think the outies are still debating that.  
Mina: Well the outies are stupid, let's book.  
Lita: Right behind ya!  
Amy: Wait for me!  
Serena: And me!  
Raye: And me!  
  
*The four inner scouts plus Luna and Artemis bolt out the door leaving the outers sitting dumbfounded. *  
  
Michiru: Abandoned once again.  
Setsuna: Put a cork in it, Michiru.  
Michiru: !  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Narrator: After some serious screaming to wait up, all the scouts, plus outers run over to the big UPS building where the Negaverse waits impatiently for them.  
  
Ann: They're late.  
Bob: What else is new?  
Birdie: That's odd, normally they always know what we're doing and when.  
Rubeus: I'm giving them 30 more seconds to get their Sailor @L%s over here.  
One...  
Birdie: Do de do de do  
Ann: (Humming) hmmmmmm.  
Rubeus: Two...  
Bob: *Whistle *  
Rubeus: Three...  
Moon: THE SAILOR SCOUTS ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Rubeus and Bob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Ann: Babies.  
Birdie: It's about time.  
Rubeus: (Stammering) wha-, who-, how-, DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!  
Moon: Aino seigno sera fuku bishoushou senshi Sailormoon! Tsukini kawate, oshoukyo!  
Mars: I'm impressed.  
Rubeus: Uh, fer me la butsh?  
Bob: No entiendo.  
Ann: Blick blah ich darf blech!  
Birdie: I'm not even gonna try.  
Saturn: What in the name of Mike did you just say?  
Moon: I said my battle speech in Japanese. I tell you what that thing really needed some sprucing up.  
Luna: (Sarcastic) oh yea Sailor Moon, you really strike fear into every villains heart.  
Moon: Thanks!  
Pluto: So where did Zoicite, Malachite, Jedite, and Neflite go?  
Ann: Dead.  
Birdie: Gone.  
Rubeus: Expired.  
Bob: Gone bye-bye.  
Venus: Dangit! That Malachite was such a cutie!  
Jupiter: Excuse me, Neflite was so much cuter!  
Mars: (Making a buzzer sound) aaaannnnnnn! You're both wrong, its Jedite who's the cutest!  
Mercury: At least act like you're more interested in the fight than in boys for awhile, please?  
Pluto: Don't even bother, Mercury.  
Chibi-Moon: Is this what happens when you become a teenager?  
Mercury: Uh, pretty much.  
Chibi-Moon: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't wanna be a teenager! Kill me, kill me now!  
Uranus: Sorry, gotta protect your royal butt.  
Neptune: Wish we could though.  
Chibi-Moon: L&^%!  
Mercury: Now where's that Luna P.?  
Chibi-Moon: Oops...LUNA P.!!!!!!!!!!  
Rubeus: I'd be willing to take her off your hands for ya!  
Jupiter: Sorry Rubes, no can do, thanks for the offer, though.  
Rubeus: (c)(tm)#$!  
Chibi-Moon: MERCURY!!!!!!!!!!!  
Mercury: Now I know that space ship is around here somewhere...  
Rubeus: (Quickly) AA!  
Ann: So are we gonna fight or what?  
Jupiter: I'm all for fighting.  
Venus: I'm all for talking.  
Jupiter: Lazy.  
Venus: Am not.  
Jupiter: Are to.  
Venus: Am not.  
Jupiter: Are to.  
Venus: Am not.  
Jupiter: Are to.  
Pluto: Enough! You two sound just like Sailor Moon and Sailor Mars!  
Venus: So?  
Pluto: I can hardly wait to see the day you people graduate from school.  
Jupiter: WE GRADUATE!?!?!?!?  
Pluto: Uh, eventually.  
Venus: Eventually?  
Pluto: Yea.  
Venus: I take it you just said something that you weren't supposed to.  
Pluto: Yup.  
Mars: MARS FLAME SNIPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
All 4 Generals: AAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! Hot hot hot!  
Venus: VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Ann: That is the worst excuse for a power I've ever heard in my life.  
Bob: AAAAAAAAA!!! I've got makeup on!!! Help!!!  
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
All 4 Generals: I'm SHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKiiiiiINnnGGGGGGG!!!  
Neptune: You da man!  
Chibi-Moon: Don't you mean woman?  
Neptune: Butt out, Chibs.  
Chibi-Moon: Mommy!  
Moon: MOON TIARA...!!!!!!!!!!  
Neptune: All right, all right I take it back!  
Moon: Better.  
Ann: So Neptuna, are we gonna fight or what?  
Neptune: NEPTUNA?!?!?!?  
Ann: YAAG!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Neptune gets blasted into a brick wall by a beam of pink energy. *  
  
Neptune: Ouch.  
Uranus: Neptune! (Uranus runs over to a wounded Neptune) oh my darling! Poor thing...  
Neptune: (Weakly) Uranus...  
Uranus: Shhh, not another word sweetie, you just lie down now and I'll make everything okay.  
Jupiter: Hello! I don't think this is something a 9 year-old and a 16 year-old who thinks like a 9 year-old should see!  
Mercury: Oh gross.  
Saturn: I am so gonna hurl.  
Birdie: Are we gonna fight or what? We've been talking for so long that I'm starting to forget how to!  
Mercury: Complain, complain.  
Birdie: You wanna piece of me?  
Mercury: MERCURY AQUA RAPSODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*BAM! *  
  
Birdie: ...  
Bob: (Sarcastically) perfect.  
Venus: Well, well, well, if it ain't ol' Bob.  
Bob: I am so tired of this.  
Venus: Of what?  
Bob: How everyone says my name.  
Venus: Why?  
Bob: Because, don't you hate it when I say Venus instead of Venus?  
Venus: No, Bob.  
Bob: Ditz.  
Venus: Jerk.  
Bob: Pathetic.  
Venus: Pervert.  
Bob: Lizard lips!  
Venus: Peanut butter butt!  
Bob: Wart face!  
Venus: Old fart!  
Mercury: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Bob and Venus: Geek!  
Mercury: SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Bob: Brrrrrrrrrr!  
Venus: Hey I was just about to do that!  
Mercury: Freeze him?  
Venus: No, love me chain him.  
Jupiter: Okay, I have had, like, no say in this what so ever so I'm really mad. Prepare to die Negajunkies!  
Ann: I take it this isn't a good thing.  
Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDER DRAGON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! *  
  
Ann: ...  
Jupiter: He he he, roasted, toasted, and electrocuted to a crisp.  
Saturn: I hate you people. You're nothing but a worthless bunch of poopy heads! I hate you so (sticks out tongue) nya!  
Rubeus: Is that honestly the best you can do?  
Saturn: Yes.  
Rubeus: And I thought Sailor Mercury was easy.  
Mercury: Hey I resent that!  
Saturn: I can't really help it, I forgot my powers.  
Rubeus: (Trying and miserably failing at not laughing) you *kch * forgot  
*kch * your *kch * POWERS?!?!? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
Saturn: You're mean!  
Rubeus: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!! STOP, STOP, STOP!!!! YOU'RE KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA!!!!!!!!  
Saturn: You big bully!  
Jupiter: Just ignore him, if he continues, I'll beat his brain in for ya.  
Saturn: Really?  
Jupiter: Scouts honor.  
Rubeus: HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Mercury: Um okay, hey Sailor Moon, think it's about time ya killed the Negataods before they annoy us to death?  
Moon: Ho ya! This time I'm going with the slow and scary death.  
Rubeus: (Recovering from his laugh attack) You mean your *kch * halation?  
Moon: No, by scepter.  
Rubeus: In that case I had better grab a tub of jumbo-sized popcorn.  
Moon: Why?  
Rubeus: Because you take so long to activate that thing and it looks like your dancing, so I feel like I'm at a ballet or STOMP or something.  
Moon: Um, okay...MMMMMOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN SCEPTER ACTIVATIOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Rubeus: Missed us all!  
Moon: Huh? Hey, what gives?  
Rubeus: The fact that you were too stupid to realize that I grabbed everyone in the middle of your performance and left.  
Moon: Then why am I talking to you?  
Rubeus: There's a walkie-talkie behind that air-conditioner vent.  
Moon: Oh.  
Rubeus: So long suckers!  
  
*There's a crackling noise that comes from behind the air-conditioning vent and then all is silent. *  
  
Moon: Who does he think he is calling us suckers?  
Chibi-Moon: SUCKERS, WHERE?!?!?!  
Mercury: No where, Chibs.  
Chibi-Moon: Waaaaaaaaaa! I wanted a sucker!  
Everyone: Oy.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Narrator: Well, everyone went back home after their first encounter with the new generals. They're all tired from a hard days work and plan to go to bed. The next day is a Sunday, lucky them and everyone is out and about. Serena is out Darien on a lovely date, Amy is visiting Greg at his sick bed, and Raye is sweeping the porch in front of her temple. Lita and Mina are watching a movie starring their favorite comedian, Adam Sandler. Haruka and Michiru are at the park um; having a little fun shall we say? Reeny is at home causing mayhem and Hotaru to, is busy causing yet more mayhem at her home with yet the third blown fuse in a month. Setsuna is hanging out at the Time Gate for fun (when ya gotta get away, ya gotta get away), and Luna and Artemis are duking it out at Central Control. Now that everyone is cleared, on with the show!  
  
Serena: (Dreamily) oh Daaaahrrien.  
Darien: (Thinking) who am I? Why does she love me so much? How come I have to be so much older than her? What could possibly possess her to wear the same hairstyle day after day? Why do my bangs stick out so far? I think I need a haircut. Why don't I, let alone anyone else in this world have ACNE? Why can't I fall for anyone my own age? Who am I...?  
Serena: Darien?  
Darien: Huh?  
Serena: Are you, like, okay?  
Darien: Never better.  
Serena: You just spaced off there that's all.  
Darien: That's because I was too busy thinking about you, that's all sweetie.  
Serena: Oh muffin...  
Darien: (Thinking) who am I again?  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Amy: Hey there, how are you feeling?  
Greg: (Throaty) like an amoeba in the premarital soup.  
Amy: Oh poor thing. How was the food that I brought you?  
Greg: Very good, thanks for scraping some up for me.  
Amy: No problem.  
Greg: After a while chicken noodle soup starts to taste like chalk.  
Amy: I know the feeling.  
Greg: I'd kiss you, but I'm afraid that I'd give you my germs.  
Amy: (Giggling) that's okay. Maybe some other time.  
Greg: Yea.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Raye: *Sweep **sweep **sweep *, there, finally finished.  
Reeny: WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!  
Raye: AAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BEAUTIFLY SWEPT FLOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Reeny: Huh?  
Raye: YOU LITTLE BRAT, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA CLOMPING AROUND HERE IN YOUR GRIMY, DISGUSTING, MUDDY, DIRTY, DOG-DOO'D, BUG-GUTTY, GUM-STICKY, LITTLE SHOES?!?!?!?!?!?  
Reeny: Um, I was bored of causing pure mayhem at home?  
Raye: WHY?!?!?!?!  
Reeny: Because everyone there is used to it and they don't care?  
Raye: GET LOST YA LITTLE BRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Reeny: Can't make me! Remember, I the heir to the Earth throne!  
Raye: I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE THE HEIR TO THE UNIVERSAL THRONE, GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Reeny: Meanie!  
Raye: @#$%^&L*J#@$(tm)(c)^*(r)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Reeny: AMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Raye: (Trying very hard to surpress her anger) mmmmmmm...  
Reeny: Wow I've never seen anyone turn that shade of red before.  
Raye: Get...out...or...else...  
Reeny: Fine, fine, fine, I'm going, I'm going, sheesh what a grouch!  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Lita: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
Mina: He he he he he!  
Lita: (Trying to stop laughing) *kch * that was *kch * hilarious!  
Mina: (Laughing uncontrollably)  
yeayeaandwhatabouthepartwhereRobbyfindsoutthatJulia'slastnamewillbeGulia?  
Lita: I didn't understand a word you just said.  
Mina: WhatdoyameanLita?  
Lita: Put spaces between your words!  
Mina: Um, um, okay.  
Lita: Better, now, what were you just saying?  
Mina: I said *insert deep breath here * yea, yea, and what about the part where Robby finds out that Julia's last name will be Gulia?  
Lita: Oh, yea that was a hoot!  
Mina: *Kch **kch * HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Lita: Breathe Mina.  
Mina: (Taking a deep breath) uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  
Lita: Good.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Haruka: Michiru...  
Michiru: Haruka...  
Haruka: Michiru...  
Michiru: Haruka...  
Haruka: Oh my darling, I can't take it any longer!  
Michiru: Neither can I!  
Haruka: Let's go!  
Michiru: I don't think I can hold it much longer!  
Haruka: There it is!  
Michiru: I get dibs on the first open stall!  
Haruka: Oh no you don't, I've been holding it in for an hour!  
Michiru: Aaaaaaaaa! I think I'm gonna pee in my pants!  
Haruka: Made it!  
  
*Two bathroom stall doors slam shut. *  
  
Haruka: Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh!  
Michiru: This is bliss...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Prof. Tomoe: NOT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Hotaru: Whoops.  
Prof. Tomoe: HOTARU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Hotaru: I am so dead...  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Setsuna: I loved relaxing to the sound of a clock ticking.  
Clock: *Tick **tick **tick *  
Setsuna: Hmmm...  
Clock: *Tick **tick **tick *  
Setsuna: ...  
Clock: *Tick **tick **tick *  
Setsuna: Okay that's enough of listening to the clock.  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Luna: No way tuna-breath!  
Artemis: Yes way fish-face!  
Luna: No way pickle-brain!  
Artemis: Yes way fur-tushie!  
Luna: There is no way on the face of this Earth that any of the Sailor Scouts would turn on us at any time!  
Artemis: What about Uranus and Neptune? They are mighty suspicious to me!  
Luna: Why?  
Artemis: Because! I mean, aren't they, like, hopelessly in love with each other and would turn on us if it meant being together forever, and even if it were in heck?  
Luna: No!  
Artemis: Yes!  
Luna: No!  
Artemis: Yes!  
  
Narrator: Um, okay so that's the end of this part! The world is once again safe from the forces of evil thanks to the Sailor Scouts!  
  
The End?  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
So, do you guys like it, hate it, or indifferent to it? Tell me! I'm totally into reviews. E-mails, IM's, and hits on my site at www.geocities.com/merc1650 are always welcome. Thanks for reading this edition of Sailor Dorks! 


	7. Sailor Dorks Part 7

Authors Notes: These things take forever because I have to update the content on them (these were written 3 years ago), so that's why I hesitate on posting them. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this installment. This one I originally had difficulty with, so in part 8 you might notice some jokes about this part. Anywho, enjoy!  
  
Shameless Plug: Visit my site! www.geocities.com/merc1650!  
  
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Sailor Moon. Nope, no, nada, nunca, neener, *buzzer sound *, uh-uh, iie, no, double no, triple no, etc. If I see one lawyer aimed at me you're dead. I do not own her or the scouts (for the  
  
last time), or the infamous Tuxedo Mask who needs help, or the evil people in all my parts, so on, so on, so on.  
  
Rating: G or Y, G as in Good, Y as in Yay! Or you can stick to the boring TV and movie ratings.  
  
By: Merc  
  
  
  
1 Sailor Dorks Part 7  
  
  
  
*Note: I've scavenging the Thesaurus for some really cool words. If you really want to know what Bob's saying, look it up. As for the rest of the group, here's what they say translates out to be:  
  
Fer me la busht - French: Shut your mouth  
  
Que? No entiendo, hable espanol mucho? - Spanish: What? I don't understand, speak English much?  
  
Bulgarshki-izik - Bulgarian: Bulgarian (if you think I accidentally typed Bulgarian twice, I didn't, it literally means Bulgarian in Bulgarian). *  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::  
  
Narrator: Hi, it's me again! Welcome to yet another exciting adventure in Sailor Dorks! Well, okay to be honest its not that exciting, just more dull, boring, conversive story. Anyway, Serena is at the store buying  
  
groceries for her mom and Reeny is accompanying her (gee, wonder why). Raye is taking her shift at the great fire, and Amy is at cram school with Greg (I swear those two are joined at the hip). Lita is hanging out at the mall, and Mina is at the arcade (have you noticed that no one's been there in awhile?). Setsuna is moaning and complain about her lonely job, Michiru and Haruka are sitting by the pool tanning and flirting, and Hotaru is doing homework to the light of her 50 lamps (is that smoke I see coming from the  
  
electrical sockets?). Darien is meandering around thinking (is that smoke I see coming from his ears?). Luna and Artemis are on a date (I'm surprised that Artemis can forgive Luna after all that she's done to him) Alrighty- tidy then, on with the show!  
  
Serena: (Pondering) milk, bread, eggs, 20 razor refills, travel sewing kit  
  
for accidents in battle, shampoo, animal crackers…animal crackers?  
  
Reeny: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Serena: (Grabbing Reeny by the skirt) Hamburger Helper, cheese, oranges, carrots…carrots, yuck!  
  
Reeny: LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Serena: Light bulbs, sugar, rice…rice…more rice…Sushi Helper, shaving cream for dad, oranges…  
  
Reeny: (Struggling to get away from Serena's grasp. Think of those cute little pinwheel running legs that cartoon characters of all countries do when they're trying to get away or run very fast) *ack **eck * LET… GO… OF…ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Serena: Conditioner, soap, fucia stay-on lipstick *he he *, beef, Okonumiaki Helper, fruits, vegetables, strawberry flavored spy rings… wait a minute- I think he meant strawberry flavored ice cream. Let me change that…  
  
Reeny: *EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! * Oh what's the use?  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Raye: (Chanting) oh great fire, tell me something interesting…  
  
Chad: HEY RAYE ARE YOU GONNA BE IN THERE ALL DAY?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Raye: AAAAA!!!!!!!!!! MY CONCENTRATION!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chad: Oops.  
  
Raye: (Really p.o.'d) @#$%^&*L…!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Just then Raye's communicator beeps. Raye flips it open to see who it is.*  
  
Amy: Raye…  
  
Raye: You really creep me out (she closes her communicator). Now where were we…?  
  
Chad: *Gulp *  
  
Raye: He he he…  
  
Chad: AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
  
*BAM!!! *  
  
Chad: (Moaning) uhhh…  
  
Raye: (Smirking) he he he he, let's see you break my concentration now…  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Amy: …  
  
Greg: …  
  
Amy: …  
  
Greg: …  
  
Amy: …  
  
Greg: …  
  
Professor: Okay, time to turn in the exams.  
  
Amy: *Sigh *  
  
Greg: *Groan *  
  
Amy: Ugh, I hate tests.  
  
Greg: Ditto.  
  
Kid: I thought you two lived for homework and tests.  
  
Greg and Amy: Quiet, you.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Lita: Dum de do do dum de do do..  
  
Store Clerk: You gonna buy that or what?  
  
Lita: Huh?  
  
Store Clerk: You heard me, are you going to buy that or not?  
  
Lita: I don't know, I'm thinking of leaving right now yeah rude and selfish, no good, baddy-baddy, inconspicuous, incapable, deputan!  
  
Store Clerk: Pardon?  
  
Lita: FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE GET OUTTA MY FACE BEFORE I CALL SECURITY FOR  
  
HARASSMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Store Clerk: (In a small voice) eek, yes ma'am.  
  
Lita: Thank you.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Mina: (Staring at Andrew) good gosh golly Miss Molly.  
  
Video Game: BAM!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mina: AAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS KILLED BY A GIANT COCKROACH?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Andrew: Playing Sailor V again Mina?  
  
Mina: L*&^%$#@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1  
  
Andrew: Um, Mina, he he, there are children present.  
  
Mina: I WAS KILLED BY A #@%^ & BUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Andrew: Um, I'm sorry to break this to you Mina, but Sailor V doesn't exist.  
  
Mina: EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Andrew: I know this may come as a shock to you and all but…  
  
Mina: Wait a sec here, no one believes in me?  
  
Andrew: ?  
  
Mina: How come no one believes in me? No fair, I'm the one who ends up saving the world's patuski every month!  
  
Andrew: Is there any special medication that I should know about here?  
  
Mina: No, why?  
  
Andrew: Just asking!  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Setsuna: My job is so lonely.  
  
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: Why?  
  
Setsuna: I sit on my lazy butt day after day after day staring at this door waiting for someone to pop up so that I can clobber them with my humungous key.  
  
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: You have a huge lunge capacity to say all that without taking a breath.  
  
Setsuna: Comes with being resurrected 3 times.  
  
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: You were resurrected 3 times?  
  
Setsuna: Yeah, I'm thinking that next time I'll be resurrected at a worm or something.  
  
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: That's rough.  
  
Setsuna: Yeah, I've been sitting on my butt for over 1,000 years and only now do I get to have some action in life.  
  
Some Dog Who Somehow Flew Through The Door: I feel for ya girl, well listen, I somehow ended up here through some sort of swirly, portal-type thingy. I have to go back to the future now if you don't mind.  
  
Setsuna: Not at all, nice talking to ya!  
  
Some Dog Who's About To Go Back Through The Door: No problem, catch ya later!  
  
Setsuna: Bad pun.  
  
Some Dog Who's Flown Through The Door: He he…  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
*SPLASH! *  
  
Haruka: Having fun my little mermaid?  
  
Michiru: Tons, you my golden honey?  
  
Haruka: Never better, though I think I'm getting burned.  
  
Michiru: Does it hurt?  
  
Haruka: A little.  
  
Michiru: Want me to kiss it for you?  
  
Haruka: (Uncomfortable) um, he, he, no thanks sweet pea.  
  
Michiru: Why not?  
  
Haruka: (Through her clenched teeth) because…  
  
Michiru: Because why?  
  
Haruka: Just…because.  
  
Michiru: (Finally getting it and turning very red) oh, um, oops, I, uh, er, uh, he he…  
  
*SPLASH! *  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Hotaru: (Concentrating) three times five times two divided by one time zero is… oh what is it?  
  
Prof. Tomoe: Having trouble honey?  
  
Hotaru: Yea, I can't find out what three times two divided by one times zero equals.  
  
Prof. Tomoe: Just look at the last number.  
  
Hotaru: Why?  
  
Prof. Tomoe: Because that's the answer.  
  
Hotaru: I don't get it.  
  
Prof. Tomoe: Anything times zero equals zero.  
  
Hotaru: Yeah, well this is a bunch of stuff times zero.  
  
Prof. Tomoe: It's the same no matter how many things you take times or divided by.  
  
Hotaru: I still don't get it.  
  
Prof. Tomoe: How many of your lamps times zero does it equal?  
  
Hotaru: Um…zero?  
  
Prof. Tomoe: Good, now do the same thing for that math problem!  
  
Hotaru: ?  
  
Prof. Tomoe: Convert all those numbers to lamps. Three lamps times two lamps divided by one lamp times zero lamps.  
  
Hotaru: I get it now! The answer is zero!  
  
Prof. Tomoe: Oy…  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Darien: Who am I? How come my roses can stop all those powers of the Negaforce? Does Serena ever change her hair? Where in the name of karma did Chibi-Chibi come from? If I decided that I wanted to date around, would that change the future and get rid of Reeny? That would be one mistake that Setsuna wouldn't forgive me for. What ever happened to that scepter of hers after she got the Moon Spiral Heart Attack? I could have sworn I saw something that looked like it in her trash can. How come people never see the scouts for who they are right away? I mean, is everyone in Tokyo stupid or something? It's so obvious that Serena's Sailor Moon and Amy's Sailor Mercury. There are two no brainers for them. Oh well, go figure. Who am I…?  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Luna: …  
  
Artemis: …  
  
Luna: …  
  
Artemis: …  
  
Luna: …  
  
Artemis: …  
  
Little Girl: Aww, look at the cute kitties kissing Mommy.  
  
Artemis and Luna: …asyfdhoikwqlkjfnw?  
  
Little Girl: (Innocently) He he…  
  
Luna: (Blushing) maybe we should relocate.  
  
Artemis: I'm right behind you.  
  
*Luna and Artemis get up and walk away, leaving the little girl to giggle and continue to call her mother. *  
  
Luna: Now I know how Amy feels.  
  
Artemis: Now I know how Greg feels.  
  
Luna: …  
  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
  
  
Narrator: Well, the Negaverse was busy today! After fleeing Jedite's house in the same attempt as the earlier 4 generals did, they hide in Neflite's old home where the stars rule everything. Ann is staring at the stars mesmerized, Alan is sleeping, Emerald is being bored, and Bob is complaining about nothing in particular.  
  
Ann: (Drool running down the side of her mouth) so pretty…  
  
Alan: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!  
  
Emerald: *Sigh *  
  
Bob: Life stinks! Queen Beryl is so mean! I hate those Sailor Scouts even if they're all hotties! Why is my hair blue? Why isn't it black or brown or prematurely gray or something else normal? Why am I so moody? I hate Emerald's laugh! I hate Diamond! I hate Wise Man! Down with the Negamoon! I can't understand a word Tuxedo Mask says! I hate his cape too! I hate everything associated with the Sailor Scouts! I hate typos! I hate computers! I hate Leonardo DiCaprio!  
  
Emerald: WOULD YOU SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bob: No!  
  
Ann: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bob: Why should I?  
  
Alan: Because if you don't I'll turn you into mincemeat!  
  
Bob: You apprehensible jaunic little pig!  
  
Alan: Um, fer me la busht?  
  
Ann: Que? No entiendo, habla ingles mucho?  
  
Emerald: Bulgershki-izik?  
  
Alan: I opine personage has been scavenging the Thesaurus way too much.  
  
Bob: Yup.  
  
Ann: Since when did you become so literate?  
  
Alan: You oughta read the English Thesaurus quondam. There's some really cool words in it.  
  
Ann: I'll eat a live cow first.  
  
Emerald: Um, don't you think we should be planning some sort of easily escapable scheme to entrap the scouts into?  
  
Ann: Um…  
  
Alan: Well…  
  
Bob: (Bluntly) yup.  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
  
  
Narrator: The scouts are all gathered at Lita's apartment for the scout meeting this time around. Apparently Raye's grandfather got kinda upset about her having so many friends at the temple at once. Everyone is  
  
centered around the table where Lita happened to put a ton of food that she just happened to make right before everyone came. The only person, or should I say cat, missing is Artemis.  
  
Mina: Where's Artemis?  
  
Serena: (With her mouth full) mphmphmphmphmphmphmphmphmp.  
  
Lita: Like I'd know.  
  
Haruka: Wasn't my turn to watch that fleabag.  
  
Michiru: Maybe a dog ate him.  
  
Hotaru: Haven't a clue.  
  
Setsuna: My job is to watch the Time Gate, not Artemis.  
  
Reeny: Artemis is missing?  
  
*Everyone looks at Amy. *  
  
Amy: Don't look at me!  
  
*Everyone looks at Raye. *  
  
Raye: I track the Negaverse, not that four-legged puffball.  
  
Luna: (Getting really agitated) he's checking out a spot where we think the Negaverse might be!  
  
Serena: *GULP! * Oh, so that's where he is.  
  
Mina: Will he get hurt?  
  
Luna: Probably.  
  
Mina: Pretty soon I'm gonna make you guys lease him as a guardian cat.  
  
Amy: Why?  
  
Mina: Because that feline slams about $100 outta my pocket a month!  
  
Haruka: Thank god we don't own a cat.  
  
Michiru: Haruka, I wanna kitty!  
  
Haruka: (Turns pale) um…maybe later.  
  
*Suddenly, Artemis bursts through the door. *  
  
Artemis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!  
  
Haruka: Wow, that cat has lungs.  
  
Lita: My neighbors are gonna be so mad.  
  
Raye: A new record! He was able to go 40 Nagasaki without passing out!  
  
Amy: Wow…  
  
Artemis: HOLY TITANIC WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S ARMAGEDDON,  
  
IT'S THE APOCOLYPSE, and Its, Its, IT'S…  
  
Luna: The Negaverse?  
  
Artemis: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mina: Calm down Artemis it's nothing to freak out over.  
  
Artemis: NOTHING TO FREAK OUT OVER?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?  
  
*Artemis the faints from shock. *  
  
Mina: One of these days…  
  
Reeny: Is he going to be okay?  
  
Luna: That dolt's worse than Serena.  
  
Serena: Hey I resent that!  
  
Luna: What's this?  
  
*Plucks an envelope from Artemis's invisible flea collar. *  
  
The letter reads:  
  
Salor scots,  
  
i am emerald from the negaverse give up now or else. we want a Battle at the supr market on ricee stret so be their if yu dare. We will, kill you and you will be dead so like if yeah wanna com or somthing than be there at 800 sharp or else bwa ha ha ha ha.  
  
Amy: She has the worst grammar and spelling of anyone that I've ever seen.  
  
Luna: Screw the grammar and spelling, do you know what this means?!?!?!  
  
Mina: The Negamoon must have been really desperate for a few good men.  
  
Lita: Or a few good women.  
  
Luna: What time is it?  
  
Amy: 7:45  
  
Luna: a.m. or p.m.?  
  
Amy: (In a duh like voice) p.m.  
  
Luna: P.M.!!!!!!!!! Hurry scouts! We don't have much time!  
  
Serena: Whoa Luna, take a chill-pill.  
  
Setsuna: Find your center.  
  
Hotaru: Um, like, don't have a cow.  
  
*Later after the scouts just barely make it to the tower with 1 minute to spare. *  
  
Ann: Wow, you scouts really cut it close.  
  
Moon: (Panting) I *pant * am *pant * Sailor *pant * Moon *pant * *GASP! *  
  
Ann: Are you okay?  
  
Moon: CRAMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mars: I warned you not to sprint all the way but would you listen, nooooooooooooooooooo.  
  
Moon: Shut up Mars before I hit you over the head with my scepter.  
  
Ann: Come on guys, let's get this over with and go celebrate!  
  
Bob: Sounds good to me. YAAG!!!  
  
*Bob starts to fire energy beams at the scouts when a rose penetrates the beams. *  
  
Bob: WHAT THE…?  
  
Tuxedo Mask: (Perched on top of a building) I am Tuxedo Mask!  
  
Bob: WHO?!?!?!?!  
  
Moon: TUXEDO MASK, YOU SAVED ME!!!  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, the flower that doesn't bloom is nothing but a withered heart.  
  
Mercury: Huh?  
  
Uranus: Um, hola amigo. Yo quiero Taco Bell!  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Scouts, do not pop a balloon before it is blown up.  
  
Neptune: What are these wacko sayings?  
  
Jupiter: Bonjour messure! Como sa va? Sa va bien!  
  
Tuxedo Mask: No! What I am trying to say is this; the tree with no leaves is like a pastry without frosting.  
  
Neptune: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SPEAK ENGLISH!!!  
  
Chibi-Moon: FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE SPEAK JAPANESE!!!  
  
Mars: OH FOR THE LOVE OF FIRE SPEAK WHATEVER LANGUAGE WE SPEAK!!!  
  
Emerald: You do realize that you make no sense what so ever.  
  
Tuxedo Mask: …  
  
Ann: Um… yeah, anyway, uh, KILL EM' ALL!!!  
  
Alan: YAY!!!  
  
Ann: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Alan: Um… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
*Ann and Alan both throw huge balls of energy at the scouts. *  
  
Tuxedo Mask: (In a superhero type voice) egad! They're going to kill the scouts!  
  
Emerald: Your point?  
  
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Um… (War cry) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
*Tuxedo Mask starts to throw roses at a rapid pace, think machine gun on this one. *  
  
Bob: Holy *censored* he's a walking rose throwing machine gun!  
  
Emerald: Holy cow that boy can throw!  
  
Ann and Alan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Everyone: (Weak and stupefied) uhhhhhhhhhhh…  
  
Ann: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Bob: What?  
  
Ann: I GOT A CUT!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!!  
  
Alan: And to think I married her.  
  
Ann: Watch it or you'll become a bachelor once more!  
  
Alan: Gak! Um, (speaking at lighting speed)  
  
herehoneyletmekissthatcutofyoursandthenI'llmakesurethatit'sbandagedproperlya ndandand…  
  
Bob: Breathe Alan.  
  
Alan: uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh!  
  
Bob: Thank you.  
  
Jupiter: All right you Nageturds! That was, like, totally painful so get ready to say hello to the big man below!  
  
Emerald: That's not good.  
  
Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDER CRASH!!!  
  
*Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *  
  
All 4 Generals: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Uranus: Hey that looked like fun. Let me in! WORLD SHAKING!!!  
  
Neptune: Wait for me! DEEP SUBMERGE!!!  
  
Saturn: You poopy heads are so mean that I remembered one of my powers!  
  
Ann: @#$%^&*(!  
  
Saturn: SILENCE GLAIVE APPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bob: What the #$%^ is a glaive?  
  
Ann: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!  
  
Alan: Ouch.  
  
Emerald: OOOOOOWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
Bob: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!!!  
  
Emerald: I'm okay!  
  
Bob: Oh the pain…  
  
Alan: Shut up you.  
  
Ann: Am I alive?  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Don't forget scouts, the flower that dies is not watered with Miracle Grow.  
  
Saturn: (Sarcastically) whatever you say!  
  
Chibi-Moon: Are you sure he's my father?  
  
Moon: Um…  
  
Emerald: (Struggling to get up) you… scouts, can't defeat us… we're…too strong.  
  
Mars: WRONG!!! MARS CELESTIAL FIRE SURROUND!!!  
  
All 4 Generals: AAAAAAAAA!!! Hot hot hot!  
  
Venus: All right my turn! VENUS LOVE AND BEAUTY SHOCK!!!  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Well, seeing as how I have nothing better to do… TUXEDO A LA SMOKING BOMBER!!!  
  
Everyone: TUXEDO A LA SMOKING BOMBER?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Luna: I will not laugh, I will not laugh, I will not laugh…hahahahhahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahah ahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha!!!  
  
Artemis: (Trying miserably not to laugh) is that *kich * even a *kich * power?!?!?  
  
Moon: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! !  
  
Mercury: Oh, how embarrassing.  
  
Chibi-Moon: I met him at the Quickie-Mart. I do not know this man.  
  
Mars: And to think once I was attracted to him.  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Well, my work here is done, keep up the good work scouts!  
  
*Tuxedo Mask jumps off the building like he does in every episode. Then everyone hears a really long scream that seems to fade out. *  
  
Mercury: I think someone needs to go back to Physics class.  
  
Uranus: That has to hurt.  
  
*BAM!!! *  
  
Bob: WOOHOO!!! No more stupid poetry from that dude!  
  
Emerald: Shut up blue boy, we still have the other 8 scouts to take care of.  
  
Alan: Don't you mean 9 scouts?  
  
Emerald: No, I only counted 8.  
  
Bob: Wasn't there some hot chick named Sailor Plato or Plutonium or Platinum or something like that here?  
  
Chibi-Moon: Hey, where did Sailor Pluto go?  
  
Neptune: Last I saw she was headed towards the hot dog stand down the street.  
  
*As if on cue Sailor Pluto comes walking back towards the group with a napkin and a one foot hot dog in her hands. *  
  
Moon: And where were you…?  
  
Pluto: (With her mouth full) mphmphmphmphmph.  
  
Moon: ?  
  
Mercury: She's saying something about how she got left out of the conversation and fight, so she went out for a quick bite to eat.  
  
Pluto: Mph!  
  
Moon: Wow Mercury, how did you know what she was saying?  
  
Mercury: I'm fluent in Serena-ese.  
  
Mars: *Giggling *, hmhmhmhhmhm…  
  
Moon: Shut up Mars.  
  
Mars: Pthpthpthpthpth!  
  
Moon: Pthpthpthpthpthpthpthptpth!  
  
Mercury: Ugh, I'm getting soaked again!  
  
Ann: I'm getting so bored!  
  
Emerald: Me too.  
  
Moon: Pthpth… you two, bored? Here, I'll make things a little more interesting. Hehehehe…  
  
Ann: Uh-oh.  
  
Moon: Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss!  
  
All 4 Generals: Uh… AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*insert deep breath here* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*SLAM!!! *  
  
Moon: (In a triumphant voice) Hehehehehehe!  
  
Some Weird Echo Voice: Ha! You think you've won? Well you're wrong! We'll be back sailor pimps! Don't think you've seen the last of us…  
  
Moon: OH @#$%^&*:P=-(#^%(&@$?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chibi-Moon: AMY!!!  
  
Mercury: Sailor Moon…  
  
Moon: Oh shove it Mercury!  
  
Mercury: Watch it, I could overthrow you as leader so fast it would make your head spin!  
  
Moon: Go suck on a tic-tack!  
  
Mercury: One, two, three…  
  
Neptune: Better apologize, she really means business.  
  
Uranus: I'll second that.  
  
Moon: You second everything she says.  
  
Uranus: Yeah, but this time I speak from experience, not emotions.  
  
Moon: (Getting nervous) umm… sorry?  
  
Mercury: Better.  
  
Jupiter: That's a way Mercury!  
  
Moon: Watch it Jupiter! I'm still the leader, so you had better cheer me on!  
  
Jupiter: …  
  
Venus: Whatever Sailor Moon.  
  
Pluto: Your power has corrupted you.  
  
Saturn: What does corrupted mean?  
  
Chibi-Moon: Yeah, what does, cor-up-pted mean?  
  
Luna: We'll explain later.  
  
Moon: Why me?  
  
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
  
Narrator: Okay, so the scouts half won half lost again like in all the other episodes of this stupid story. Anywho, they all decided, hey, ya' can't win em' all (in other words, so much for dusting the generals).  
  
Everyone went home and the next day went back to school. Serena is now currently in detention, Raye's selling charms at the temple, with Chad, and Amy's at cram school (not with Greg!). Lita's at home cooking, Mina's at home knitting, and Michiru and Haruka are doing homework. Hotaru's running  
  
away from everyone who wants to kidnap her and posses her with someone not very nice, and Setsuna's busy playing with Reeny via that annoying, little floating-everywhere Luna Sphere of hers, and Luna and Artemis are out ransacking any seafood restaurant in town.  
  
Serena: …  
  
Ms. Haruna: *Sigh *  
  
Serena: …  
  
Ms. Haruna: Do de do de do  
  
Some Other Girl: *Write **write **write*  
  
Serena: Ugh.  
  
Ms. Haruna: WHAT WAS THAT SERENA?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Serena: Gak! Nothing Ms. H!  
  
Some Other Girl: Whoa.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Amy: …  
  
Teacher: So if you take the square root and multiply it by 98,765, then  
  
divide it by 3, then add it by 234, then subtract it by pi., then multiply  
  
it by 7, then you get N.  
  
Class: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…  
  
Amy: *Scribble **scribble *  
  
Teacher: CLASS!!!  
  
Class: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Amy: Hmm?  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Raye: That'll be 10 dollars.  
  
Girl: I only have 5.  
  
Raye: Katie, I know you have more.  
  
Katie: Um, no I don't.  
  
Raye: Cough it up!  
  
Katie: Fine, fine, fine, here.  
  
Raye: Thank you, please come again!  
  
Katie: Hmp.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Lita: (Singing) UPSIDE, INSIDE OUT, SHE'S LIVING THE VIDA LOCA!!!!!!!!!  
  
SHE'LL PUSH AND PULL YOU DOWN, LIVING THE VIDA LOCA!!!!!!!!!!! HER LIPS ARE  
  
DEVIL RED AND HER SKIN'S THE COLOR OF MOCHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE WILL WEAR YOU  
  
OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LIVING THE VIDA LOCA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Someone knocks on the door. *  
  
Lita: WOKE UP, IN NEW YORK CITY, IN A FUNKY CHEEP HOTEL… huh?  
  
*Knock knock. Lita walks over to the door and opens it up. *  
  
Lita: Hello.  
  
Lady: Hi, remember me?  
  
Lita: No.  
  
Lady: I'm your next door neighbor. You know, the one with the baby.  
  
Lita: Oh yeah, I remember you!  
  
Lady: Listen, my kid's asleep and again your singing is waking her up, so could you KEEP IT DOWN?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!  
  
Lita: Sure.  
  
Lady: Thank you.  
  
*The lady then walks off and Lita shuts the door. *  
  
Lita: Jeez, what a grump!  
  
*She then smells smoke. *  
  
Lita: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! NOT THE TURKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Mina: Hmm, hmm, hmm…  
  
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…  
  
Mina: Ransacking seafood restaurants must be tiresome.  
  
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…  
  
Mina: …  
  
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…  
  
Mina: …  
  
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…  
  
Mina: …  
  
Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…  
  
Mina: OOOOOUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Artemis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IN THE  
  
@#$^#%&$*?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? MINA WHAT IS IT?!?!?!?!?!!?  
  
Mina: (Whimpering) I stuck myself.  
  
Artemis: YOU SCREAM BLOODY MURDER BECAUSE YOU STUCK YOURSELF?!?!?!??!?!?!?!  
  
Mina: M-hm.  
  
Artemis: OY!!! I'm going back to sleep. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…  
  
Mina: Meanie.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Haruka: …  
  
Michiru: …  
  
Haruka: …  
  
Michiru: …  
  
Haruka: …  
  
Michiru: …  
  
Haruka: UGH!!!  
  
Michiru: What is it Haruky?  
  
Haruka: Well Michy, quite frankly I'm stuck.  
  
Michiru: Where?  
  
Haruka: Problem #7.  
  
Michiru: Let's see then (pondering) well, it looks like all you have to do is take 37 kilometers, multiply it by 3, then take 72 kilometers and multiply it by 2. Then you take the two answers, divide them by 2, and then multiply them by 8, then subtract them by pi. to get the answer.  
  
Haruka: ?  
  
Michiru: (Sighing) take 37 kilometers per hour and multiply them by 3 race cars, then take 72 kilometers per hour and multiply them by 2 race cars. Then you take both of those racing kiloages on the cars and divide them by 2 dollars, multiply them by 8 more race cars, and then subtract 3.1415927 kilometers of track from them to get the answer.  
  
Haruka: Oh, I get it now!  
  
Michiru: Oy…  
  
Haruka: (In a Billy Madison voice) I AM THE SMARTEST PERSON ALIVE!!!!!!!!  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Hotaru: You…can't…catch…me…!  
  
Somebody From The Negaverse: Yes I can!  
  
Hotaru: Go away you stupid bugger!  
  
Somebody From The Negaverse: I AM NOT A STUPID BUGGER YOU LITTLE RUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Hotaru: Stay back! I have a Glaive!  
  
Somebody From The Negaverse: What in the name of Beryl is a Glaive?  
  
Hotaru: I HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Somebody From The Negaverse: Whatever. What are you gonna do, that stupid Silence Glaive Apply? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
*BAM!!! *  
  
Hotaru: Who said that I was going to blast you with this thing? It's cool just as a giant hitting stick!  
  
Somebody From The Negaverse: Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Setsuna: ReEeEeEeNnNnNnYyYyYyYy SsSsSsTtTtTOoOoOPpPpPpPpP!!!!!!!!  
  
Reeny: Bouncy ball, bouncy ball!  
  
Setsuna: IiIiIiIiI'MmMm GgGgGgEeEeEeTtTtIiIiIiIiIiIiNnNnNnNGgGgGgGg  
  
DdDdDdIiIiIiIiZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzYyYyYyY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Reeny: (Stops bouncing Luna P.) what did you say?  
  
Setsuna: I think I'm gonna barf.  
  
Reeny: NOT ON ME YOUR NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Setsuna: Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh…  
  
Reeny: Uh-oh.  
  
Setsuna: *Insert barfing noises *  
  
Reeny: YYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKK!!!  
  
Setsuna: *More barfing noises *  
  
Reeny: Ick.  
  
Setsuna: (Moaning) uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh, ick and yuck yourself.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Luna: What a jerk, ditching me like that. I was having so much fun ransacking seafood restaurants!  
  
Tree: …  
  
Luna: …  
  
Tree: …  
  
Luna: …  
  
Tree: …  
  
Luna: …  
  
Tree: …  
  
Luna: One of these days that cat's gonna get it.  
  
Tree: …  
  
Luna: Much help you were.  
  
Tree: …  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Narrator: Darien is still in bed trying to figure out the secret of life. Darien: Who am I? What is the secret of life? Why am I the only boy scout? Where's my poetry book? I need some more good lines. Why wasn't I killed in that fall? How old am I? Where's my school? Did I ever win the Power Ball? What can I get for 3 bucks? Why am I wondering about that? Why do people say that MUD spelled backwards is DUMB? DUMB spelled backwards is BMUD, not MUD. Who am I…?  
  
Narrator: Well, all is good in the world of the universe. All except for Darien, all the scouts have battled battle after battle without loosing their sanity. Stay tuned to the next (horribly written) episode of Sailor  
  
Dorks! Buh-bye now! Ja ne to all!  
  
  
  
The End?  
  
  
  
So, did you guys like it? Hate it? Tell me! I'm totally into reviews. LOL, oh, and if you're reading this, I had Prom on Saturday! I'll be scanning in the picture on Monday when I get it (I got my very first slow dance ever at Prom ^^), so be on the lookout for the link at my site at www.geocities.com/merc1650! Till next time all you guys and gals! 


	8. Sailor Dorks Part 8

Authors Notes: Sorry it's taken me so long to get the next part up. I've been really busy trying to finish out the school year, not to mention going to a gazillion graduation parties. My Internet has also been down for about 3 weeks also and we just got the new modem. *kicks her modem*.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon. It is the property of DIC and Naoko Takeuchi (or however you spell her name). All rights reserved (and ditto for lunch reservations). Blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda, etc., etc. etc., so on and so on and so on, you get my drift.  
  
Rated: G or Y  
  
By: Merc  
  
Sailor Dorks Part 8  
  
Narrator: Hi everyone and welcome to another exciting issue of Sailor Dorks! Well, today it's Sunday, and as everyone knows, there's no school anywhere in the world on Sunday (yay)! Anywho, to get down to business here, Serena and Raye are hanging out at the temple under the guidance of Luna and Artemis. Amy is reading with Greg, Lita is writing sweet things to her millionaire uncle (where do you think she gets all her money from?), and Mina is with Reeny pondering stuff. Michiru and Haruka are catching a little sun at the nearby swimming pool, Setsuna is at the Crystal Game Center eyeing over Andrew (oolala), and Darien is for once not pondering the questions of the universe, but eating ice cream at a nearby shop. And Hotaru is building a contraption to nuke all cows. Now that that's over and done with, on with the show/story!  
  
Serena: Do de do de do  
  
Raye: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Serena: ?  
  
Luna: (Warning) Raye…  
  
Artemis: Whoa, down girl down!  
  
Serena: Really, calm down.  
  
Raye: OH GO SIT ON A TACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Serena: WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Luna: RAYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Artemis: SERENA PIPE DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Serena: JERK!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Raye: RAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Serena: PMS GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Raye: PMS MY BUTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Luna: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: !  
  
Luna: Thank you…  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Amy: …  
  
Greg: …  
  
Amy: …  
  
Greg: …  
  
Amy: Good book?  
  
Greg: Yeah.  
  
Amy: Oh…  
  
Greg: *Sigh *  
  
Amy: …  
  
Greg: …  
  
Amy: Wanna go somewhere?  
  
Greg: (Quickly) yes!  
  
Amy: (Giggling) good, I was starting to get a real major case of Bleacher Butt.  
  
Greg: Ditto.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Lita: *Writing *  
  
Dear Uncle Franky,  
  
Thanks for all the support that you've given me over the years. It really  
  
means a lot to me and I'm very thankful. I have just about everything I need  
  
except for the occasional food run, so thanks for all that you've done.  
  
Life's pretty good here; I have awesome friends, a way cool job (by job she  
  
means Sailor Scout), and okay grades. I just wanted to write you and tell  
  
you how much I love you. You're the best person ever. Can I have the money  
  
to buy a Porsche? I love you so much and tell me how you're doing! Bye for  
  
now, write back soon!  
  
Your Most Favorite Niece In The Whole Wide World,  
  
Lita  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Reeny: Ya know, I just realized two things.  
  
Mina: Really, what?  
  
Reeny: Well first off, remember our last battle?  
  
Mina: Yeah, so?  
  
Reeny: Well, remember when Alan and Emerald kept on saying that there were 9 of us?  
  
Mina: Yeah, so?  
  
Reeny: Think Mina, there's 10 of us.  
  
Mina: (Understanding) ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh, I get it! I think someone needs to learn how to count again!  
  
Reeny: Either that or it may be because I was hiding behind Serena and they forgot about me.  
  
Mina: Makes sense.  
  
Reeny: Hey! Well, anyway there's that other thing.  
  
Mina: What other thing?  
  
Reeny: Well, remember how we say "ya" instead of "you"?  
  
Mina: Um, yeah?  
  
Reeny: Well, did you notice that at different times we started saying hey yeah, instead of hey ya?  
  
Mina: Yeah.  
  
Reeny: I don't think we can talk right.  
  
Mina: Or it may be because some little monster changed all the ya's to yeah's!  
  
Reeny: Hmm, I think we need to start improving our pronunciation skills.  
  
Mina: Sometimes you scare me.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Michiru: (Singing) Heaven…I'm in Heaven…I'm in Heaven…  
  
Haruka: (Moaning) oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh, this is the life…  
  
Michiru: More sunscreen dear?  
  
Haruka: Sure, ocean-eyes, slop some on!  
  
Michiru: (Giggling) he he, I just love the names that you give me.  
  
Haruka: …  
  
Michiru: Haruka? Honey?  
  
Haruka: …  
  
*Michiru pinches Haruka's back. *  
  
Haruka: I'M AWAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Michiru: !  
  
Haruka: Wha-, oh, sorry mermaid.  
  
Michiru: Hehe…  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Setsuna: Hi…  
  
Andrew: HI SETSUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT'CHA BEEN UP TO THESE LAST FEW YEARS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Setsuna: Um…nothing really.  
  
Andrew: Are you sure? After all, I would've expected you to be in the news by now.  
  
Setsuna: (Flattered) oh…hehehehe, well, I, uh… I work in, um, Nairobi that's why! Can't tell though, top secret, very hush hush.  
  
Andrew: Oh…  
  
Setsuna: Yeah, oh…  
  
Andrew: So…  
  
Setsuna: Nice talking to ya!  
  
Andrew: (Confused) yeah, you too, I think.  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Darien: Mmmmmmmmmmmm… mocha chip!  
  
Kid: Hehe, you look like Tuxedo Mask!  
  
Darien: Who?  
  
Kid: Ya know, that freak who saves the world in a 3,000-dollar suit and a huge cape!  
  
Darien: Oh, um…thank you?  
  
Kid: Whatever *weirdo *.  
  
Darien: Who am I? Why does that kid think I'm such a freak? Why do I like mocha chip? I thought I would've liked vanilla or something else plain and boring. Why am I labeled as a freak? I'm not a freak! Besides, I think my suit is very fashionable! I can hardly move in it, but it's fashionable none the less. Who am I…?  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Hotaru: Hehehehehehe! So, if I just take this, and mix it with this…THEN I GET THIS *bum bum bum!*!  
  
Prof. Tomoe: *Sniff *my little girl is so grown up and taking after her daddy…  
  
*Zzzzzzz! *  
  
Prof. Tomoe: What the-, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!  
  
Hotaru: @#$%, blew another fuse!  
  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
  
  
Narrator: Well, meanwhile at the Negaverse the 4 generals were hiding from Queen Beryl so that she wouldn't find out about their failure and kill them all. Their hideaway just so happened to be Ann and Alan's big ol' tree that was nearby. Ann and Alan are up at the top of the tree just hanging around,  
  
Bob is carving his name into the base of it, and Emerald is trying to put on some makeup on the base (which is also moving). Now that we have them taken care of, on with the show!  
  
Ann: Do de do de do  
  
Alan: (Humming) hhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!  
  
Bob: *Carve **carve **carve *  
  
Emerald: OH @#$%^*&! CAN'T THIS THING STOP MOVING FOR 30 SECONDS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Bob: God Emerald, don't do a Queen Beryl imitation (by that he means don't spaz out)!  
  
Emerald: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ann: Whoa, someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  
  
Alan: Ya know, just, like, chill, okay?  
  
Narrator: We interrupt this scene to say something. One, the author is comma crazy, two, her little sister Marissa/Jupe is dead because she sabotaged her story (part 7, if you don't know what I mean, read the last few lines in Setsuna and the dog's conversation), and three, the author also loves exclamation points. Now then, on with the story!  
  
Emerald: NO I WILL NOT CHILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bob: You're scaring me.  
  
Emerald: GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ann: Bad girl, no cookie for you!  
  
Emerald: BAH-HUMBUG, EVERYTHING IS THE SAILOR SCOUT'S FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ANN'S A JERK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BOB'S A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALAN IS STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Alan: Whoa Chicken Little, settle down!  
  
Emerald: I WANT THOSE SAILOR SCOUTS DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: Why?  
  
Emerald: BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS THEIR FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ann: Whatever.  
  
Bob: (In a small voice) yipe!  
  
Emerald: THAT'S RIGHT, FEAR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Alan: Umm, think it's time to come up with another plan before Emerald blows like Mount St. Helens?  
  
Bob: Yup.  
  
Ann: Yeah.  
  
Alan: Okay then.  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Narrator: Okay, so the scouts are at a routine scout meeting. Luna and Artemis are keeping a close eye on Raye, and everyone else is just sitting around bored.  
  
Serena: I'm bored.  
  
Raye: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Luna: Raye!  
  
Raye: (Mad) sorry.  
  
Amy: Hey, did you guys see that new library that they just built?  
  
Hotaru: No.  
  
Haruka: Nope.  
  
Michiru: Not yet.  
  
Setsuna: Yes.  
  
Luna and Artemis: No.  
  
Reeny: Yup!  
  
Lita: That can't be good.  
  
Reeny: I trashed the whole place and even got kicked out! Go me!  
  
Amy: Someone get this girl off of Prozac.  
  
Serena: With pleasure.  
  
Raye: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Artemis: Raye!  
  
Raye: (Mad) hmph!  
  
Amy: Well, anyway…  
  
Mina: WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Amy: What?  
  
Mina: I never got to say yes or no!  
  
Amy: So say it.  
  
Mina: Nope!  
  
Lita: Yup, there are these really cute guys that go there every day and…  
  
Amy: That's nice Lita, anyway I think the Negaverse has it under control.  
  
Raye: NEGAVERSE, WHERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I OUGHTA SHOW THOSE RETARDS A THING OR  
  
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME AT 'EM!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME AT 'EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Raye: (Mad) fine.  
  
Hotaru: What's with her?  
  
Serena: PMS.  
  
Raye: PMS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Raye bashes Serena over the head with an anti-evil charm. *  
  
Luna and Artemis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Serena: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Raye: (War cry) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone Else: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Serena: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…  
  
Setsuna: OUR LEADER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Luna: @#$%^&*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Reeny: AMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chad: SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Everyone: !  
  
Chad: Thank you.  
  
Raye: ?  
  
*Everyone cleans up and sits back down, while Lita sits next to Raye in case at any given moment she has to hold her down. *  
  
Serena: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…  
  
Amy: Anyway, I think the Negaverse has it possessed.  
  
Michiru: And how would you know?  
  
Amy: Because the librarians are zombies and the books are covered in green- goop.  
  
Michiru: Whatever.  
  
Mina: Hey, I just thought of something.  
  
Lita: Yeah?  
  
Mina: Well, Serena, you know how Ms. Haruna once said that littering is really bad?  
  
Serena: Yeah?  
  
Mina: Well then why is the Negaverse trying to blow up the planet or something? I mean, all they have to do is really throw down a couple million tons of garbage, and say bye-bye to Earth.  
  
Serena: Hmmm… I never thought of that before.  
  
Hotaru: (In an evil voice) ha ha!!! I could kill you all with this plastic soda bottle!!!  
  
Everyone: …  
  
Lita: Yeah, Queen Beryl couldn't kill us with all of her "smart" plans, and we can destroy the Earth with a little soda bottle!  
  
Amy: Well, according to my calculations, we would need exactly-  
  
Everyone: We don't care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Amy: All right, all right!  
  
Reeny: Argle dargle!  
  
Everyone: ????????  
  
Haruka: Serena, you might want to think about psychiatric help for her.  
  
Serena: Yeah yeah yeah.  
  
Luna: Umm, I think it's time we checked out that library that Amy was talking about.  
  
Serena: In a second Luna…  
  
Luna: Today, Serena.  
  
Serena: (Grumbling) fine, fine, fine, bossy little cat…  
  
*The scouts all rush out the door and leave Luna, Artemis, and Raye in their dust. Later on they finally get to the library after transforming and letting Luna and Artemis catch up, along with Raye. *  
  
Chibi-Moon: Yuck! I hate libraries!  
  
Mercury: I love them.  
  
Chibi-Moon: Figures.  
  
Jupiter: So then, let's go in!  
  
Pluto: Let us forge on to battle, unbeknownst to what lies ahead!  
  
Artemis: YAY!!!  
  
Everyone: Oy…  
  
*Everyone walks in to see a bunch of green goop all over everything. *  
  
Mars: What the @#$%?  
  
Chibi-Moon: AMY!!!  
  
Mercury: SSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chibi-Moon: (Whispering) what?  
  
Mercury: (Whispering) don't blow my cover!  
  
Chibi-Moon: Oh yeah, oops.  
  
Moon: Come out whoever you are!  
  
Ann: Above you!  
  
Bob: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaah ahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahhah ahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mercury: Wow. I have never heard of anyone laughing that much without taking a breath.  
  
Mina: Correction, remember Neflite?  
  
Mercury: Oh yeah.  
  
Alan: Okay, anyway! We're here to kill you all! YAAG!!!  
  
*Alan throws some sort of energy-type-thingy at the scouts. *  
  
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Emerald: Am I late?  
  
3 Generals: Yes.  
  
Emerald: Oh, um, oops.  
  
Mars: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…  
  
Moon: I…am…okay…  
  
Emerald: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Moon: Now…I'm…not…okay…  
  
Ann: (War cry) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
*Ann throws this really weird container-type-thingy that glows when suddenly  
  
a rose shatters it. *  
  
Ann: What the…?  
  
*Tuxedo Mask appears on top of a bookshelf with a cast over his right arm, a Band-Aid over some stitches on his forehead, two teeth missing, and a huge bandage over his head. *  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, are you all right?  
  
Moon: Yes, thank you Tuxedo Mask.  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Scouts, a tree is like Tarzan. It is very agile, yet very naked.  
  
Everyone: ?  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, only use White Rain shampoo and conditioner!  
  
Moon: (Confused) sure thing! Whatever you say my wonderful and very cute boyfriend!  
  
Emerald: Okay, you are seriously in need of help. In the meantime, YAAG!!!  
  
*Emerald throws a Negabomb at the scouts. *  
  
Jupiter: SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chibi-Moon: PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Alan: Nice power, NOT!!!  
  
Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Neptune: DEEP SUBMERGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
All 4 Generals: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tuxedo Mask: TUXEDO A LA SMOKING BOMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Moon: I will not laugh, I will not laugh…  
  
Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! *  
  
Pluto: DEAD SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Saturn: Um… YOU GUYS ARE REAL MEANIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA…huh?  
  
Alan: Hey, wait a second! I thought that last time you remembered your powers!  
  
Saturn: I did, but I forgot them again.  
  
Ann: I will not laugh, I will not laugh…  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Saturn, a fish is like a cell phone. It can only go so many places.  
  
Saturn: Whatever you say fish boy!  
  
Pluto: I have had no partaking in this conversation so far. Woe is me.  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Pluto, the cheese does not always stand alone.  
  
Pluto: ?  
  
Mercury: HOW COULD YOU DESTROY SO MANY BOOKS?!?!?!?  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Everyone, a book is like a refrigerator, you eat the contents and then you buy more.  
  
Mercury: This guy's more wacked than I am!  
  
Bob: Ain't that the truth!  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, a rose is very delicate, just like a heart. Do not break/rip them or they will get mad and use their Tiara Attack against you. A little lesson I have learned.  
  
Moon: ?  
  
Uranus: This guy has seriously lost it.  
  
Saturn: I guess you could call him Really Odd Cape Boy.  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Scouts, do not use my name in vain, or else I will not throw a rose in the next battle.  
  
Neptune: Good.  
  
Jupiter: You mean like in the last 6 battles that we had without you?  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Umm…  
  
Venus: We fared pretty good without you!  
  
Bob: Yeah, go away Tuxedo Bum!  
  
Ann: Tuxedo Butt!  
  
Emerald: And man what a butt he has…  
  
Moon: One more word and you're toast.  
  
Emerald: Sorry.  
  
Ann: Well, I think he's an ugly, big-shouldered fart. TAKE  
  
THIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*Ann throws a huge ball of energy at Tuxedo Mask. It hits the bookshelf that he's standing on and knocks it over. *  
  
Tuxedo Mask: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
*The book shelves then start falling over like dominoes. *  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Egad!  
  
Moon: TUXEDO MASK!!!  
  
Mercury: Not good.  
  
Jupiter: This could be bad.  
  
Neptune: Yeah, but it's gonna get worse.  
  
*The bookshelves keep on falling over till they get to the one in front of Tuxedo Mask. Then it falls on top of him. *  
  
Tuxedo Mask: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA *WHOMP!!!*!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Moon: TUXEDO MASK!!!  
  
Jupiter: @#$%^&*!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chibi-Moon: DADDY!!!  
  
Venus: Oh well.  
  
Mercury: Okay, now you're gonna pay!  
  
Ann: Why?  
  
Mercury: Because he was the father of her (points to Chibi-Moon) and he was her (points to Sailor Moon) boyfriend and source of all that she lived for.  
  
Ann: Your point?  
  
Mercury: Umm…SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
All 4 Generals: Bbbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!  
  
Tuxedo Mask: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…  
  
Moon: YOU CRUSHED MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bob: Uh-oh.  
  
Moon: MOON STARLIGHT HONEYMOON THERAPY KISS!!!  
  
All 4 Generals: Bye!  
  
*The 4 generals run off through a portal faster than you can say ouch. *  
  
Moon: @#$%, missed.  
  
Saturn: Don't look at me!  
  
Uranus: YOU STINK!!!  
  
Neptune: Somebody needs to learn how to aim.  
  
Pluto: I recommend target practice.  
  
Mercury: I'll second that.  
  
Venus: I'll third that!  
  
Jupiter: I'll fourth that!  
  
Luna: I TOLD YOU TO PRACTICE YESTERDAY BUT DID YOU LISTEN TO ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Moon: Gosh, don't have a cow!  
  
Mars: SHUT UP!!!  
  
Moon: Why me?  
  
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
  
Narrator: Now that the battle is over, the scouts are getting back to their regular lives. Serena is getting ready to go on a huge date with Darien (ooh la la), Amy is on a date with Greg, and Raye is on a date with Chad. Lita is sulking at home (because she doesn't have a date), Mina is sulking with Lita, Setsuna is taking a night swim, and Haruka and Michiru are out on a date. Hotaru is still trying to nuke all cows, and Luna and Artemis are out on a date. Reeny is terrorizing Serena's family, now that we have them all taken care of, on with the story!  
  
Serena: Ooooooooooooooo! This is going to be so big! I'm so excited! What do ya think Luna, should I do a different hairstyle?  
  
Luna: Sure, yeah, whatever…  
  
Serena: (Teasing) So Luna, are you looking forward to your date with Artemis?  
  
Luna: Oh shut up Serena, we're just going out on a little fling!  
  
Serena: (Singing the K-I-S-S-I-N-G song) Luna and Artemis, sittin' in a car. Are they naked YES THEY ARE!!!  
  
Luna: WATCH IT!!!  
  
Serena: (Grumbling) fine, fine, sorry, jeez what a grouch!  
  
Luna: There!  
  
Serena: There!  
  
Luna and Serena: How do I look?  
  
Serena: Whoa, in unison!  
  
Luna: Scary…  
  
*DING-DONG!!! *  
  
Serena: Oooooooooooooooooooooo, that must be Darien!  
  
Luna: Ugh.  
  
*Serena opens the door to welcome Darien. Little did Darien know that Serena had taken out her meatballs and instead pulled her hair back in a Mina-like fashion with a expensive pink bow. Her hair is also curled.*  
  
Darien: Oops, uh, wrong house sorry.  
  
Serena: Darien, it's me!  
  
Darien: Who?  
  
Serena: It's me, your wonderful, beautiful, most perfect girlfriend in the whole wide world!  
  
Darien: Sonya is that you?  
  
Serena: (Angry) who's Sonya?  
  
Darien: Susie?  
  
Serena: (Getting angrier) who's Susie?  
  
Darien: Um… I give up.  
  
Serena: IT'S SERENA YOU IDIOT!!!  
  
Darien: SERENA?!?!?!?!?!? (Stammering) you, you, you, you ch-ch-changed your h-h-hair.  
  
Serena: Ding ding ding ding ding, we have a winner! And what does the lucky lad get for a prize? Why, a big, white door to stare at!  
  
*Serena slams the door on Darien. *  
  
Darien: Hey, what did I do?  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Amy: Thanks for taking me to that nice restaurant.  
  
Greg: No problem!  
  
Amy: Hmm…  
  
Greg: *Sigh *  
  
Amy: Sorry about the bill.  
  
Greg: Um… it's okay?  
  
Amy: (Kisses him on the cheek) you're so sweet.  
  
Greg: (Smiles) well, how sweet?  
  
Amy: Sweet enough to be with me.  
  
*Greg smiles even wider and kisses her. *  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
*Lita got tired of sulking at home and decided to go sulk at the park. *  
  
Lita: (Looking at a couple kissing) look at those two, I bet they don't even know how lucky…they…OH NO WAY!!!  
  
*Lita runs towards the couple to get a closer look. *  
  
Lita: (Whispering) that can't be… oh my god it is!  
  
*She hides behind a bush and watches as Amy and Greg do some serious smooching. *  
  
Lita: (Whispering to herself) the gang is never going to believe this! And here I thought that Serena and Darien were queen and king of mush! Holy shnikies!  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Raye: (Mumbling) of all places why here?  
  
Chad: WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?!??!?!?!?  
  
Raye: WHAT?!?!?!?!?  
  
Chad: I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU SAY SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Raye: NEVER MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?  
  
Raye: I SAID NEVER MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chad: OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Raye: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Chad: COOL ROCK CONCERT DON'T YA THINK?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Raye: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Raye: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Raye: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Chad: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
Raye: Oh screw it…  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Setsuna: (Underwater) whfevovacnvpureqiwan?  
  
Mina: (Underwater) ?  
  
*Setsuna and Mina both break to the surface. *  
  
Setsuna: I said, why aren't you over at Lita's sulking?  
  
Mina: How did you know that I would be over there?  
  
Setsuna: Because Lita called me and asked if I wanted to come sulk with you guys.  
  
Mina: Oh.  
  
Setsuna: So?  
  
Mina: I dunno. I just got bored of sulking and when Lita told me what you were doing, I decided to come join you.  
  
Setsuna: Oh.  
  
Mina: I think Lita went to the park.  
  
Setsuna: Whatever.  
  
*SPLASH!!! *  
  
Mina: Hey!  
  
*SPLASH!!! *  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Hotaru: (In intense concentration) almost got it…  
  
Prof. Tomoe: *Sniff * my little baby's all grown up and finding ways to blow up cows *sniff *.  
  
Hotaru: …  
  
Prof. Tomoe: …  
  
Hotaru: (In intense concentration) almost…  
  
Prof. Tomoe: …  
  
Hotaru: EUREKA, I FOUND IT!!!  
  
Prof. Tomoe: YAY!!!  
  
Hotaru: Oh shoot…  
  
Prof. Tomoe: What?  
  
Hotaru: Well, this is the prototype and well…  
  
Prof. Tomoe: Yes?  
  
Hotaru: I forgot to put down the ingredients.  
  
Prof. Tomoe: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Hotaru: Oops.  
  
Prof. Tomoe: I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry… mmmmmm…  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
*In Haruka's car. *  
  
Haruka: How about this?  
  
Michiru: (Excited) OH HARUKA!!!  
  
Haruka: I just knew you'd like it!  
  
Michiru: Where did you ever find such a great spot?  
  
Haruka: When I was doing some hiking to get back into shape.  
  
Michiru: Does anybody else know about it?  
  
Haruka: Nope, just you and me!  
  
Michiru: Wow, look at that sunset! Isn't this soooooooo romantic Haruka?  
  
Haruka: *Gulp *  
  
Michiru: Haruka are you okay? You look kinda sick…  
  
Haruka: Um, never better?  
  
Michiru: Don't you just want to kiss me right now?  
  
Haruka: Not after you ate that dehydrated papaya, no.  
  
Michiru: Come on, it isn't that bad!  
  
Haruka: That's what you said last time right after you had that summer squash.  
  
Michiru: So you turned a little green and barfed up your whole dinner, so what?  
  
Haruka: *GULP!!! *  
  
Michiru: Haruka?  
  
Haruka: (Turning green) I sense my dinner coming up to say hello…  
  
Michiru: OVER THE SIDE, OVER THE SIDE!!!  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Reeny: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!  
  
Sammy: WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE SHUT HER UP?!?!?!  
  
Mr. Warren: SAMMY!!!  
  
Mrs. Warren: Now that isn't a very nice thing to say about your cousin!  
  
Reeny: PTHPTHPTHPTHPTHP!!!  
  
Sammy: So? SHE'S MORE ANNOYING THAN SERENA!!!  
  
Mrs. Warren: Okay then, if you feel that way then you can just march up to your room young man!  
  
Reeny: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  
  
Sammy: Gladly!  
  
*Sammy stomps off to his room. *  
  
Reeny: (Thinking) hehehehe, one down, two to go…  
  
Meanwhile…  
  
Luna: *Munch **munch **munch *  
  
Artemis: So, how's your dinner Luna?  
  
Luna: (With her mouth full) mphmphmphmphmphmh!  
  
Artemis: ?  
  
Luna: *GULP!!! * I said, it's absolutely fantastic!  
  
Artemis: Well, um, thanks!  
  
Luna: Thank you! Where did you get all this yummy food?  
  
Artemis: "Piccadilly's Seafood".  
  
Luna: Hmm…much better than anything Serena and her family ever gave me.  
  
Artemis: So I guess that means I hit a home run?  
  
Luna: Beyond. And the place isn't half-bad either.  
  
Artemis: Well, I was hoping that you wouldn't think that a nice garbage can with a small candle wasn't too cliché.  
  
Luna: Not at all.  
  
Artemis: This is a good thing.  
  
Luna: You bet your flea collar it is!  
  
Narrator: Okay, so everyone lives happily ever after. Yay. The scouts bust their tushies over some some Negaverse generals and Tuxedo Mask gets crushed by a library bookshelf. All in all I'd say it was a really good day. Before I go though, the stupid author told be to go back to Darien, who is once again, pondering the mysteries of the universe (at home). As if this story isn't long enough as it is…  
  
Darien: Who am I? Why did everyone cheer when I was crushed by that library bookshelf? Why did Serena slam the door on me like that? And why did she change her hair? How come nobody understands me? Are we alone? Is the truth out there? How old am I? How do they put those holes into Swiss Cheese? Why  
  
is Raye always so grumpy? Where do I live? How do you sanitize caviar? Why are blowfish considered a delicacy? Why must DIC be so annoying? Who am I…?  
  
Narrator: Okay, whatever. Well, anywho, it was a good day and nobody important was hurt.  
  
Darien: HEY I HEARD THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: Sorry. So, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, it was a good day and everyone went home happy (except for the generals). Don't forget to stay tuned for another exciting issue/show/story/script/whatever the heck this is of Sailor Dorks!  
  
The End?  
  
'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''  
  
See, I wouldn't leave out ole' Tuxy baby without his usual ending pondering sequence. Hehe, I hope you enjoyed it! I had fun writing this one. If you have any comments or suggestions, please review, e-mail me (Merc1650@hotmail.com), IM me (I use MSN IM, so my e-mail is my screen name), visit my site, or whatever. ^^ Thanks for reading! 


	9. Sailor Dorks Part 9

Authors Notes: Phew! I actually got around to editing and revising part 9 (keep in mind these stories are four years old, and are only now being put on FF.net), so here you guys go! I hope you enjoy. =)
    
    Special Thanks To: My Thesaurus
    
    Disclaimer: I…DO…NOT…OWN…SAILOR…MOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Rated: G or Y
    
    By: Merc
    
    Shameless Plug – Be sure to visit my site at www.geocities.com/merc1650!
    
    ****
    
    ****
    
    **Sailor Dorks Part 9**
    
    ****
    
    ****
    
    ****
    
    Narrator: Hello everyone and welcome to yet another (stupid) episode of Sailor Dorks! I can't believe that this series has lasted as long as it has.
    
    Author: That's because I rock!
    
    Narrator: Whatever you say. Anywho, the scouts are home from school on
    
    Saturday (where they only have a half-day of school) and everyone is having fun! Let's see, Serena is somewhere doing something, Amy and Greg are on a double date with Lita and Ken (ooooooooo!), and Mina is playing with her favorite slinky on the stairs of Raye's temple. Raye is very annoyed with Mina's slinkying, Setsuna is trying to get a tan at the beach, and Michiru and Haruka are at a (car) race. Hotaru gave up on nuking cows and now is gluing her busted lamp that she dropped back together, Reeny is trading stuff for stuff (at the school playground), and Luna and Artemis are sleeping (no, I don't mean the other way! Icky!). Also, Darien is in the ER pondering stuff while being examined for anymore broken bones. Now that we (finally) have everyone taken care of, on with the show!
    
    Serena: I am somewhere doing something.
    
    Bug: …
    
    Serena: What am I doing?
    
    Bug: …
    
    Serena: Okay, where am I?
    
    Bug: …
    
    Serena: Dum de do de dum…
    
    Bug: …
    
    Serena: Hmm…
    
    Bug: …
    
    Serena: Not very talkative are we?
    
    Bug: *Walks away*
    
    Serena: Don't walk away from me! That's an order!
    
    Bug: *Keeps walking*
    
    Serena: *SQUISH!!!*
    
    Bug: …
    
    Serena: (Mumbling) stupid bug.
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Amy: …
    
    Greg: …
    
    Lita: Are you two going to read all day or what?
    
    Ken: I'm going swimming!
    
    *SPLASH!!!*
    
    Lita: Last call for swimming!
    
    Amy: …
    
    Greg: …
    
    Ken: Hey, c'mon in Lita the water's great!
    
    Lita: Coming!
    
    Amy: Finally, I thought they'd never leave.
    
    Greg: Ditto.
    
    Setsuna: What are you two whispering about?
    
    Amy: Where did you come from?
    
    Setsuna: See that towel? I was sunbathing on it and you guys set up camp
    
    next to me.
    
    Greg: Oh.
    
    Setsuna: Where are Lita and Ken?
    
    Amy: Out in the wat- OH MY GOD!!!
    
    Greg: Wow, and I thought we could kiss!
    
    Setsuna: At least you two don't kiss in front of the whole Tokyo populace!
    
    Greg: …
    
    Amy: I'll just get back to reading now.
    
    Greg: Ditto.
    
    Setsuna: I think my stomach needs more sun.
    
    Meanwhile In The Water…
    
    Lita: Jeez, what are they looking at?
    
    Ken: I have no idea.
    
    Lita: *SPLASH!!!*
    
    Ken: Hey! *SPLASH!!!*
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Mina: (Chanting slowly like a kid) slinky! Slinky! Slinky! Slinky!
    
    Raye: SHUT UP!!!
    
    Mina: Don't you like my Slinky?
    
    Raye: NO!!!
    
    Mina: But it's big and shiny and it's metal and its flexible!
    
    Raye: So?
    
    Mina: You have so many stairs Raye, I just couldn't resist!
    
    Raye: Take that annoying little twisted pipe and go play with it somewhere else!
    
    Mina: Grouchy!
    
    Raye: Hey, my temple, my rules!
    
    Mina: Well, not the brightest crayon in the box now are we?
    
    Raye: GO!!!
    
    Mina: Ipe! I'm going I'm going!
    
    *Mina runs away as fast as she can to try and avoid being bashed by Mars, god (in this case goddess) of war a.k.a. Raye*
    
    Raye: Hmph. What a sad excuse for a slinky. That puny little thing couldn't stand up to my Slinky 2000 in a million years.
    
    *Raye takes out her Slinky 2000 and starts to play with it on the stairs*.
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Haruka: GO DAVIS!!! YA, THAT'S A WAY!!!
    
    Michiru: Um… GO!
    
    Haruka: WHAT WAS THAT?!?!?!?!? YOU'RE NEARLY OUT OF GAS, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING BLOWING OFF THAT PIT STOP LIKE THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!? I COULD BEAT YOU EASILY!!!
    
    Michiru: …WHAT SHE SAID!!!
    
    Haruka: HEY, JOHNSON, THIS AIN'T THE SOAPBOX DERBY HERE!!! PUT SOME KICK INTO IT!!! YEAH, THAT'S IT!!!
    
    Michiru: YAY!!!
    
    Haruka: Michiru honey, pookie, sweetie-pie, rosy-lips, cookie, sweetums, dear, pork chop, do you get this at all?
    
    Michiru: To tell you the truth not really.
    
    Haruka: Well then, let's go somewhere else.
    
    Michiru: Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn't want to mess up your fun. I know how much you love to race and watch the competition.
    
    Haruka: Nah, what I like most is to see you happy.
    
    Michiru: Golly gee, you're a real winner to me.
    
    Haruka: Yeah, I know.
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Reeny: I'll trade you one American dime for one Fruit Rollup.
    
    Kid: Deal!
    
    *They trade.*
    
    Reeny: All right, who wants to trade with me next?
    
    Girl: ME!!!
    
    Reeny: Okay, what'cha got?
    
    Girl: I have a really big chocolate cupcake.
    
    Reeny: Hmm…
    
    Girl: This thing is real valuable and yummy, so ya better have the goods.
    
    Reeny: Yeah, yeah, hmm…
    
    Girl: …
    
    Reeny: How about this? *Holds up the Silver Crystal*
    
    Girl: Ooooooooo, pretty! It's a deal!
    
    *They trade. Just then Serena walks by after giving up on finding out where she is and what she's doing. Serena knew that Reeny came down to the playground once every Saturday to trade for stuff.*
    
    Serena: Hey Reeny!
    
    Reeny: Hi!
    
    Serena: What's that?
    
    Reeny: One big, yummy, chocolate cupcake!
    
    Serena: Oh, what did you trade?
    
    Reeny: The Imperium Silver Crystal.
    
    Serena: WHAT?!?!?!?!?
    
    Reeny: What?
    
    Serena: (Really fast) who'd you trade it to?
    
    Reeny: *Points to the girl*
    
    *Serena dashes over to the girl and grabs the Silver Crystal, gives the girl a spare dollar/yen, and runs before the girl can protest.*
    
    Serena: Phew. Come with me young lady!
    
    Reeny: What?
    
    *Serena grabs Reeny and bolts out of the playground.*
    
    Serena: You and I are going to have a long talk as soon as we get home!
    
    Reeny: What did I do?
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Hotaru: (Grumbling) stupid son of a monkey stupid break stupid lamp stupid world stupid vacuum stupid…
    
    Prof. Tomoe: How is it going precious?
    
    Hotaru: (Grumbling) stupid pieces have to be stupid pasted back stupid
    
    together… (Speaking up) it's going fine, dad!
    
    Prof. Tomoe: That's good!
    
    Hotaru: (Sarcastically) yeah, only 3,798 pieces to go!
    
    Prof. Tomoe: Not my fault. You were the one who knocked it over with the vacuum.
    
    Hotaru: (Mumbling) stupid dad can't stupid help me stupid glue this stupid lamp back together. Life is stupid, dad is stupid, this stupid lamp is stupid, everyone I've ever known is stupid…
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Luna: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
    
    Artemis: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…
    
    Luna: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
    
    Artemis: (Snoring) CZKSGC SSSHHEEEEWWWWWWWW…!!!
    
    Luna: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…aposufanv?
    
    Artemis: CZKSGC SSSSSSSSSHHHHHEEEEEEEEEWWWWW…!!!
    
    Luna: (Looking over at the very loud Artemis) SHUT UP!!!
    
    *BAM!!!*
    
    Artemis: CZKS- WHAT THE-?!?!?!?!?!?!?! OW!!!
    
    Luna: QUIT SNORING!!!
    
    Artemis: (Grumbling sleepily) fine, fine, fine, fine…
    
    Luna: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
    
    Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Darien: Who am I? Where am I? Oh yeah, I'm in the ER. How many broken bones do I have? Why isn't Serena here to cheer me up? How come Luna and Artemis can talk? Why is the Sun yellow? Why do they call jelly pens, jelly pens? Do they have jelly in there or something? What is SPAM? How do they cut steak slices out of cows? How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickle peppers, how many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick? Who am I…?
    
    **Chapter 2**
    
    Narrator: The 4 Generals are planning an attack.
    
    All 4 Generals: We are planning an attack!
    
    **Chapter 3**
    
    Narrator: The scouts are meeting at Raye's temple.
    
    Everyone: We are meeting at Raye's temple!
    
    Narrator: Whatever. Anywho, they are all there for a Scout meeting (duh!). So, Mina is reluctantly playing with her slinky AWAY from Raye, Lita is playing poker with Haruka, Michiru, and Raye, and Amy is reading. Luna and Artemis are sitting around doing nothing, and Hotaru, Reeny, and Serena are playing hanky-panky.
    
    Mina: (Whispering) slinky, slinky, slinky…
    
    Lita: I raise you!
    
    Michiru: Whoa! Too rich for my blood, I fold.
    
    Raye: @#$%
    
    Haruka: Okay then, let's see.
    
    Raye: @#$%^&!!! I'm out.
    
    Lita: Ha! Two pairs! Beat that!
    
    Haruka: Gladly! *Lays down her cards.*
    
    Lita: ROYAL FLUSH?!?!?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
    
    Amy: …
    
    Hotaru, Reeny, and Serena: Down by the banks of the Hankey-Pankey where the bullfrogs jump from bank to bankie singing e-apopa, I-apopa, o-apopa POW!!!
    
    Serena: NOOOOOOOOO!!! I'm out.
    
    Luna: So, wanna start this meeting anytime soon?
    
    Artemis: …
    
    Haruka: No.
    
    Luna: Why?
    
    Haruka: Because I'm too busy basking in the afterglow of my win!
    
    Lita: (Grumbling) I oughta strangle you…
    
    Artemis: *YAWN!!!* Come on everyone, let's get this thing going.
    
    Amy: I heard the Starlights are back.
    
    Mina: THE STARLIGHTS?!?!?! WHERE?!?!?!
    
    Artemis: Down Mina…
    
    Serena: So where are they?
    
    *Suddenly Setsuna appears out of nowhere.*
    
    Setsuna: They're at their old apartment lounging. I think they miss Earth.
    
    Reeny: Where did you come from?
    
    Raye: ?
    
    Setsuna: Thought I'd stop by.
    
    Everyone: ?
    
    Setsuna: Um… got bored and decided to see what was going down?
    
    Everyone: Oh! I get ya now!
    
    Serena: I saw the Negaverse at the Freezy Pleazy.
    
    Luna: WHAT?!?!?!
    
    Artemis: NEGAVERSE?!?!?! WHERE?!?!?!
    
    Luna: Nowhere. Come on scouts, we have a job to do!
    
    *Everyone glares at Serena.*
    
    Serena: *Hits her head* me and my big, fat mouth.
    
    Raye: In about thirty seconds it'll be a little skinny mouth with no teeth!
    
    Serena: Uh-oh! LUNA, RAYE IS THREATENING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Luna: Stop it Raye!
    
    Raye: (Grumbling) fine, fine, fine, fine…
    
    *Luna started getting real angry and threatened to eat Artemis alive if they didn't get their hinies in gear. The scouts transform and run to the Freezy Pleazy Ice Cream Shop. Artemis meanwhile is scared so bad by Luna that he runs back home.*
    
    Emerald: They had better get here soon, I worked real hard on this dastardly scheme!
    
    Bob: Amazing, she actually has a vocabulary of over 10 words!
    
    Emerald: (Warning) what was that Bob?
    
    Bob: (Cowering) nothing oh high and mighty one!
    
    Ann: What a wimp.
    
    Alan: And here I thought I was bad.
    
    Moon: THE SAILOR SCOUTS ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Ann: MY EARS!!!
    
    Alan: @#$%^&*!!!
    
    Emerald: It's about time!
    
    Bob: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
    
    Mars: It's all Sailor Moon's fault!
    
    Moon: Is not!
    
    Mars: Is to!
    
    Moon: Is not!
    
    Mars: Is to!
    
    Moon: Is not, is not, is not!
    
    Mars: Is to, is to, is to!
    
    Mercury: Break it up you two!
    
    Mars: *Grumble**Grumble**Grumble*
    
    Emerald: Well, I'm glad you came because you just fell into our trap! Aaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
    
    Bob: I THOGHT YOU SAID THAT YOU HAD TAKEN VOICE LESSONS!!!
    
    Emerald: Screw the lessons, I'm much more annoying this way!
    
    Uranus: This is one weird fight.
    
    Neptune: Couldn't agree more.
    
    Chibi-Moon: So when are we gonna start seeing some action?
    
    Ann: Now! YAAG!!!
    
    *Ann throws a huge twig at the scouts which turns into a ball of very bad energy. *
    
    Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
    
    *Everyone is on their butts moaning and complaining while the 4 generals laugh their heads off.*
    
    Moon: Oooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
    
    Chibi-Moon: WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
    
    Neptune: THE PAIN!!!
    
    Uranus: @#$%^&*!!!
    
    Mars: THE AGONY!!!
    
    Jupiter: @#$%^&*!!!
    
    Mercury: Ouch.
    
    Pluto: Owie.
    
    Venus: WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THAT HURT!!!
    
    Saturn: OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!
    
    Tuxedo Mask: OH THE HUMANITY!!! THE PAIN THAT IS THE PAIN IS QUITE PAINFUL!!!
    
    Moon: Where did you come from?
    
    Tuxedo Mask: I am from the Earth, the solemn, beautiful planet called Earth. I am from the world, I am from my mother, I am me. Who am I?
    
    Moon: Yeah, that really answers my question.
    
    Alan: This is stupid, let's just kill them all right now. YAAG!!!
    
    *Alan throws something really bright and flashy at the scouts.*
    
    Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
    
    Sailor Star Fighter: STAR SENSITIVE INFERNO!!!
    
    Alan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
    
    Mercury: AAAAAAAAAAA-- What the…?
    
    Jupiter: It's the 3 Starlights!
    
    Venus: (Quickly) STARLIGHTS, WHERE?!?!?!
    
    Uranus: What the--?
    
    Pluto: You came back!
    
    Saturn: Whoop-de-do…
    
    Fighter: SAILOR MOON I LOVE YOU!!!!!!
    
    Moon: Oh-no…
    
    Fighter: I know I never got up the nerve to say that, but I do! I love you more than the sky, more than the sun, more than the deep blue sea…
    
    Neptune: Oh great, another Darien impersonator…
    
    Ann: DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH!!!
    
    Sailor Star Maker: Enough chitchat, time to put these bad villains away for good! STAR GENTLE---
    
    Moon: AAAAAAAA!!! DON'T FINISH THAT PHRASE!!!
    
    Maker: Why not?
    
    Jupiter: Spare me the horror!
    
    Pluto: There are small children present!
    
    Maker: Like I have any control over what my power is called?
    
    Chibi-Moon: What's the last word?
    
    Mercury: Don't even say it!
    
    Maker:  It's Ut—
    
    Everyone including the Generals: NO!!!
    
    Maker: !
    
    Jupiter: Well, I'm not one to stand around so… JUPITER COCONUT CYCLONE!!!!
    
    Bob: AAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I'M BEING PELTED WITH COCONUTS!!!!!!
    
    Venus: And they say my powers are sad.
    
    Chibi-Moon: Where did that one come from?
    
    Jupiter: I dunno, it just hit me! Hey, I made a pun! Hahahahahahaha!
    
    Neptune: And a really bad pun at that.
    
    Uranus: Dude that stunk!
    
    Fighter: ?
    
    Maker: ?
    
    Healer: Did we miss something here?
    
    Bob: This is getting real weird. I don't like you peoples anymore! YAAG!!!
    
    *Bob throws a huge ball of energy at the side of a construction-site pile of huge concrete slabs and knocks some down.*
    
    All 3 Starlights: Uh-oh, NOT GOOD!!!!!!
    
    *A humongous concrete slab falls down from way up high and squishes them like little bugs.*
    
    *SQUISH!!!*
    
    Everyone: YUCK!!!
    
    Tuxedo Mask: Oh how vile, repugnant, adious, abhorrent, mawkish, brackish…
    
    Moon: OH GROSS!!!
    
    *Suddenly, the slab is blown away and there stand (sort of) the very badly injured Starlights.*
    
    All 3 Starlights: OKAY, THAT HURT!!! OW OW OW OW OW!!!
    
    Bob: Hahahahahaha! That was really funny! Hey wait a second, how did you survive that?
    
    Fighter: (Really peeved) okay, that's it! I'm going home!
    
    Maker: (Even more peeved) Right behind ya there!
    
    Healer: (Monstrously peeved) Wait for me!
    
    *The 3 Starlights take off.*
    
    Ann: Jeez what tripped their trigger?
    
    Alan: What ate their noodle?
    
    Emerald: What hit their poodle?
    
    Bob: What stole their meatballs?
    
    Moon: WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP WITH THE PUNS AND THE SAYINGS AND THE ANNOYING PHRASES AND THE ANNOYING LAUGHS!!!!!!
    
    All 4 Generals: No…
    
    Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, if you give a moose a muffin, he'll want a glass of milk.
    
    Moon: (Crying) why me?
    
    Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, the man that doesn't die on the battlefield slips in the bathtub.
    
    Moon: WAAAAAAAAAAAAA MAKE HIM STOP!!!!!!
    
    Chibi-Moon: I'm bored, when can we start killing people?
    
    Mercury: How about now? SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Mars: MARS FIRE IGNITE!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Pluto: DEAD SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Uranus: WORLD SHAKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Neptune: DEEP SUBMERGE!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Chibi-Moon: PINK SUGAR HEART ATTACK!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Saturn: YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A BUNCH OF WEENIES!!!!!!
    
    Venus: VENUS LOVE CHAIN ENCIRCLE!!!!!!!
    
    Tuxedo Mask: TUXEDO A LA SMOKING BOMBER!!!!
    
    Jupiter: JUPITER THUNDER CRASH!!!!!!
    
    All 4 Generals:
    
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Ann: (Really hurt bad) okay…that…hurt…YAAG!!!
    
    *Ann throws a beam of something at Sailor Neptune, hitting her in the leg and knocking her down.*
    
    Neptune: MY LEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
    
    Ann: Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
    
    Uranus: NEPTUNE, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
    
    Moon: Okay, that's it! You hurt someone on my team and you're gonna pay dearly!
    
    Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Mercury, Sailor Neptune, only you can prevent forest fires!
    
    Neptune: I am not even going to comment on that…
    
    Mercury: MERCURY AQUA RHAPSODY!!!!!
    
    *BAM!!! All 4 generals are knocked unconscious*
    
    Moon: MOON SCEPTER ACTIVATION!!!!!!
    
    *SLAM!!! The 4 Generals turn into Moon Dust.*
    
    Moon: DUSTED!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!
    
    Everyone: YAY!!!!!!!!
    
    Tuxedo Mask: Good work Sailor Moon! Always remember, the cucumber that's swollen was dropped on the floor!
    
    Everyone: ?
    
    Tuxedo Mask: And Scouts, don't forget, the leaf that falls into the pond floats like a dinghy!
    
    Everyone: ?
    
    Tuxedo Mask: The frog that drowns needs swimming lessons.
    
    Everyone: ?
    
    Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Moon, the basket that is full of fruit is full of joy!
    
    Moon: SOMEONE SHUT HIM UP!!!
    
    Neptune: OH THE PAIN AND CONFUSION!!!!!!!
    
    Tuxedo Mask: Sailor Neptune, a scrape is like a fly. It may get stuck on flypaper, but it won't get stuck on Band-Aids!
    
    Uranus: Umm…it's okay sweetie, I'm here for you.
    
    *Holds Neptune and cradles her and kisses her.*
    
    Jupiter: Get a room.
    
    Venus: OH SICK!!!!!!
    
    Saturn: My fragile little mind has been exposed to horrific and graphic things!
    
    Uranus: Oh, go complain to the censors!
    
    Saturn: Fine! MERC!!!
    
    Author: What?
    
    Saturn: Some censorship here!
    
    Author: YUCK!!! Um…sure thing!
    
    Narrator: The battle ended and after rushing Michiru to the hospital, they all went home except for Haruka and Hotaru. Later on she was released with a cast over her broken toe and a brace for her sprained ankle.
    
    **Chapter 4**
    
    Narrator: Okay, it's the next day and everyone is happy (mostly). Serena is nagging Luna about how she finally defeated the Other 4 Generals, Amy is celebrating not getting killed by going to the Feezy Pleazy with Greg, and Raye is beating Chad over the head with her Slinky 2000. Lita is singing while cooking (again) a meal for her and Ken's picnic, Mina is sewing, and Reeny is helping Serena's mom do the laundry. Haruka is tending to Michiru's ailments, Hotaru is hunting, Setsuna is re-painting the Time Gate (the door), and Artemis is still napping. And finally, Darien is thinking at his favorite thinking spot, his apartment balcony. Now that we everyone done, ON WITH THE SHOW/STORY/WHATEVER THE HECK IT IS!!!!!
    
    Serena: (Singing and bragging at the same time) I beat the generals! I beat the generals! I beat the generals! And I did it without your help!
    
    Luna: (Beyond annoyed) …
    
    Serena: (Teasing) Admit it, I did GREAT!!!
    
    Luna: (Getting real peeved) …
    
    Serena: Who da gal huh? WHO DA GAL?!? Serena is da gal! Say what? SERENA IS DA GAL!!!
    
    Luna: (Um…) 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…
    
    Serena: GO ME!!! GO ME!!! I ROCK!!! GO ME!!!
    
    Luna: (Real annoyed and peeved and all the other bad stuff) why me?
    
    Serena: WOOHOO!!!! YEAH…!!!
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Amy: (Holding up her ice cream) here's to not getting killed!
    
    Greg: Here here!
    
    *Clank!*
    
    Amy: Mmmmmm…I just love chocolate!
    
    Greg: Me too…
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    *Chasing Chad around the temple.*
    
    Raye: HOW COULD YOU?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT THE @#$% WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?!?!?! DO YOUR OWN CHORES!!!!!!!!!! BA HUMBUG!!!!!
    
    Chad: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    *WHAM!!!*
    
    Raye: YOU THINK YOU'RE SO TOUGH?!?!?!?!?! WELL BEAT THIS!!!!!!!
    
    *BAM!!!*
    
    Chad: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! KILLER SLINKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
    
    Raye: DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Chad: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    *SLAM!!!*
    
    Raye: EAT TWISTED METAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Chad: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    *BASH!!!*
    
    Raye: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
    
    Chad: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
    
    *CRASH!!!*
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    *Dancing around in the shower.*
    
    Lita: SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA RULE ME, I AINT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED…SHE WAS LOOKING KINDA DUMB WITH HER FINGER AND HER THUMB IN THE SHAPE OF AN "L" ON HER FOREHEAD…!!!
    
    *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!*
    
    Lita: SHOOT, SQUID'S DONE EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    *Starts racing around trying to get a towel, and slips on the soap a couple times.*
    
    Lita: OH THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!*
    
    Lita: I'M COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!*
    
    Lita: Doh!
    
    *Lita gets to the oven and manages to save the squid before it starts to turn from medium rare to well done.*
    
    Lita: Phew! Now where was I? Oh yeah! WELL, THE YEARS START COMING AND THEY DON'T STOP COMING, BEND TO THE RULES AND I HIT THE GROUND RUNNING!!! DIDN'T MAKE SENSE NOT TO LIVE FOR FUN, YOUR BRAIN GETS SMART BUT YOUR HEAD GETS DUMB…
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Mina: *Sew**sew**sew*
    
    Ball Of Yarn: …
    
    Mina: Do de do de do…
    
    Ball Of Yarn: …
    
    Mina: La ti da…
    
    Ball Of Yarn: …
    
    Mina: (Humming) hmmmmmmmmmmmm…
    
    Ball Of Yarn: …
    
    Mina: Boy it's quiet in here.
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Reeny: Whoa, look at all the bubbles!
    
    Mrs. Warren: REENY DON'T TOUCH THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Reeny: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Mrs. Warren: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Reeny: Hey, what happens when I put this in?
    
    Mrs. Warren: NO REENY, DON'T PUT THE BLEACH IN THE LAUNDRY!!!!!!!!
    
    Reeny: Oooooooooooooooo, look Auntie Trisha! The clothes are changing colors!
    
    Mrs. Warren: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
    
    Reeny: Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!
    
    Mrs. Warren: MY BLOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    Reeny: This is fun!
    
    Mrs. Warren: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Haruka: Oh honey, does it hurt?
    
    Michiru: My poor big toe…my poor little sprained ankle…
    
    Haruka: Don't worry darling, I'll make everything all better…
    
    Michiru: Oh Haruka, you've always been there for me, I'm sure I'll be just fine…
    
    Haruka: Nonsense! You need your rest or something really bad could happen to you!
    
    Michiru: Haruka, it's only a broken toe and a sprained ankle.
    
    Haruka: Shh! You might hurt yourself if you talk too much!
    
    Michiru: Haruka?
    
    Haruka: Lay down! I'll get you some nice warm milk, and some cookies, and some other stuff to make you feel better!
    
    Michiru: ?
    
    Haruka: NEVER FEAR, DOCTOR HARUKA IS HERE!!!
    
    Michiru: (In a small voice) help…
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Prof. Tomoe: SO SUGAR WHAT ARE WE GONNA HUNT FOR NEXT?!?!?!?!
    
    Hotaru: (Like Elmer Fudd from Loony Tunes) shhh! Be vewy, vewy quiet, I'm hunting cows…
    
    Prof. Tomoe: (Whispering) there's one, out in that field with that barn at the end of it…
    
    *BANG!!!*
    
    *MOO!!!*
    
    Hotaru: Got it!
    
    Farmer Joe: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO TO MY POOR BESSIE?!?!?! NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    *Farmer Joe grabs his 20 gauge shot gun and starts to run towards Hotaru and her dad.*
    
    Hotaru: RUN!!!
    
    *Hotaru starts running with dad close at behind.*
    
    Prof. Tomoe: Right behind ya sweetie!
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    *Re-painting one of the crescent moons on the door.*
    
    Setsuna: (Mumbling) why is it always my job to paint the stupid door? OH GREAT, NOW I MESS UP ON THIS STUPID CRESCENT MOON!!! Just peachy…
    
    Some Guy: Need any help?
    
    Setsuna: No, not right now.
    
    Some Guy: Okay then…
    
    Setsuna: Wait, where did you come from? What's your name?
    
    Some Guy: Name's Luke Skywalker and I have no idea where I am and how I got here.
    
    Setsuna: Luke Skywalker, as in that movie "Star Wars"?
    
    Luke: What's "Star Wars"?
    
    Setsuna: ICK, I HATE STAR WARS!!!!!!
    
    Luke: ?
    
    *Setsuna takes a barrel of paint and bashes Luke over the head with it. He's is knocked unconscious."
    
    Setsuna: Hmph! Now, where was I? Oh yeah, this retarded crescent moon…
    
    Luke: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Artemis: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
    
    Meanwhile…
    
    Darien: Who am I? Why do I spit out quotes like my Cerebrum was rewired? Where do I even find these proverbs and quotes anyway? Why did the Starlights go squish when they weren't squished? Who came up with the word squish? Why does Sailor Star Fighter have a crush on my girlfriend? Why did the chicken cross the road? Who thought up the word egg? Why is Sailor Mercury's element water and ice when her planet is the second hottest in the Solar System (quick F.Y.I., Venus is the hottest planet in the Solar System)? Who thought up the name sandwich? Was it Sir Isaac Sandwich of France who invented it or something? Who made up the name fork? Why do I have no memory of anything? Why are there so many forks and spoons when you eat at a really fancy restaurant? Who am I…?
    
    Narrator: Well, all in all everything turned out great! Serena finally killed those annoying generals, everyone is happy, Michiru survived her 
    
    broken toe and sprained ankle, the Starlights left, and Darien is still as annoying as always! Well, I think that covers this series…
    
    Author: Not so fast! Narrator: What, you mean this stupid series is still going strong? Great… anyway, okay then, um…then stay tuned for another exciting addition of Sailor Dorks!
    
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    **The End?******
    
    So, good, bad, ugly? Give me a holler! **PLEASE REVIEW!!! Or e-mail me, or visit my web site at www.geocities.com/merc1650!**


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